To be shocked that people still think it’s ok to hit their kids?

[MrsMuffins]

Coming out of the supermarket this afternoon, a man was walking towards me with two kids, probably aged 8-10. As I passed him (quite a way away as I was heading towards my car) he said something to the boy along the lines of ‘I’ve f**king told you not to do that’ and sort of lunged at him. The boy literally cowered back, obviously expecting a whack. It really upset me - part of me thinking I wish I’d said something, and the other part shocked that people really think it’s ok to physically intimidate and hit their kids. Is it just me thinking that this kind of thing isn’t acceptable any more?!

It didn’t even feel right in the nineties when my Stepdad used to beat seven bells out of me and it was a lot more ‘regular’ for children to be hit as punishment then.

I’d never do it. I wouldn’t hit an adult so it never made sense to hit someone a whole lot more vulnerable.

I literally don’t understand why people think a smack is the same as ‘beating seven bells’ out of a child.

@OutPinked "It didn’t even feel right in the nineties when my Stepdad used to beat seven bells out of me".

That's because it wasn't right, regardless of the era and I'm sorry to hear you had to suffer that.

This is where we need to differentiate and why, when it comes to this discussion, there is so much polarisation between commenters whose opinions may, in reality, not be all that different.

Hitting a child in any way to inflict pain, as a punishment or in anger is, always has been and always will be, wrong.

Smacking (in my experience as a child and opinion as an adult) is about marking a certain behaviour in a child's mind as unacceptable. It should never be done in anger, should always be explained to the child and should be carried out after prior verbal attempts to curb the child's actions. Smacking shouldn't be about inflicting pain (in fact, if you leave a mark then I would suggest you've lost control) and should be used very infrequently if at all.

To reiterate, for any parent to 'hit' their child is unacceptable but the debate has turned to 'smacking' in the traditional sense which is a different matter.

@MotherOfDragons90

...Beat me to it!

The thing with smacking that makes me think it's entirely ineffective (aside from the fact that it's simply violence against someone who society ought to be breaking it's neck to protect) is that it actually teaches children nothing. It offers nothing by way of a way to fix the issue, by way or learning to choose better behaviour, and nothing to help the child understand why their behaviour isn't ok.

I teach reception and rarely raise my voice, simply because it's not necessary. I also can maintain full control of 25 children without ever having to smack them or use any kind of physical intervention.

Children aren't the finished article - they're works in progress. If you can use a poor choice to teach a child how to make a better choice in future, to make them feel confident that they'd know how to handle a situation differently next time, you're going to have a far better result than making them feel hurt, upset and scared for making a poor choice and screwing up.

You don't have to let children rule the roost, you don't have to let them be in control and you don't have to let them grow up without boundaries. Equally, you don't have to smack. There's a huge area in the middle of the two extremes where many, many families raise wonderful people.

MotherOfDragons90 & PBo83 I agree with you.

I was smacked as a child but was never physically hurt by it and never in anger, just when I had been naughty and ignored multiple verbal warnings. I have an amazing relationship with my parents and I am thankful for the way I was raised.

Smacking and beating are 2 very different things.

Yanbu

I don't agree with violence against someone smaller than you. Indefensible.
The thing with "just a smack" is that it is completely ineffective as a PP has said. Doesn't teach them anything. They often just become sly and try to avoid being caught in my view whilst lacking the understanding to avoid bad behaviour.

I was "just smackdd" (mainly mum as she did all the parenting) by my parents but it was when she lost her temper and never achieved anything.

Like I know when I lose my temper and about (which I do) I've achieved bog all.

Fear of being smacked isn’t the same as fear of my parents in general ffs.
So you did have the fear. Fear of you getting smacked by your parents =fear of your parents smacking you.

I find the about not leaving a mark fascinating.

My children are about as pale as they come, I don't see how it would be possible to smack them and not leave a mark. There simply wouldn't be a smack that could do that.

Also I don't follow this rule, does this mean dark toned skin can be hit harder than pale skin? It's a totally bonkers rule that doesn't lend any credibility to the argument.

