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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Daughter kicked off bus aibu

812 replies

user1471461798 · 16/01/2019 19:59

Just wondered what everyone’s thoughts on this was? 17 year old daughter dropped off at the bus stop at 6.44 this morning, she had lost her lanyard with her bus pass on, so was going into college to get a temporary pass, we knew it was at home somewhere. Got on, sat down, the bus driver then asked to see everyone’s pass.. Doesn’t do this every day- specific bus only for her college.( 1st stop in the morning, last stop at night). obviously she didn’t have it, explained and he told her to get off the bus, she asked if she could just go to college and get a temporary pass. ( I know this is true as her friend told her mother the same ).

She then had to walk over a mile in the dark and rain, We had all left for work. also she has a broken arm, so had to carry bags as well. We have asked for an explanation from both the bus company and college, no reply from coach, but college have said the driver was correct!
I feel the coach company had a duty of care to make sure she was safe. What is everyone’s thoughts please?
Maybe a while getting back to everyone, going to the cinema now😊

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
GySgtHartman · 19/01/2019 20:20

Did either the bus company or the college confirm their policy at all? Or did they just leave it at blaming the other?

BoneyBackJefferson · 19/01/2019 21:16

mathanxiety

No, just an ego trip.

in which case you really need to reread the thread cos you missed it.

mathanxiety · 19/01/2019 22:17

I wonder if it gave him a hardon to think of a young woman with a broken arm having to walk a mile or so in the pissing rain, just because he had the power to make her suffer

'I wonder if' is not a categorical statement. You correctly identify it as a suggestion. However, you misrepresent the general slant of opinion by focusing on the single speculative post.

The vast, overwhelming majority of comments on the topic of the mentality of the bus driver have referred to ego tripping/ bullying/ exercising power over someone just because he can, without any sexual overtone.

And since your post was in response to one where a poster rightly pointed out that nobody was accusing him of actual rape, there is a considerable difference between accusing a bus driver of rape and accusing him of getting some sort of sexual satisfaction from treating a young woman very badly.

mathanxiety · 19/01/2019 22:20

FrancisCrawford,

  • Did this girl pay in advance for one month of travel?
    If yes, then she was an authorised passenger.

  • Did the bus driver see her lanyard a few days previously?
    If yes, then he could reasonably have assumed that she was still a passenger in good standing, because the month had not changed and because who in their right mind turns up with a broken arm before dawn on a rainy morning laden with bags to get a free ride to a rural agricultural college...

He was a stupid, spiteful man.

wellhellothereall · 19/01/2019 22:23

Haven't rtft but when my kids can't find their passes I give them the money for the fare. If she didn't have the money or the pass then he was right to Chuck her off the bus. If she's done that on the train she would have got a fine as well

mathanxiety · 19/01/2019 22:34

The bus doesn't accept fares.
You pay in advance monthly.
It's not a public bus.

GlitterStick · 19/01/2019 22:35

"Did this girl pay in advance for one month of travel*

You realise right that if you pay for a month worth of travel you pay for it starting the day you pay for it? In other words, he could have seen it a few days before and then it was expired.

elle1111112 · 19/01/2019 22:38

OP I'm sorry but do you live in the real world?! Of course she'd have been ask to get off the Bus. How were they supposed to know she was telling the truth? And the whole POINT of them checking tickets is to make sure no one has sneaked on without one.

I'm sure everyone who shouldn't be on the Bus would make something up to stay on. So yeah you're being unreasonable.

elle1111112 · 19/01/2019 22:53

You're saying women can't walk after dark these days? Really?

Is 6.45am "after dark"? Really? It's when the sun is coming up

Kissmyaxe · 19/01/2019 22:58

Yabu in sending your daughter on the bus without a back-up plan. You knew she didn’t have a ticket yet it never crossed your mind to have a plan b? Just in case?

Yes it’s very mean spirited of the driver to refuse her travel, and yes I agree that 6:45am is still dark and not the safest time for your daughter to be walking alone. But really? No back-up plan? Sorry you need to do better than that.

GiantKitten · 19/01/2019 22:59

oh gawd, here we go again with people who haven't bothered to RTFT.

elle1111112, IT WASN'T A PUBLIC BUS. It was a college bus where they all pay monthly for their bus passes. OP's DD had her pass the previous day. The driver knew she has one. THERE ARE NO TICKETS. You can't pay a fare instead.

