AIBU to be angry that this is still happening!

[CosmicCanary]

Bristol News

I know this is not the only girl this has happened to. I know there will be many many girls who have suffered the same humiliation in school just today.

I was one of them many years ago.
So many times i bled through my pad in lesson but I knew asking to go to the toilet in would be met with a NO so i didn't bother. It was a humiliation in its self for the whole class to know you needed the loo. Such a public audience for an other wise private act.

I have already told my DDs should they need the toilet they must ask but if refused walk out of lesson if they absolutely cannot wait and I will deal with school.
They will not suffer the humiliation and shame of leaving blood on a school chair as I did.

Well in some schools it might do but ours have consequences for being disruptive so if you don't want a C1 up to a C6 (permanent exclusion for violence etc) you won't mess around.
Consequences gained over a term could mean you would miss trips or school events and in year 11 we have a "passport to prom" diary which logs consequences.
Not many kids would want to rack up cs for messing about in the loos!
But the rule is one student at a time.

And girls on their periods don't want to draw attention to themselves so do slip in and out quietly!

Really?

Maybe in your experience but not in mine.

Even when I was at school in the 80s some girls took great delight in trying to embarrass the young male teachers by shouting out why they needed to go to the toilet.

should be able to wait an hour, even with heavy periods

Sorry but this is bollocks. I had extremely heavy periods as a teen where, for the first 2 days each period, I had to change pads more than once an hour. Just because you have not experienced something it does not mean it doesn't happen.

Teachers like you made my teen years hell and being bullied constantly for bleeding on chairs because I had no other choice was one really big factor in making me suicidal. When I read threads like this it makes me want to cry because I remember how bad it was.

Yes in my experience most of the girls would be
A) mortified to unexpectedly start their period in class. Especially a male teacher's class (or a "difficult" teacher) and
B) would not shout it out if half the class were boys.

It hardly disrupts the class if you let one student go at a time.

Yes, it really can. It might not so much if students spent their whole time in class sitting writing. But when the teacher is actually trying to teach, regular requests for the toilet, then considering whether or not to allow it, followed by complaints from indignant students who the teacher might not have been allowed to go (because they judged the student was just trying it on)... All of this is pretty common and very disruptive. Of course if you are fortunate enough to have an angelic class full of 100% trustworthy students, it will be fine. Not many of those around though.

And girls on their periods don't want to draw attention to themselves so do slip in and out quietly!

I agree. I mean the disruptive obes should be easy to spot shouldn't they? On account of being unable to leave or arrive quietly and sensibly.

Of they know the disruptive ones well enough to have them as part of a seating plan they know them well enough to know they take the piss with toilet breaks

Between unisex toilets

Not being allowed to change their tampons/pads

Having to sit in class with their rapist/harasser

Being responsible for behaviour management of the class

And body shamed for daring to hit puberty , told they are distracting and being taken shopping by teachers for granny skirts

And period poverty

Just what message are we sending to school girls these days.

Not "your safety, dignity, and education matter to us" for sure

I had this fear for my daughter at school. I bought her a few pairs of undies that are specifically made for this (not sure if I can name brands, or what the equivalent you have in the uk) but they are designed for periods. Like regular undies but a bit thicker in the crotch with special padding. They hold hours worth of blood with no leaks, and you can get light, medium, heavy styles.
Big relief for her not having to worry if her period arrives when she is not prepared.
Wish they were around when I was younger.

Not an angelic class by any means! But I 've been here ten years so think I know who will be taking the piss here.
Luckily these classes are exam years so got the mucking about stuff out of their systems mostly.
I do feel sorry for some teachers though (particularly of year 9 ) they are the worst year for stupidity.

Wow some of the posters on this thread seem mean! It’s making me dread sending my dd to high school. Not just because of this post but because of the attitudes of teachers. Surely all that attitude should be pushed in a different direction. Perhaps contact the government to ask that they publish guidelines instead of blaming 11 year olds?!
My periods were and still are very heavy. I only just managed at school but was always allowed out of class when I needed to go to the loo. I would not be able to take a job where restrictive loo breaks exist. So I don’t. School however was not up to me. Even now I still have to take breaks from work that vary depending on what’s happening in a particular month. What a terrible comparison to make on the post.

I haven’t got the answers that’s for sure. I’m not a teacher and I can imagine some students are PITA but that’s been the case for many years. Perhaps allow the students out and write to parents if the loo trips are excessive to the norm? I wonder the state of the education system these days. I bunked school/hid in rooms/ was generally dreadful but I came out with a decent education. I cannot imagine why even excessive loo breaks creates such huge disruption described on here. But alas, again I am not a teacher.

@peachchair don't worry. We are not all dragons

@recklessruby thanks. I don’t mean to generalise but it genuinely concerns me with some of the responses on here.
Perhaps it’s down to lack of support from above in schools.

