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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be angry that this is still happening!

646 replies

CosmicCanary · 14/01/2019 23:41

Bristol News

I know this is not the only girl this has happened to. I know there will be many many girls who have suffered the same humiliation in school just today.

I was one of them many years ago.
So many times i bled through my pad in lesson but I knew asking to go to the toilet in would be met with a NO so i didn't bother. It was a humiliation in its self for the whole class to know you needed the loo. Such a public audience for an other wise private act.

I have already told my DDs should they need the toilet they must ask but if refused walk out of lesson if they absolutely cannot wait and I will deal with school.
They will not suffer the humiliation and shame of leaving blood on a school chair as I did.

OP posts:
recklessruby · 15/01/2019 00:05

No yanbu it's awful.
This happened to me when I was 15 and sat on a grey chair and we wore grey skirts.
Luckily it was the last lesson of the day so I quickly pushed the chair under my desk and tied my jumper round my waist but I was soooo embarrassed Blush
I think it's awful that girls have to worry about walking past boys/getting the teacher's attention to ask to use the toilet/the worry of taking a bag with them and some of the stricter teachers asking why in front of everyone.
This is why I discreetly let mine go to the toilet when they ask.

Original poster
CosmicCanary · 15/01/2019 00:09

Girls at my school practised the art of slipping a pad up your jumper sleeve unnoticed. Back then they did not come in neat sealed little squares but instead seemed as long as your arm and they rustled! Grin

OP posts:
recklessruby · 15/01/2019 00:23

Lol what were they called? Kotex or Dr whites. Anyway they did rustle and were massive
So glad those days are behind me now!

GariBaldybiscuit · 15/01/2019 00:37

Gosh yes, Dr. Whites or Simplicity. Stick on but pre-wings. Take everything in your stri-ide!

AllTakenSoRubbishUsername · 15/01/2019 01:13

How can people ever be refused permission to go to the toilet, especially menstruating girls?? I would be furious if a school did this to my child. Imagine that happening in the work place? That would be a court case, for sure.

Flashinggreen · 15/01/2019 01:19

This is awful for such a young girl.

I was pissed off the other day when my DS wasn’t allow to go to the loo during his last lesson. The teacher then let them out late so he had to go straight for his bus, he phoned DH on the way home so he could get him from the bus stop and not wet himself. And then a few days later he felt really ill and more than one teacher wouldn’t let him go to the sick room.

But what this girl went through is something else.

They need to take more care of these young people.

Acerbics · 15/01/2019 04:45

Without having read the article...

I have at least one student per lesson asking to use the loo. The standard answer is indeed no. One, because they have time to go to the loo between every lesson and unless there is a medical issue (those with one can, of course, go) should be able to wait an hour, even with heavy periods and full-ish bladders.
Two, because if one goes, 5 others will ask to go as well, and that is no exaggeration.

Some girls will tell me they're on their period every week, because some think that it gets them somewhere with me.

Many who ask to use the toilet do so just after break or lunch times have finished - sorry, I have zero sympathy for someone who spends all their break doing whatever they please and "forget" to use the toilet during that allocated time. I expect forward planning.

The reality is, many students who ask to use the toilet do so frequently - some to the point one of my schools is now tracking just how often, which is quite an eye-opener. It's a way of avoiding work.

You use your discretion. My students know the standard answer is no and many will forget they were "desperate" after 5min. Very few will ask again and it is interesting to see who will complete work quickly and use dead time or even offer to stay on after lessons - both of which are good indicators that they are genuine.

Flooffloof · 15/01/2019 05:18

Some girls will tell me they're on their period every week, because some think that it gets them somewhere with me

Well your cycle may well be 28 days but I can guarantee that a whole load of girls will have no cycle. It happens when it happens, and it's sheer luck on your part that this hasn't yet happened to you with a girl starting mid class, leaking mid class or a parent getting angry enough to tell the papers.

Now back in the 80s I started my first ever period, at 11 years old. I had no idea why I felt so bloody awful and asked the male teacher if I could go to the loo. He said no (despite me not being one of those always asking) and I bled all over the place. And then, felt god awful, humiliated and sticky. All day. No fun. Just let girls go, one at a time if nec

Mummyoflittledragon · 15/01/2019 05:40

Acerbics
Do you not ever read period threads? Or the article? What does a girl with heavy periods do when she comes on 5 mins into a lesson?

Threads like these always go the same way with some teacher thinking they know what heavy periods are. When clearly they don’t.

Some heavy periods are immediate and will result in blood running down your legs. After 50 mins in this state or almost 2 hours for a double lesson the girl will be absolutely soaked. Some girls need to change their pad every hour. Again not possible in a double lesson.

Yes some girls take the piss although not all cycles are 28 days so perhaps some of the students are having periods every 2-3 weeks. This isn’t uncommon especially when girls first start to menstruate.

You sound like one of the teschers in the article. Ignorant.

HoraceCope · 15/01/2019 06:01

I am sure I have read this article before.

Cherries101 · 15/01/2019 06:09

We are supposedly a civilized society. Why do kids even need to ask to use the toilet? Let them go.

BlackCatSleeping · 15/01/2019 06:19

I teach abroad, but I've never said no to a student asking to go to the toilet. If more than one asks, I ask them to wait until the first person comes back. Just yesterday my daughter came down with a tummy bug and only just made it to the toilet in time.