Hmm
FrancisCrawford · 19/01/2019 23:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

elle1111112 · 19/01/2019 23:07

oh gawd, here we go again with people who haven't bothered to RTFT

elle1111112, IT WASN'T A PUBLIC BUS. It was a college bus where they all pay monthly for their bus passes. OP's DD had her pass the previous day. The driver knew she has one. THERE ARE NO TICKETS. You can't pay a fare instead

hmm

"Oh gawd". Sorry I'm not sad enough to read TWENTY EIGHT pages of a thread, I actually have a life. Also what's with the all caps?! You sound younger than the OP's daughter. You don't sound old enough to be on Mumnset.

GiantKitten · 19/01/2019 23:12

You don't sound old enough to be on Mumnset

Thanks Smile

TheLittleDogLaughed · 20/01/2019 01:55

elle no point making comments if you’re not interested to see what other people have said before you. Your view was put and dismissed ages ago already.

The driver was in the wrong abd could have got into severe trouble has anything happened to OP’s dd. People talk about his responsibility but surely that is to get kids to college safeky.

My dd is 16 and a half. So I have fill sympathy woth OP.

GySgtHartman · 20/01/2019 03:26

How different this thread would look if a boy had lost/forgotten his pass and attacked another passenger. I imagine the rain, distance walked would all be irrelevant and posters would be calling for the driver to be sacked for not checking passes.

PregnantSea · 20/01/2019 04:37

YABVU

Bus driver was harsh in this situation but he was doing his job. And she's 17 yrs old, the duty of care thing is a bit silly here, she knows that she needs a pass to ride the bus. It's a good life lesson not to lose stuff

SheAlreadyDoneHadHerses · 20/01/2019 06:06

I haven't read all of the latest comments, could someone give a quick update please? What's this about attacking another passenger?

GySgtHartman · 20/01/2019 06:23

SheAlreadyDoneHadHerses

A lot of posters are saying that the bus driver "knew" she had a pass and therefore should have let him on.

I am saying if this thread was about a boy (let's be honest here it would most likely be a boy) who had got on and attacked another passenger. We then find out that he didn't have a pass on him that day but was "known" to the bus driver. In this scenario questions would be asked as to why the bit was allowed on the bus. I'm suggesting, and I could be very wrong, that many posters here saying that kindness is more important that following policy. Would be the ones asking why was he allowed on the bus in the first place. As far as I'm aware no one has been assaulted.

You can also abuse me of whataboutery but I think that shop sailed a long time ago.

Rememory · 20/01/2019 06:52

OP In hindsight it would have been better to check with the driver she was okay without her pass and explain the circumstances whilst you waited. But that didn't happen so as other posters have said make sure she

A. Doesn't lose her pass Wink
B. Take a photo of it just in case
C. Take her to college if she does
D. Not expect a driver who sees her every day to have a bit of empathy and let her on the bus.
E. Expect anyone on here to understand that you love your daughter and were concerned for her Smile. How dare you, she's 17 fgs and I worked down the pit when I was 5

mathanxiety · 20/01/2019 07:11

How different this thread would look if a boy had lost/forgotten his pass and attacked another passenger

A completely irrelevant remark.

mathanxiety · 20/01/2019 07:13

I haven't read all of the latest comments, could someone give a quick update please? What's this about attacking another passenger?

You may well ask.

The thread has taken a detour into outer space.

TheLittleDogLaughed · 20/01/2019 07:13

GySgHartman umm if someone attacked another passenger I think that whether they had their pass ir not would probably not be that important to the driver! 🤪

I’m going to raise your ridiculous what if. What if a lion got on the bus and it DID have a lanyard; would the driver let it stay on even though it attacked all the passengers? Would it be the driver’s fault that they died or was he just foing his job?

mathanxiety · 20/01/2019 07:20

"Oh gawd". Sorry I'm not sad enough to read TWENTY EIGHT pages of a thread, I actually have a life.

elle1111112 The information you missed is in the OP's first post.

' specific bus only for her college.'

14 posts on -
'You can’t pay, special bus, she knows the bus driver, there is only 4 people getting on the bus, she isn’t asked to show her pass every day, wasn’t asked yesterday, when she had it. My thoughts are, take her and then when she gets to college, get a temporary pass and show the driver. College is rural, if you got on the coach, you would only be going to that college.'

Rememory · 20/01/2019 07:20

Sorry I thought I'd scrolled to the end before I commented but I hadn't. After his comment, I agree, total jobsworth and am glad you emailed both the college and bus service as they appear to not know their own policies on this either. Hope your daughter sees it for what it was Flowers

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