1 child left out.

[Mummyomg]

My brother and his fiancee have set a date for their wedding later this year. He has asked for my 2 sons (His nephews) to be pageboys (aswell as his other nephews). My daughter (His only niece) is not a bridesmaid. The bride's own 2 or 3 nieces will be bridesmaids. My daughter is not in the wedding at all, wasn't even given a choice. The children will be 5, 6 and 8 at the time of wedding. The youngest two are the boys.
Am I wrong in thinking that it's not fair on my daughter to be left out, or is this usual? We've not had a wedding in the family for years so I don't know what is normal.

I think this is horrible- it’s one additional bridesmaid to make a little girl happy and included- leaves a bad impression of your future SIL not just to include your daughter.

It's a twatty thing to do

It’s mean imo. I’d ask if she can be included in the wedding, even if as a “page girl”. And if not then I’m afraid I’d say no to the boys being page boys. The bride isn’t very nice if she’s excluding one child from a family of three.

Actually, I would decline your boys being involved, so that you can all sit together as a family, and nobody is left out, that is fair.

NB. Agree, definitely don't get her a bridesmaid's type dress for the day. A passive aggressive gesture is not the answer to these issues and will make you appear both small and disrespectful. The direct approach is best.

My sister and I were around her age when my uncle got married we were sad not to have a role as male cousins were pageboys but old enough to understand that bridesmaids came from her side.

All you can do is buy your dd an absolutely stunning dress that may look like a bridesmaids dress. I don't understand how people can be so mean, especially at a wedding. For bridesmaids i chose my dd, my dn and my dh dn as i know he loves her a lot and did not wanted to start off my married life on a high. His dn has always been very nice to me so why not pick her. My dh chose my youngest ds as his page boy. My eldest son did not want to give me away but was asked. You could tell your brother you think his dn will be upset not to be asked.

To hell with tradition if it meant my little girl felt hurt and left out. Decline the pageboy roles & explain why reasonably.

Bloody hell this is NOT about your DD. Self-centered much...

Bloody hell hmm this is NOT about your DD. Self-centered much... an eight year old girl, why must you be so vile!

his wedding, his rules. Sad, but true

I think it's a bit of a shame for the boys just to decline their invitation to be page boys and honestly think that if the genders were the other way about and the two younger girls were chosen and an older brother hadn't, you would't even contemplate it. The chances are that the boys wont get another chance as it's more common to have bridesmaids than page boys so your DD might get other opportunities but they probably won't.

Where I come from it's normal that the groom chooses the male party members from his side and the bride the female ones from hers so it seems perfectly reasonable to me.

It seems very mean to me, would it really have done any harm to stick her in a nice dress and let her be a flower girl so she’s not left out. I can’t imagine that they’re very thoughtful or empathetic people.

My sister left my son out of her wedding. She had every other child from both sides included in the party, including my 2 dds (one older, one younger than ds) it wasn’t down to costs as we were responsible for buying outfits etc it was just out of spite I think.
I bit my tongue and ds was upset but got over it.

Yet When I got married and didn’t have her dd as a flower girl she went apeshit and NC with me

Could you ask if she could be an usher, its a bit of a non role so most adults don't care but she gets to wear a nice dress and has something she is responsible for.

Could she give out the confetti or something similar? I’d feel the same as you, it’s so unkind and unnecessary.

That’s so unkind. I would be really upset too. Your poor dd.

Are there any boys on her side of the family that have also been left out?

If not, I would get her a 'bridesmaid' type dress for the day, and she can be an honourary bridesmaid.

Not only is this quite passive aggressive, how would it even work? DD would still be very well aware she wasn’t an actual bridesmaid. Agree totally about getting her a lovely dress etc, but don’t make her half a bridesmaid.

I think it's mean and I couldn't have done this. When I got married 'my' 2 nieces and my husband's niece were my bridesmaids. At no point did I consider leaving 1 out as she wasn't my side!! How someone can be so self absorbed to not take a childs feelings in to consideration is beyond me. Adults would be a different story.
If you are close with your brother I'd maybe suggest page girl? Otherwise I'd say the boys can just be guests too.

do you have any other siblings or is it just you and your brother? If you do, are their DC involved?

I think it's a bit of a shame for the boys just to decline their invitation to be page boys and honestly think that if the genders were the other way about and the two younger girls were chosen and an older brother hadn't, you would't even contemplate it

Good point.

Is your daughter invited to the wedding? If so get over it and accept she's not going to be a bridesmaid. Cant please all the the people all of the time.

As others have rightly commented, it's their wedding. And these are also your children. Just as your brother has the right to exclude only one of them from their party of attendants, you have the equal right to decline their invitation for the boys to participate. And this is what I'd do.

This. Every word. It's a shitty thing to do, and just because it's a wedding doesn't make it any less shitty. The OP's first responsibility is to her children, and I would be booking a nice trip away and declining the wedding invitation. Let them play bitch games on their own.