AIBU to be angry that this is still happening!

[CosmicCanary]

Bristol News

I know this is not the only girl this has happened to. I know there will be many many girls who have suffered the same humiliation in school just today.

I was one of them many years ago.
So many times i bled through my pad in lesson but I knew asking to go to the toilet in would be met with a NO so i didn't bother. It was a humiliation in its self for the whole class to know you needed the loo. Such a public audience for an other wise private act.

I have already told my DDs should they need the toilet they must ask but if refused walk out of lesson if they absolutely cannot wait and I will deal with school.
They will not suffer the humiliation and shame of leaving blood on a school chair as I did.

Weetabix

Well if they were all having really heavy periods (unlikely), then it would have to be managed. The girls mental health (not bleeding all over chairs), surely takes priority over anything else. The young girl in the OP has had it happen to her twice. Schools need to take into account the problems young girls can face with their periods, and make allowances.

My partner’s little cousin is 14. She asked to go to the toilet. The teacher (male) said no. She boldly told him that she was on her period and needed to change her pad. Still, he told her no. She told him that she’d bleed all over the classroom chair. He told her if she did that then she would go to detention!

FYI she now avoids school on he first two days of her period...some of her friends of this too

It certainly is not the case in all schools - in mine you would be wrong to deny a child the opportunity to visit the bathroom in lesson time, unless they had asked more than twice in the same 1hr 20m lesson (providing they did not have a medical condition).
How awful for this girl and all those like her.
I would certainly advise any girl at my school to walk out if refused in those circumstances and to tell Student Services who would then deal with the incident appropriately. It takes seconds to fire an email off to the teacher explaining and asking to see them after the lesson. If more schools were the same this wouldn't happen.

If your lessons are that bad that multiple children are lying multiple times a week to avoid them I think you could work on that rather than ban children from using the bathroom. Children should want to learn and hate missing your class @Salmakia - sorry are you Wilshaw?

If this is your honest opinion then can I suggest that you educate yourself in how a lot of teenagers behave in 2019!

Teenagers will try to get out of lessons for numerous reasons including
a) pre arranged meet ups
b) doesn't want to complete work
c) hates being expected to follow classroom rules as they don't have to follow any rules at home

and at the people who think that the only reason kids want to get out of lessons is that the teacher obviously isn't trying hard enough to engage them. Almost all teenagers would get out of lessons at least some of the time if they had the choice. And quite a substantial number don't give the tiniest of shits about school or learning, regardless of how amazing the teacher is. Seriously, you are living in cloud cuckoo land.

@recklessruby maybe you'd like to read nos123 to see that not all girls quietly leave a lesson rather than draw attention to the fact they are having a period.

LOL at the posters suggesting that children try it on, because the lessons are too boring or the teacher is shit. And those telling their children to just ignore instructions and leave anyway and THEY will deal with the school/ teachers and give them an earful. And then complain that teachers cannot control the classes. Anyone see a connection?

Ah well. Children with extremely heavy periods have toilet passes. As a youngster I didn't know when my periods would start, so I did end up wearing pads all the time until my body had a rhythm. To me, it was common sense.

My school always have pads for those who experience period poverty. But don't let facts get in the way of thinking I'm an evil bitch.

Come work in my school sometime.

As a youngster I didn't know when my periods would start, so I did end up wearing pads all the time until my body had a rhythm. To me, it was common sense.

I'm back to doing it now thanks to perimenopause, no idea when or where anymore. I accept that I can't control every situation and so plan accordingly.

Acer too right I would deal with the school.

There would be no need to give them an ear full i would listen while they explained the very good reason they allowed my child to wee themself or leak blood through their clothing. I am afraid simply saying some children lie therefore nobody is entitled to dignity will not cut it.

I send my children to school to be educated not to be humiliated.

It may seem draconian. I understand parents' perspectives there. Though i am shocked at the language some parents have used towards teachers in this thread. If I was spoken to this way at a parents' night I would direct the parent to my line manager as I would not be willing to be treated thus at my place of work.

There is actually a solution. If your child has a medical issue that causes them to need the toilet frequently/unpredictably or heavy/unpredictable periods, tell their pastoral care/guidance teacher. They will pass it onto us and we can let them go knowing it is legitimate. All it takes is communication. We are not mind readers and we do not know if your child has IBS or a bladder infection or bad periods. We do not in fact want to know. All I need to be tols is "x will need to go to the loo sporadically for a medical issue (because unpredictable/unusually heavy periods are a medical issue, having hqd them), plesde let them out and let us know if they're taking advantage."