Also to all the smackers who say they have a good relationship with their children. If my parents were on this thread they would say the same.

I do not want to hurt my parents or disturb my mother's memories of our childhood. I do love her very much and I understand we can't time travel so it can't be put right.
But it wasnt right, I was hit alot, in temper and it is a very uncomfortable truth in my love for my parents.

Who knows what adult children really think about the way they were treated? They probably wouldn't tell you

smack
noun
1.
a sharp slap or blow, typically one given with the palm of the hand.
"she gave Mark a smack across the face"
synonyms: slap, blow, spank, cuff, clout, thump, punch, rap, swat, thwack, crack

verb
1.
strike (someone or something), typically with the palm of the hand and as a punishment.
"Jessica smacked his face, quite hard"
synonyms: slap, hit, strike, spank, cuff, clout, thump, punch, rap, swat, thwack, crack;

Well be careful those who do smack! Ive just been referred to SS because my child told the school I smack him!! So maybe not illegal but still get reported to SS... and btw I dont smack him I am shocked he told them I did. So if your child tells the school you will get referred also.

MCmuffin won't be pleased....no smoke without fire... an all that.....

IsItCoffeeTimeYet

Your original post gave me the heebie jeebies... I can’t even envisage looking one of my DDs in the eye and —coldly— calmly hitting them? Seems sadistic.

If your son is as difficult as you describe I’d be inclined to get him assessed - he may need extra supports. You might benefit from them too, as attempting to smack him into submission is simply not the right thing to do.

Hitting a child is illegal where I’m from, the law was changed a few years ago. It’s really started to shift how people perceive violence against children. Myself and most of my peers would have been hit growing up but now it’s considered completely unacceptable. I too would have said I have a great relationship with my parents regardless, but since having my own children and the law changing it’s changed how I view them to be honest.

I fear some of you who smack your children will have deep regrets when the law changes in the U.K. and society’s perception and acceptance of physical violence changes.

By the time your kids grow up and have their own children the law will have long changed and they will most likely be horrified by the fact you hit them when they were tiny... just forewarning to hopefully save some of you the guilt and some of your children the therapy bill.

You cannot talk to a small child in the same way as you talk to an adult and, if you try, then you're rarely going to engage them (in both positive and negative ways).

Agreed. In work meetings I have often wanted to go over to people, carefully place myself at exactly their eye level, put my hands on their shoulders so they can't move away and look them in the eye and say "look at me please. Now ....". I don't because we reserve that (quite effective) technique for children. I suppose smacking them might have the same effect in making them listen. Seems odd though. If someone smacked me I would forget everything they just said and concentrate on the smack.

I grew up in the 60s. My parents didn't slap. Their parents back in the 20s/30s didn't slap either. Managed to cross roads and rear children quite happily and safely. I'm also a bit baffled at those who were smacked, it wasn't abusive, it didn't make them fear their parents, it was all lovely but the slap was enough to make sure they never behaved like that again. Why? Did their 6 year old self say "gosh that slap didn't hurt at all and mum was quite calm and logical about the whole thing but still, she is breaking a significant social boundary here in hitting her child so what I did must be really bad. better not do it again" Would that work in places previous posters have described where nearly everyone slaps their children? If it is the norm, then it has to actually hurt to make a difference- right?

Anyway, in terms of actual research the american academy of paediatrics recently commented on the latest research all of which says slapping is both ineffective as discipline and damaging to children.

Why do so many shit people have a kid? Is it just mindlessly rutting and breeding and producing more grunting boring humans? If you feel you must force yet more humans into decades of existence at least put some effort in to actually parenting them, and when you feel compelled to attack them, hit yourself instead and go on a basic parenting course. Seeing the violent posters trying to justify themselves here is repulsive beyond belief. Hope your kids do the same to you when you’re vulnerable and dependent, won’t do you any harm will it?

On another note what do the pro smacking parents do when their kids get big enough to hit them back? Do they get into a brawl with their child?
My mum last smacked me when I was 11, I hit her back and it shocked the hell out of her. As far I was concerned I had every right to defend myself just as I would if another child hit me.