If your lessons are that bad that multiple children are lying multiple times a week to avoid them I think you could work on that rather than ban children from using the bathroom. Children should want to learn and hate missing your class. If they don't there are bigger issues. And if it is a child wanting to miss all classes, not just yours, than again bigger issues with that individual child. Blanket bans for entire schools are not the answer and humiliate children.

This whole thread is about one of the reasons I am dreading going back to teaching.
Because you can never ever get it right all the time, and the one time you get it wrong you get it in the neck.
Like the time I believed the boy who said he was going to be sick and let him go to the loos with another boy (in case of fainting or serious illness you can't send them alone in case they collapse en route to sick room - as has actually happened) and they smashed up the loos causing an entire toilet block to be out of action for half a term. And a bollocking for me from SLT for letting him out.
Or when I believed the girl who said she had unexpectedly started her period, and it turned out she was meeting her boyfriend for a shag in the loos . A bollocking for me from SLT.
Or when I let a yr 7 out who didn't go to the nearest loos for some reason and ended up getting lost. And sparked a whole school search and a letter of complaint against me. And a bollocking from SLT for letting him out in the first place.
Or the yr 8 who when I said "ask again in 5 minutes when I've finished explaining X", didn't ask again and wet themselves.
Then there's the parents who don't believe in teachers authority but are the first to complain if the class is disruptive.
Yes there are crap teachers but most want to do their best for their students. Occasionally everyone makes a bad call.

Do those who blame the few disruptive children realise they are punishing the whole class?
For as many stories of children who misbehave/lie about needing the loo there are just probably more stories of children who have had accidents or bled through their clothes they just dont speak out due to humiliation.

At the end of the day it is schools job to manage children while in their care. Its the schools job to figure out how to tackle bad behaviour. It is not the schools job to remove the dignity of all because of the behaviour of a few.

Teachers can win they just need a better way of managing it instead of taking the easy option of no toilet breaks in lesson.
Children are humans not robots.

What @peachchair said! Totally agree with all points!

This is abhorrent!

In Denmark once you hit period age you don't even have to ask to go to the bathroom, you just go quietly so you don't disturb the class.

Even the younger children are never told no, unless there are too many that are already using the loo, in which case they can only go once someone else come back.

Anewobeforme, for what it’s worth, it’s the kids that should be getting a bollocking not you. It’s really wrong that teachers are getting blamed for this. These kids are responsible for their own behavior no one else.

Also, do other countries have a rule against kids going to the toilet? I’ve only heard about it in the UK. I wonder why the rest of the world manages but British schools don’t.

I had something similar once, it was only about the third time I had a period and it was the heaviest one I have ever had. I was going through a pad every half an hour. I wasn't allowed to go to the toilet, so bled through the pad and all over the chair. I stood up at the end of the lesson and blood was everywhere. I was never allowed to live that down at school.

I truly understand the reaction that refusing a child the toilet seems draconian.

But honestly, listen to what schools are telling you about behaviour in the classroom. It isn't just odd poorly performing teachers - it is endemic. There is a huge crisis happening in schools with regards to disruptive behaviour.

Teachers are trying to manage this behaviour as best they can. It's not a perfect system but then nothing is. I agree with a PP if you think your child needs access to the toilet at all times then speak to the school and organise this before an incident occurs and impress on your child the importance of going to the loo during break and at lunchtime.

This happened to a friend of mine when we were 15 and I took charge as all the other girls were embarrassed to tell the male teacher what had happened. He was mortified! Doubt he ever refused another girl after having to clean blood off the chair. I went to the school office (they gave out free pads at that point) and she went to the nurses office to clean herself up as best she could before going home early.
It's a medieval state of affairs. Teenage girls should be allowed out of the lesson - once - for exactly this reason.

@Acerbics is right, some classes will take the piss. I'm in an all boys school so it's easier, in some ways, to make a decision. I ask students to wait and have never had an issue. If they persist and are clearly uncomfortable, they go. If they are known offenders, they don't.

It is disruptive to those of you asking how it can be. I expect children to ask to get out of their seat, let alone leave the room. If a child walks out without permission, we're supposed to notify Reception (safeguarding). I pretty sure 99% of parents would be unhappy if their child was allowed to simply leave the class and the teacher ignored their departure.

Teachers are trying to manage this behaviour as best they can. It's not a perfect system but then nothing is. I agree with a PP if you think your child needs access to the toilet at all times then speak to the school and organise this before an incident occurs and impress on your child the importance of going to the loo during break and at lunchtime.

This is great if you know this. My DD started in yr 7 and had to go to the loo twice each lesson during the two breaks and twice at lunch. She started on a Monday we had no idea it would be like this! Her school were brilliant, they let her go each time she asked. She also had 2 weekly 9 day periods! She never had any problems with asking to go to the toilet.

To the Teacher who said they would leave a note in the planner that DC had been in the previous lesson. How would this work in my DD's situation then?

I don't know the answer but surely you must be able to see that in a class of 30 how disruptive it would be if all of the girls were needing to go to the toilet that many times? Twice each lesson x 15 girls (or 30 girls in an all girls school) how on earth could that be managed?