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AIBU?

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Original poster

Stupid PILs knowingly put my baby at risk

230 replies

hirstprint · 14/01/2019 14:20

PILs (from other end of the country) came to visit my 2 month old (first visit since new born). Visited most of Saturday and half of yesterday, stayed in a hotel overnight.

As they were leaving yesterday MIL announced that she didn’t want to tell me because they didn’t want to cancel the trip but FIL had been off work sick the previous week. Apparently he’s on antibiotics for a sore throat, fever etc.

Fucking furious.

I have an auto immune disease, my baby is 8 weeks old. How could they be so stupid.

MIL said it literally as she was walking out of the door. AIBU to write a blistering email to the stupid pair of them?

OP posts:
MarilynSlumroe · 14/01/2019 19:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

joanmcc · 14/01/2019 19:51

"You both sound as delightful as each other "

Interesting that you think calling someone "stupid" is just as bad as homophobia.

cheesemongery · 14/01/2019 19:51

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

TheDowagerCuntess · 14/01/2019 19:51

This is the kind of thread that makes me pleased that my family and wider circle are reasonable people - considerate and able to engage in reasonable discussion.

More and more thankful as it goes, as such types seem to be a dying breed.

@MarilynSlumroe - yes that's right, we have. And the OP's reaction is typical of the era we live in. Kinda my point. Confused

Teateaandmoretea · 14/01/2019 19:52

This is the kind of thread that makes me sad that my eldest in his 20's is male - I'll be the MIL one day

So don't tell DIL smugly on the way out that DH has been ill like you've made some kind of victory

Don't witter on about babies everytime you see her when she isn't ready, making her feel like a mobile womb; don't make loaded 'compliments' about how WOW she's lost weight 6 months after giving birth (when she wasn't ever even fat); don't interfere making negative comments about how tiny her and your DD'S 4 bed detached house is; don't huff and puff about how ridiculous hbb are. It really isn't hard and I still see the good in MIL Wink

I think you are overreacting re the risk OP but yanbu to be annoyed about her telling you on the way out.

TwiceAsNice22 · 14/01/2019 19:53

I can’t believe some of the comments. How condescending with “is this your first baby?”, you are sleep deprived etc.

It is perfectly reasonable to not want someone visiting a tiny baby who has just had a week off work due to illness. It’s perfectly reasonable to want a heads up if someone has been sick so that you can make your own decision as to whether or not you wanted the visit to go ahead.

And of course your MIL was telling you to get a reaction, why on earth would she have told you as she was leaving otherwise?

And Cheesemongery, I would have postponed a visit with my parents if they were ill when my twins were newborns (I would still postpone a visit now and they are 4)... but then my parents would have cancelled themselves as they aren’t selfish, putting their needs ahead of their grandchildren’s health

Teateaandmoretea · 14/01/2019 19:53

And the OP's reaction is typical of the era we live in. Kinda my point.

So you really think the way she was told as they were leaving was reasonable? Really? ConfusedHmm

Teateaandmoretea · 14/01/2019 19:54

DS not DD

MarilynSlumroe · 14/01/2019 19:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cheesemongery · 14/01/2019 19:55

I've got a son too. Instead of using it as a means of self-pity, I've resolved that I will NEVER behave like my MIL has done with my children.

You are already setting yourself up to be your DIL's enemy and you haven't even met her yet.

My son is in his 20's he has had two long term relationships, I've gotten on very well with both of his girlfriends.

To leap on that one comment makes me laugh at how desperate you must be not to be your MIL. It was a general comment based on the mn MIL hating that seems to happen.

Are you okay?

MarilynSlumroe · 14/01/2019 19:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cheesemongery · 14/01/2019 19:57

So don't tell DIL smugly on the way out that DH has been ill like you've made some kind of victory

Don't witter on about babies everytime you see her when she isn't ready, making her feel like a mobile womb; don't make loaded 'compliments' about how WOW she's lost weight 6 months after giving birth (when she wasn't ever even fat); don't interfere making negative comments about how tiny her and your DD'S 4 bed detached house is; don't huff and puff about how ridiculous hbb are. It really isn't hard and I still see the good in MIL

Erm... none of this is anything to do with me.

