To have called him out in a spectacularly rude way..

[KittyVonCatsworth]

I know I need to manage my emotions and subsequent actions / behaviour better. I try, I really do bite my tongue but even holding it in I've just got one of those easy to read faces. Even when I'm trying to look nonplussed, people can obviously tell ( my manager commented about it just recently). However, I was just instantly triggered today and if I don't learn new techniques I'm never going to be one of those leaders that I aspire to be.

Today, a member of the team who I've had issues with answers the office phone and was quite abrupt with them. Another member of the team asked who it was after he finished the call and he replied 'just some tart from EDF'. It instantly got my heckles up and I said 'when I thought I couldn't dislike you any more than I do, you call women tarts you repulsive old cunt'. I then went a bit further with a character assassination. In my head and in my heart this is what I felt and IWBU, but I really want to know how others maintain a breezy, professional demeanour. I think eventually my tongue will be my downfall.

Please don't suggest I should apologise to him though, he's going in 2 weeks and his feelings aren't that important to me as he has the self awareness of a stick (which I also mentioned) so it would make no difference.

How do people manage their thoughts not manifesting into words and actions? This isn't necessary about the context of this example so I'm not looking for flaming or congratulations, just techniques if you have them.

The op was not just asking for techniques. The op could have worded the post differently and missed out the bad language. None of it was necessary to get the point across. The op is behaving like a teenager thinking it’s funny and expected praise for speaking to a “sexist” man in that way. But unfortunately for the op, MNetters are mainly decent people and this is where it’s backfired on the whole as the majority of people think it’s disgraceful. Yes there are those that think it’s funny. I don’t know people like you. Don’t mix with people that think swearing is funny. You don’t need to swear to make a point. There are far more intelligent ways.

Everyone, despite what the context is or subject, has a trigger reaction.

For me it is someone joking about suicide. However, I have never called someone a cunt for doing it. It is my responsibility to manage my reactions to people. I'd sack you. If I was him I'd make a complaint about you.

Why is it such a horrible word?
Read the origins of it
In exactly the same way that paki was originally just short for pakistani.
And the same way that retard was a proper medical term.
You do know that language evolves, don't you?

Consueala - what planet are you? I don’t care about the origins. It’s not an acceptable word in 21st century! Grow up!

sb74 have a look online. Scientifically proven people who swear more freely in speech are usually more intelligent and articulate.
Just saying...

We can be sacked for using language like that at work.

Are you a fire sign? ( asks a Sagittarius with no filter!) :)

Sagittarius here too...you can probably tell

Haven’t read all posts but from what I can see you have been royally flamed or defended by others when you have clearly recognised you say what you think and want some techniques to try and stop. Something I wish I had done when working in retail was to acknowledge the fucking annoying/inappropriate behaviour of colleagues and then write it down as soon as the opportunity arose. You might end up with a whole diary of stuff but then you can go through it with a clearer head and decide if you want to take any of it up with HR or at your next appraisal or simply write it off.

Well everyone I work with is highly intelligent and we all seem to manage to articulate ourselves without using words relating to vagina. What research is that? I think the fact that you consider being articulate means using swear words at the same demonstrates you are talking crap. There you go using your language now. I have to say the only people I hear swearing freely are undesirables.

www.sciencealert.com/swearing-is-a-sign-of-more-intelligence-not-less-say-scientists

One of many articles.

I think it's easy to get wound up about others actions sometimes, if you risk reacting the way you did in the situation in your op I would suggest you need to learn to get up leave your direct workspace (pop to kitchen make a cuppa or take a 5 min walk outside office) compose yourself and then make a suitable comment (without swearing) if you are his senior if not then report to your line manager. Never react immediately walk away first!

I think you need to read the book ‘The Chimp Paradox’ it will help with your outbursts and with how to respond to others. A very helpful book:)

Hilarious! Where I work no one would bother. I have found the best thing to do when ready to explode is just leave the room for a minute or two.

''OP asked for techniques only. I think the fact that you are here asking for help with this is great. ''

would you be so quick to show empathy if a man had done this to a female colleague and say it is ''great'' he was looking to get support for his problem?

Such hypocrisy how mumsnetters would call themselves feminists yet are happy to excuse the actions of a woman when they'd a hang a man for the same behaviour.

Whether or not people find the words used offensive, whether or not he deserved it, the fact remains it is inappropriate for the workplace and is indeed a disciplinary matter. Anybody with hopes to be a manager or progress within a career needs to be able to deal with situations like this in the correct professional manner.

• swearing

If you genuinley cannot hold your tongue in a professional setting (or any really) then you need to look into some anger management resolution. Your reaction was a thousand times worse than his.

I really am a delight, thankyou.

You’d be formally reprimanded for that language in my office. Not just because of what you’ve said but because I couldn’t trust you with clients, journalists, external stakeholders etc.

I would have zero respect for a manager who behaved like you. Throwing tantrums is never impressive.

Read "How to make friends and influence people". It's an oldie but a goodie.

and if I don't learn new techniques I'm never going to be one of those leaders that I aspire to be
I agree with your own sentiment OP. People who lead well act by example; I'm afraid retorting with the word 'cunt' just degenerates everything. You sound forensically self-aware but sadly have child-like impulsiveness.

Not sure what to say.....

Any senior staff member using that language would have disciplinary action against them. Assuming this is a wind up.

Not just a cunt but an 'old cunt'

Not just a cunt but a 'REPULSIVE old cunt'.