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AIBU?

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Original poster

Stupid PILs knowingly put my baby at risk

230 replies

hirstprint · 14/01/2019 14:20

PILs (from other end of the country) came to visit my 2 month old (first visit since new born). Visited most of Saturday and half of yesterday, stayed in a hotel overnight.

As they were leaving yesterday MIL announced that she didn’t want to tell me because they didn’t want to cancel the trip but FIL had been off work sick the previous week. Apparently he’s on antibiotics for a sore throat, fever etc.

Fucking furious.

I have an auto immune disease, my baby is 8 weeks old. How could they be so stupid.

MIL said it literally as she was walking out of the door. AIBU to write a blistering email to the stupid pair of them?

OP posts:
MrMeSeeks · 14/01/2019 20:11

Thanks for those who understand about viruses and bacteria and how underhand it was of them. Those that have a healthy family have no idea

Or have every idea but still not agree with you Confused

Deerstalker · 14/01/2019 20:12

Op You are not being unreasonable at all. Ignore everyone else saying otherwise, honestly.

They are a selfish pair of dicks and if be fuming. Your husband should be giving them a piece of his mind!!

cheesemongery · 14/01/2019 20:16

Wow. That escalated quickly.

OP I think perhaps you may need t focus on some perspective. You appear to be massively over reacting. Your kid will be exposed to more germs in a super market or when they have their jabs, sitting in the DR waiting room.

Indeed, which is what I said originally about taking baby out. This time of year is germ central wherever you go, supermarkets, surgeries - including baby weigh in etc, public transport if applies..

There is a huge gap between my 2, but I can imagine lots have one at nursery or in primary when they have a 2nd... germ ridden older sibling on hand.

It's just one of those things. FIL had a bacterial infection - as long as he wasn't putting babies fingers in his mouth or - I don't know, sharing his gak any other way, then baby should be fine.

Smallhorse · 14/01/2019 20:16

You are massively overreacting

QueenieIsLost · 14/01/2019 20:17

Thanks for those who understand about viruses and bacteria and how underhand it was of them. Those that have a healthy family have no idea

You mean like those who actually love with autoimmune disease or have very weak immune system but still disagree with the OP.

Or those who are HCP and have the KNOWLEDGE of what is or isn’t dangerous and still didn’t think it was such a big issue?

I actually suspect that people who think it wasn’t acceptable are actually those who are healthy with a healthy family. Over reaction and all that.

Jannali · 14/01/2019 20:20

If you feel like writing a blistering email then do so - but DON'T press send! However, writing about it on here may help.

If you're breastfeeding the baby will probably not develop any infection - anyway, if FIL had antibiotics earlier last week then he shouldn't be infectious by Saturday. Try not to worry. They probably asked the GP about any risks to the baby before they travelled.

bridezilla1 · 14/01/2019 20:23

"Autoimmune" covers a huge host of illness/conditions most of which are not adversely affected by catching a cold or virus so without knowing it's quite hard to if you are being OTT or not.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 14/01/2019 20:24

Op You are not being unreasonable at all. Ignore everyone else saying otherwise, honestly.

You mean ignore everyone who doesn't agree with you? Hmm

They are a selfish pair of dicks and if be fuming. Your husband should be giving them a piece of his mind!!

Or you know he could be less OTT and dramatic

JudasPrudy · 14/01/2019 20:32

Ok good luck when your baby starts nursery. All that blistering email writing will come in handy when they get a new illness every week.

cheesemongery · 14/01/2019 20:36

"Autoimmune" covers a huge host of illness/conditions most of which are not adversely affected by catching a cold or virus so without knowing it's quite hard to if you are being OTT or not.

Indeed. I have pernicious anaemia and need vit b12 jabs monthly. I try to keep myself as healthy as poss, but if I get a cough, before the jabs I'd often end up with a chest infection.

I tried to explain it to my boss - we get on very well thankfully - because he said auto immune? You've got AIDS? No....

So yes, it covers a huge spectrum and not necessarily a big deal (unless the person scanning your food is coughing, spluttering and snotting all over it... beep... puke. )

Schuyler · 14/01/2019 20:42

They’ve behaved very badly, I think you’re overreacting.
The fact you won’t say your autoimmune disease suggests to me that you know you’re overreacting.

Jux · 14/01/2019 21:08

When I was 2, my brothers 6m and 4, an aunt came to stay. She stayed with us for 2 weeks.

The night before she left, she confessed to my mum that she had TB and was on her way to a sanitarium in Switzerland.

Consolidatedyourloins · 14/01/2019 21:17

those who think we are, in FIL’s words, being “gay” about it, and those that don’t.