Nerves touched eh? Grin

Teateaandmoretea · 14/01/2019 19:58

Yeah just a few tips GrinGrinGrinGrin

My MIL is lovely but can be genuinely fucking annoying

Vedette89 · 14/01/2019 19:58

I think you are overreacting massively about the risk but you have every right to be annoyed at her saying as she left.

I'm curious as to why you created a new account to let this - guessing you have form in this respect.

Your father in law sounds like a caricature of a northerner 'gay bastard' - has he got a whippet ?! Sorry something about this doesn't quite ring true to me.

cheesemongery · 14/01/2019 19:59

erm why was my post deleted MNHQ?

I've not broken any guidelines, I was the one that was told I was being self pitying and potentially threatening any relationships with my sons future girlfriends.

Explanation please.

jessstan2 · 14/01/2019 20:00

I very much doubt your father in law would still have been infectious after a week off on antibiotics. There's also no reason to suppose your baby would catch the infection from him any more than from anyone else with whom he comes into contact. I think you are over reacting to something which is quite a normal occurrence.

I'm sorry about your auto immune condition but same must apply to you regarding your FIL, he might still feel a bit groggy but these very common infections don't usually last more than a week and he was treated for it.

MarilynSlumroe · 14/01/2019 20:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cheesemongery · 14/01/2019 20:02

I've got a son too. Instead of using it as a means of self-pity, I've resolved that I will NEVER behave like my MIL has done with my children.

You are already setting yourself up to be your DIL's enemy and you haven't even met her yet.

My post got deleted for responding to this bollocks?

cheesemongery · 14/01/2019 20:03

Sorry that you didn't realise calling other people 'unhinged' is against talk guidelines.

It's obviously insulting, rude, childish, and failing to engage in debate at even the most basic level of civility, but yeah, it's also against talk guidelines, funnily enough.

HTH hun.

Hahahaha

thank you for the explanation and your insight in to mine and my adult sons life.

I'm so very grateful HUN

Ollivander84 · 14/01/2019 20:04

I think you are overreacting a little bit. I posted before about my neutropenia and my count is often so low that I don't sit in a&e waiting rooms and I have a side room if I'm admitted and barrier nurses (notice on door etc)
I work FT and so people who are ill are around me a lot. I try to avoid active tonsillitis and also chickenpox is a big one for me
Colds/end of infections etc, unavoidable

TheDowagerCuntess · 14/01/2019 20:07

Are you OK @MarilynSlumroe ?

You seem to be wilfully misunderstanding me left, right and centre. I agree that the OP's family are incredibly inconsiderate - and that makes me thankful for mine.

The 'should I send a blistering email' comment just made me chuckle, imagining the OP furiously typing away.

If anything, it's a bit dated. Who emails friends and fam these dats?

MrMeSeeks · 14/01/2019 20:08

Yes, yabu and im immunocompromised!

TheDowagerCuntess · 14/01/2019 20:08

Are you OK @MarilynSlumroe ?

You seem to be wilfully misunderstanding me left, right and centre. I agree that the OP's family are incredibly inconsiderate - and that makes me thankful for mine.

The 'should I send a blistering email' comment just made me chuckle, imagining the OP furiously typing away.

If anything, it's a bit dated. Who emails friends and fam these dats?

cheesemongery · 14/01/2019 20:08

My MIL is lovely but can be -genuinely fucking annoying-

strikeout prob won't work, but I can say exactly the same about my own mum Grin

She drove me mad some 20 odd years ago when first was born! I lived in a different city. Phew.

lickencivers · 14/01/2019 20:10

Wow. That escalated quickly.

OP I think perhaps you may need t focus on some perspective. You appear to be massively over reacting. Your kid will be exposed to more germs in a super market or when they have their jabs, sitting in the DR waiting room.