To wonder if my friend/bridesmaid is taking the piss?

[MrDarcyWillBeMine]

🤔 so we’ve been friends for ages! Since Secondary and DF has always been a bit - CF?
Would never contribute to petrol and then make everyone feel cheap for even asking! Also has a tendency to ‘preach’ her own point of view .... (which changes on a weekly basis). But it’s just her and we kind of loved her regardless!

Anyway- last week we had plans to meet for dinner but it didn’t happen (mutual lack of organising) . This week I’ve twisted my ankle and am struggling to get around.

So I asked DF to come over for dinner as her bridesmaid dress has also arrived and wrong sizes will need returning - DP loves to cook and (despite being a bridesmaid at my wedding in the summer) she’s yet to actually meet him! 🤔

DF agreed - but just sent me a message to say ‘let’s go out for dinner instead’, I reminded her that I can’t walk very well with my sore ankle. She replied that she doesn’t want to come and sit at my house when she could be out having fun (I have had to ‘sit at her house’ sooo many times when she wanted to). Apparently her PT job means she ‘can’t go out as much’ 🤔 and she’d rather see me when I’m back in perfect health! Also didn’t invite DP to join us!

When I mentioned that her dresses were here and that 2 of the 3 sizes she required to try on need returning so that I’m not sitting here £160 out of pocket - she said that she hadn’t ‘specifically’ agreed to come and try them on and I should pay more attention to the ‘specifics’!

Now DF and her parents are invited to the wedding and honestly I’m just having serious second thoughts - I’ve always found the friendship harder work than any other.

AIBU??

Message her and let her know your cousin is coming on Friday to try her dress on and she needs to have tried hers on by then too. It might be good to have them both there at the same time maybe? Let her know that you will be returning the unwanted dresses after Friday and I if she hasn't been to try hers on then will assume she no longer wants to be a bridesmaid. Then leave it up to her. I am sure you will be fine with just the one bridesmaid!

" I’ve always found the friendship harder work than any other."
It's not a friendship. You are her audience, nothing more. You didn't want her as a bridesmaid - "DF sort of assumed and I didn’t correct!"

Just put a stop to all this. You shouldn't have let it start!

My long time friend was similar to this during my wedding planning. On the actual day she made me cry because she was such a dick and the next day, whilst I was on my way to my honeymoon, text me to say we would discuss my behaviour when I returned.
If you want advice? Tell her you don't need her anymore and explain why, hopefully I'm wrong but it sounds like she will ruin your day otherwise

Are you sure she has never met DP? As in, could she have dated him ages ago, and doesn't want to meet him again?

In any case, she sounds like a bit of a nightmare, and I'd do as suggested and use the dress return deadline to force her to decide if she is in or out

“OK, let’s forget dinner and deal with one specific at a time. I need you to come and try on the dresses so I can return the ones we’re not keeping. Which of these days is convenient for you?”

Do NOT let her take them away to try at home, if she asks.

She treats you badly, yet you seem eager to please her. Do you often think your feelings are less important than hers?

Likely she will snub the dress and turn up in her own ensemble.
Likely in white.

Why is your self esteem so low that you'd let someone like this have a big role on YOUR special day?

Just tell her you're returning the dresses and have decided just to have your cousin as bridesmaid (or none, as your cousin sounds like a pain in the arse too with her 'disappointment').

Dear Friend, what a shame you find the idea of dinner at mine and meeting DP so boring and would rather be out having ‘fun’. No doubt you will find my wedding boring as well so best you don’t bother with being a bridesmaid or coming. Now off you go to your oh so thrilling little life. OP.

As my Mum always used to say ’People who say things are boring are usually rathe boring themselves’.

Stop wasting your time and bin the rude bitch

This woman isn’t a friend.

Get her to fuck. You are asking her to come to dinner because you can’t walk that well and not to mention try on her dress- those aren’t big asks. And even if she had a genuine reason why she couldn’t go over she would say that? Instead she’s been rude.

