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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder if my friend/bridesmaid is taking the piss?

252 replies

MrDarcyWillBeMine · 15/01/2019 16:11

🤔 so we’ve been friends for ages! Since Secondary and DF has always been a bit - CF?
Would never contribute to petrol and then make everyone feel cheap for even asking! Also has a tendency to ‘preach’ her own point of view .... (which changes on a weekly basis). But it’s just her and we kind of loved her regardless!

Anyway- last week we had plans to meet for dinner but it didn’t happen (mutual lack of organising) . This week I’ve twisted my ankle and am struggling to get around.

So I asked DF to come over for dinner as her bridesmaid dress has also arrived and wrong sizes will need returning - DP loves to cook and (despite being a bridesmaid at my wedding in the summer) she’s yet to actually meet him! 🤔

DF agreed - but just sent me a message to say ‘let’s go out for dinner instead’, I reminded her that I can’t walk very well with my sore ankle. She replied that she doesn’t want to come and sit at my house when she could be out having fun (I have had to ‘sit at her house’ sooo many times when she wanted to). Apparently her PT job means she ‘can’t go out as much’ 🤔 and she’d rather see me when I’m back in perfect health! Also didn’t invite DP to join us!

When I mentioned that her dresses were here and that 2 of the 3 sizes she required to try on need returning so that I’m not sitting here £160 out of pocket - she said that she hadn’t ‘specifically’ agreed to come and try them on and I should pay more attention to the ‘specifics’!

Now DF and her parents are invited to the wedding and honestly I’m just having serious second thoughts - I’ve always found the friendship harder work than any other.

AIBU??

OP posts:
Tessabelle1 · 15/01/2019 16:15

I'd be re evaluating this friendship! 😲

Original poster
MrDarcyWillBeMine · 15/01/2019 16:15

*sorry - I just reminded her that the dresses were here - she already knew!

Also the last time we met up I drove the 30 minutes to her! I wouldn’t expect any one to want to hang out at home but we’ve been out the last 3-4 times we’ve met up and I mean...she’s supposed to be a ‘really good’ friend!

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 15/01/2019 16:17

I struggling to understand why you consider her to be a friend. She's selfish, tight, rude, and completely dismissive of your feelings and needs. She has zero consideration for you. I would end the "friendship" and return the dress.

ChasedByBees · 15/01/2019 16:17

I would send her dress back and demote her. It doesn’t sound like she’s a good friend.

Rockbird · 15/01/2019 16:19

I'd return all three dresses and send her a text saying you've rethought the bridesmaid situation and her services are no longer required. Have the invitations gone out. Tricky if so but if not I'd rethink that too. Who needs friends like that.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 15/01/2019 16:19

Bin her as your bridesmaid-it’s not going to get any better

ellendegeneres · 15/01/2019 16:20

I’d send her a reply saying that’s fine, we’ll cancel tonight and since she feels that way I’ll send all of the dresses back and we’ll say no more about it. Then block and remove from life.

She’s not a cf. She’s a rude piece of work and certainly not your friend

Didntwanttochangemyname · 15/01/2019 16:22

Is she a really good friend, or is she just someone you've known for ages?

She sounds like the latter, ditch her!

Original poster
MrDarcyWillBeMine · 15/01/2019 16:23

@Rockbird

Yes they have! And I do really like her parents. I like her too just find her hypocritical and critical sometimes!

Tbh I initially said I wouldn’t be having any bridesmaids but my cousin was desperate to so I said ok! DF sort of assumed and I didn’t correct!

I mean she does have her awesome moments - and would no doubt say that I’m ‘up tight’ and ‘boring’ but I just find her difficult!

OP posts:
TinselAndKnickers · 15/01/2019 16:23

“I’m sorry but I really can’t afford for these dresses to be sat around any longer, you need to come tonight or I’m afraid you won’t be able to be a bridesmaid anymore.”

She sounds ridiculous though - shocked she hasn’t met your DP yet and she’s meant to be a bridesmaid!

Gizlotsmum · 15/01/2019 16:24

I’d say you need to return the dresses by x date. If she is unable to come and try them on you will have to send them all back and she will no longer be part of the wedding party.

IdleBetty · 15/01/2019 16:25

She sounds like a CF. I would drop her as a bridesmaid as she seems to show no interest and will get worse.

However, Also didn’t invite DP to join us! Nothing wrong in wanting to see you on your own, she can meet him another time.

Original poster
MrDarcyWillBeMine · 15/01/2019 16:25

Tbf I may just wait until they ‘need’ to go back and then return them. If she doesn’t manage to try one on before then I’ll tell her to order her own and I’ll judt give her the cost back!

OP posts:
Maelstrop · 15/01/2019 16:25

“I’m sorry but I really can’t afford for these dresses to be sat around any longer, you need to come tonight or I’m afraid you won’t be able to be a bridesmaid anymore.”

Do this, then none of it is your fault.

LadyVox · 15/01/2019 16:26

‘DF, you need to try this dress on it you’re going to be a bridesmaid. If you don’t want to be a bridesmaid anymore then let me know and I will return the dresses.’

Then, if she says ‘of course I do!’ Then reply ‘great, then I’ll see you at mine for dinner as planned’

Original poster
MrDarcyWillBeMine · 15/01/2019 16:26

@idle

😂 - we’ve been together for Almost 2 years!! We’re getting married in August! She hasn’t met him!

OP posts:
Original poster
MrDarcyWillBeMine · 15/01/2019 16:27

@Mael

My cousin is trying hers on Friday - will deffo send this message after that!

OP posts:
Pfingstrose · 15/01/2019 16:29

She sounds like a nightmare.

Does she live locally? Tell her that the dresses need to be returned by x date in order for you to get a refund, and that you'll have to send them all back before that date if she hasn't tried them on as you can't afford to be out of pocket with so many other wedding costs to fund.

HJWT · 15/01/2019 16:29

She sounds like a pain in the ass

Purplecatshopaholic · 15/01/2019 16:30

You are putting up with this person why??

Pachyderm1 · 15/01/2019 16:31

What a tedious bitch. I couldn’t be bothered with her.

Calzone · 15/01/2019 16:33

Friendship shouldn’t be this difficult.

3boysandabump · 15/01/2019 16:33

I would just send all 3 dresses back and tell her to do one but I suppose giving her date she has to try it on by and then returning them if she doesn't bother is probably the more adult approach.

DarlingNikita · 15/01/2019 16:35

'she doesn’t want to come and sit at my house when she could be out having fun'
'I should pay more attention to the ‘specifics’

She's a rude bitch, not a friend.

Ethel36 · 15/01/2019 16:35

I would text her, "dresses have to be returned on x date, if you don't try them on then they'll be returned" . I would make the cut off date a few days before the actual return date, just in case.