No one here has said you're being 'gay' about it, it's bad form to put (homophobic) words in people's mouths, OP.

worriedunimum · 15/01/2019 00:23

Wow, a lot of posters on here have no idea just how susceptible one can be with an auto immune disease! And with a very young baby? Words fail me tbh. OP you are totally right to be fuming and YANBU

domton · 15/01/2019 00:33

Have you read the whole thread? Plenty of people have been polite and she won't give her condition which of course is her choice, but renders that part of the explanation useless unless you know which of the 80 conditions she has?

jessstan2 · 15/01/2019 01:39

Not everybody is being over critical of the op but the fact is her father in law was highly unlikely to be infectious when she and her baby saw him. Had he been at the beginning of his illness he probably wouldn't have visited. In any case the baby will constantly be encountering people with viruses and bacterial infections unless you never take him out of the house or have visitors. Please try and get a sense of proportion about this, you're fuming at people who have done nothing wrong.

Jux, TB is always around. The jab stops people getting it but it has to be said, in bygone years, when there were far more cases of TB you could live with someone who had it and not catch it. So I doubt any of you were at risk from your aunt.

PyongyangKipperbang · 15/01/2019 01:56

Well health issues aside....you cant claim the moral high ground about the name calling. And frankly I dont think either you or your IL's sound particularly pleasant people.

Dvg · 15/01/2019 02:01

Seem as a baby can die with something as simple as a cold yanbu. Especially because who knows if it was just a sore throat? What if it's the flu or something.. Plus no-one gets anti biotics for just a sore throat

IamaBluebird · 15/01/2019 02:37

Does anyone actually say the words you've turned gay since you moved down South and slam a phone down. Surely they use mobiles up North and the screen would shatter.
Anyway hope none of you are ill and that you manage to sort things out amicably.

Bahhhhhumbug · 15/01/2019 02:39

I live a long way from one of my adult DS and DIL who have very recently had a baby.
One of my older dgcs there has CF.
I'm also a northerner as it happens too, no ferret or flat caps here though sorry.
To top it all my Ddil works in the medical profession and a other DGC there is of shool age,so imagine the bugs etc those two bring in to endanger the DGC with cf and the new baby.
I think you were being over dramatic and maybe Mil was making a point because she's had enough of it and knows they haven't endangered their new DGC.
As others have said you don't seem to like them very much and would quite happily make it difficult for them to see their DGC. They are as much your baby's GPS as your parents are. I doubt you would behave same with them.

Biancadelriosback · 15/01/2019 03:09

FWIW @OP I'm totally with you on this

SofiaAmes · 15/01/2019 03:13

Does anyone actually say the words you've turned gay since you moved down South and slam a phone down. @IamaBluebird clearly you've not met my xmil. That cliche would have been accompanied by a cigarette hanging out of her mouth and a beer in her hand.

PyongyangKipperbang · 15/01/2019 03:17

My parents rarely use their mobiles, so yes a slamming down of the phone could easily happen as they dont even have cordless. I keep my landline on purely for them as they never ring my mobile unless in a true emergency.....such as a reduced chicken in Sainsburys and they have already had chicken that week so do I want it?

SofiaAmes · 15/01/2019 03:22

Those of you who are immunocompromised and adults are making choices for yourself about how much risk you wish to take. The OP's IL's took that choice away from her.
And just to explain a little better how the medical side of it works....you can have a contagious viral infection with a secondary bacterial infection and be on antibiotics to treat the bacterial infection which may render it non-contagious, but still doesn't do anything for the viral infection. I know this, unfortunately, because I experienced it over and over again with ds. And for those who say...you better get used to colds when your child goes to school....it's clear that you don't really have any idea of what that means. If her ds is a healthy child then that might be ok, but since the OP is immunocompromised, that could be truly awful for her trying to care for a sick child while she is sick herself. I at least had the opposite...my ds was immunocompromised and missed weeks to months of school each time he got a "little cold." (He would always get a secondary infection which often was worse than the virus itself.) But at least I was generally healthy and could care for him.

jessstan2 · 15/01/2019 03:28

People are given antibiotics for a sore throat. I've had them, so has my son. It might be a bacterial infection so GPs often prescribe them, it's a toxic area but when the antibiotics clear it up in no time you are very glad, believe me!

I haven't heard the expression, "Stop being so gay!" since child was at school. I used to dance around in horror at he and friends saying it - to no avail. I've even heard a car described as 'gay' (smart car). However, in the above context & considering the approximate age of in laws, I think it was appropriate if not PC.

I mean, honestly, who is going to put their grandchild at risk? It's ridiculous.

The OP is being a drama queen.

It's no fun having a mother who is a drama queen - mine was so I know.