I find it shocking that teachers in the UK say no. It's utterly unthinkable here.

Ceejly · 15/01/2019 06:19

Also a teacher.

If I let every child who asked to go to the loo out, I would have half a class most of the time.

I get it, I honestly do. I started at 11 and my "cycle" was two weeks of ridiculously heavy (frequently bleeding through night pads in a couple of hours) to two weeks off for about a year.

Teachers are, in almost every school, not allowed to let children leave to go to the toilet unless they have a medical pass. If ir isn't this way you end up with vandalism, truancy, bullying.

Nonetheless, teachers use their discretion and as a previous poster says, if the pupil is visibly distressed, completing work extremely quickly or bargaining their time, you know they're genuine.

I get asked by pupils to go to the toilet roughly 7 times per lesson. And their are girls who will lie about their periods (I know this because one girl in my class was found by their pastoral care teacher to have been lying to get out of class 7 times a day for 3 weeks).

Its unfortunate but with forward planning 90% of accidents can be avoided. If you are extremely concerned for your daughter I would advise you to contact their pastoral care teacher and discuss the fact that your daughter has extremely heavy periods. This will allow their pc teacher to let her classtoom teachers know that they should allow her very occasional trips to the loo.

Also really shocked to name-calling here. I get that it's an emotive issue but teachers are certainly not ignorant of how to do their own jobs. Would you say that to someone's face?

Ceejly · 15/01/2019 06:21

Omg so many spelling mistakes above! Clearly just waking up!

Ceejly · 15/01/2019 06:22

Omg so many spelling mistakes above! Their?? 😣soz, clearly just waking up!!

snitzelvoncrumb · 15/01/2019 06:36

I too have told my children that if they really need to just walk out and I will deal with the school. I understand where the teacher's are coming from, but if you have to go, you have to go. They might get in trouble but does it really matter?

Ceejly · 15/01/2019 06:43

@snitzelvoncrumb I get where you're coming from but I'm not sure if you realise what indiscipline problems you are creating for your childrens' teachers. I once had 10 pupils walk out of my bottom set because one boy insisted his mum said he was allowed to go and I couldn't stop him (true, as I obviously won't demean myself by physically preventing a child from leaving a room.)

If you have issues with the school's policies or rules, I would encourage you to participate in your school's parent council which will make your voice heard directly to the headteacher and has a much better chance of changing things than you telling your children to disobey theit teachers (which tends to make staff view the parents as unreasonable and unsupportive).

ISaySteadyOn · 15/01/2019 06:49

I'm with you, snitzel. It's unhealthy not to go when you need to, leads to UTIs especially in girls. And periods can be very heavy especially when they are just beginning. The teachers in the school in the OP were cruel.

snitzelvoncrumb · 15/01/2019 06:56

I understand what you mean, and I can't even begin to imagine how difficult your job is. But I have told my kids they can just walk out the room, they must be polite and only in a genuine bathroom emergency. They know they will be in trouble, but I would rather than than an accident, because periods do start at random times and well diarrhoea. Yes they should be organised but they are kids, and this is one aspect of life that school policy doesn't apply and unfortunately some kids take advantage, but emergencies do happen. However if they did this to muck around then they would be in a world of trouble.

Ceejly · 15/01/2019 07:06

You're right Snitzel, there has to be discretion on both sides. I let kids go to the loo if they say they are ill but I tell them to go to medical room afterwards (usually sorts out the timewasters, though not always). I think most teachers are the same. Sadly some kids aren't mature enough not to abuse their teachers trust by secondary level, though I am sure yours are! :D

GerryblewuptheER · 15/01/2019 07:11

Pesky girls. Always being female all over the place and inconveniencing every One. The sooner this country goes back to admitting they don't actually want girls in.school the better. Course they'd eventually miss them when they have no one to sit next to the disruptive kids and you have to Deal with them for once.

This should not be happening. Poor children. How humiliating. Its remsnisent of what happens in prisons where female inmates are denied sanitary products .

SnuggyBuggy · 15/01/2019 07:20

I used to wear San pro a lot just in case as I was so anxious about starting and flooding at school. I also didn't drink anything before and during school.

So glad I'm an adult now and don't have to do all that but feel for the teens that still do.

snitzelvoncrumb · 15/01/2019 07:20

Lol no they are rat bags, but know if they abuse emergencies they are on their own.

MeredithGrey1 · 15/01/2019 07:20

I have at least one student per lesson asking to use the loo. The standard answer is indeed no. One, because they have time to go to the loo between every lesson and unless there is a medical issue (those with one can, of course, go) should be able to wait an hour, even with heavy periods and full-ish bladders.

True, but some of the girls may have only recently started their periods and still be getting used to them. I remember when I was at school, it was probably my third or fourth period ever and I thought it had finished sooner than my other ones (didn’t have the experience to know better), so I took off my pad and went to the next lesson where I bled through my trousers after not being allowed to go to the bathroom. Yes, technically this was my fault and if I’d just changed/left the pad at break rather than removing it I’d have been fine but I was 12 and didn’t know.

WomanWithAltitude · 15/01/2019 07:24

I have zero sympathy for someone who spends all their break doing whatever they please and "forget" to use the toilet during that allocated time. I expect forward planning.

So if a girl is sat in your class and feels her period come on (having not known that it was about to), you won't let her sort it because you expect her to plan for that?