@Acerbics

You have no idea what a heavy period is. As a teen I would rush from class to the nearest toilet to change my extra large overnight size towel, my classes were 50mins and the towel would be soaked and yes I would have leaked a bit EVERY TIME.
The toilets would always be at least a minuite or Two’s walk away, through a full corridor of people. We have one way stairs and corridor that would make this embarrassing journey longer.

As an adult I work in a centre that has sinks in The cubical and it is so lovely.

Even now as an adult I take 1000mg of tranemic acid to help with my flow. I can now manage an hour before needing to empty my cup or super plus tampon and towel.

I actually flooded today in the supermarket. Luckily I had black trousers on but it is so humiliating. I called DH to collect DD from school because all i wanted to do was get home shower and change.

This is my one thing I worry about with DD in a a mixed school.

You have no idea what a heavy period is. As a teen I would rush from class to the nearest toilet to change my extra large overnight size towel, my classes were 50mins and the towel would be soaked and yes I would have leaked a bit EVERY TIME.

You obviously know me and my body better than I do.

To the Teacher who said they would leave a note in the planner that DC had been in the previous lesson. How would this work in my DD's situation then? for students like your daughter they'd be issued with a pass which they can show staff which after about two weeks of teaching a class you learn who has them and they get to the point where they will catch your eye before heading out no problem no need for a not in the planner. Just explain how my previous school did it. It worked well to see the kids who are messing.

I too am shocked at how some parents on here seem to "gunning" for the teacher. It comes across as very aggressive, as if the teacher has set out to humiliate the child knowingly.

There is no need for this aggression. If your DD has an issue with their period a note to the school asking for them to be allowed to go when requested will suffice. We're all adults, I'm sure we all want the best for the kids; education and respect. I'd hope the kids could look to us and expect us to act like adults and communicate civilly. If parents and teachers can't communicate civilly, what hope have the kids got for role models?

@cricketballs3 pop that in your lesson plan love.

Nobody is gunning for the teachers

Yes we are all adults and some adults appear to want to punish all children for the acts of a few. Some adults are ignoring the impact this will have on a young person.
Some adults are choosing the easy option rather than correcting badly behaved children.
Some adults are taking away the dignity of other people.
But hey lets not focus on the 11 yo's who are humiliated. Lets protect the teachers feelings

I feel so sorry for teachers having to deal with this. No wonder so many are leaving.

pop that in your lesson plan love

I take it you are qualified to assess my lesson plans

Teachers, bus drivers, train drivers, checkout operators, surgeons - to name but a few. Are you ok with your bus driver taking a detour to nip to the loo?

I'd have a pretty major issue with my bus driver being an 11 year old. I would expect that someone who was old enough to drive a bus would have had time to get used to their periods and would only need to stop for the loo if they were suddenly unwell (if this happened no I wouldn't begrudge them stopping to go to the loo).

I would tell my DD that if it's a real emergency she can always go (in a polite way having asked permission first) to the loo whatever the teacher says and I'll sort it out any trouble for her. She would obviously know that she can't do this frequently as we would all realise that these emergencies don't happen frequently.

Deal with what Weet?
Parents upset that their daughters are left to bleed through their clothes and have their dignity removed?
Do you not think we should be?
Do you think it is perfectly acceptable to treat children like robots instead of individuals?

If teachers are leaving because parents are upset that they have humiliated their child then good!! Cleary they are not good teachers.

My period accident was over 28 years ago but my cheeks still burn with shame when i remember the blood seeping through my clothes and on to the chair.

Teachers, bus drivers, train drivers, checkout operators, surgeons - to name but a few. Are you ok with your bus driver taking a detour to nip to the loo?

This responce was answering a poster who said that no one in work was not allowed to go the toilet (in particular to respond to a PP that claimed that teachers can go whenever they needed to) not a claim that adults are biologically/experienced the same as young teens

“no. One, because they have time to go to the loo between every lesson and unless there is a medical issue (those with one can, of course, go) should be able to wait an hour, even with heavy periods and full-ish bladders.

My point @acerbics is that No not everyone can wait a hour