Tell her she has to try them on by a certain date, or you will have to return them. It's the truth afterall.

TBH, she doesn't sound like a very good friend. Rather self centred and annoying!

OP you need to grab the bull by the horns and send the dresses for your 'alleged friend' back, keeping only the dress for your cousin.

this is beyond ridiculous, she's no friend she's selfish hideous bitch, why the hell would you want her in your Wedding party

Cancel HER

I would reply sorry for not focusing on the specifics but i thought you wanted to be bridesmaid seems not, i shall send all 3 dress back.
Too much drama about nothing. Send the dresses back do not pander to her letting her pick a day to try them on else she'll be having you change the wedding day to suit her too.

Anyone that said to me that hanging out with me in my house wouldn't be "fun" wouldn't be someone I would want as a friend. However you seem desperate to have her and minimise the bad stuff, oh that's just how she is we love her anyway. Why?? She's rude, horrible and not interested in your feelings. Why are you so keen to have someone like this as a friend, never mind bridesmaid?

Why is your self esteem so low that you will accept this dreadful attitude towards you?
Would you do this to her? No! Then drop her.

Do unto others... etc

I can't even get past the fact that she hasn't even met your partner when she is due to be a bridesmaid, and is clearly refusing to make the effort when it would be easy to do.

OP, you do not need a "bridesmaidzilla" who will be a nightmare at your wedding, make a scene, turn up late, and do her own things.

I don't understand how she can't get out enough by doing part-time work? I work full-time and if a friend wanted to see me and didn't feel up to leave the house I would go over, no questions asked. Definitely don't think she's much of a good friend if that's her reason for not coming over!

Thanks for the clarity

It’s insanely helpful to know that I’m not being a ‘dramatic bridezilla’ as that’s constantly on the back of my mind!

I will Absoloutley be more strict!
I just messaged asking for clarity on when she will try the dresses and got a vague ‘next week’ - if it doesn’t happen then I shall return them and that will be that!

I don’t have many friends and when I read something like this I consider myself lucky. Why in God’s name do you put up with this CF? She’s rude, demanding, doesn’t think about you and your feelings... what’s to like?

I would sit in a bus shelter with my friend and still have fun. It's the company not the venue that counts and she is telling you loud and clear she thinks you are boring and she doesn't value your companionship at all. Why do you let her treat you like that?

I echo the other posters who have mentioned your self-esteem. This is not a nice person and her actions have shown you that many times before by the sounds of things.
She sounds like the sort of person who'd raise merry hell on your wedding day whilst you rush around trying to appease her.
Quite honestly, cut her dead. The relief you'll feel will be palpable.

You find out who your friends are when you get married....
I haven’t spoken to my ‘best friend’ since I got married more than a decade ago! I had issue with her behaviour, she obviously had issue with something I did, we both mutually dropped each other. No loss really. I would have liked a bit of closure but you can’t have everything.

@you

I KNOW RIGHT! I would do the same- although I’m FAR more ‘wholesome’ than she is!

😂 last time we went shopping together she came out with ‘It literally makes me sick that any woman would plan her career around a man’

• this was directly following my explaining that I wouldn’t be taking a new job as it meant moving to Singapore.... yet her comment had ‘NOTHING’ to do with me and I was being overly sensitive 😂

I will Absoloutley be more strict!
I just messaged asking for clarity on when she will try the dresses and got a vague ‘next week’ - if it doesn’t happen then I shall return them and that will be that!
@MrDarcyWillBeMine

Stop letting her dictate the terms of your relationship! You’re being A complete doormat!

Tell her she tries on the dresses before the weekend or they're Going back. TBH I don’t understand why you’re still bothering with her - she's Basically just told you that she’s free this evening but that you aren’t interesting or fun enough for her to bother to visit. She sounds like a cunt. Do you REALLY want her in all of your wedding photos??