To ask, if you or your DH have well off parents, do they support you financially?

[KissHerYouBrilliantFool]

I have recently come across several adults, in their thirties, who are supported financially by well off parents.

One acquaintance has told me that both her parents and her in-laws are millionaires and they both give her and her DH a generous monthly allowance. Her parents bought their house and cars for them. She is a SAHM and her husband runs a hobby-type business that doesn't generate very much money.

It has got me wondering whether lots of people are bankrolled by parents/in laws/other family members.

My parents are well off, and could afford to help. They’ve chosen to a few times (a loan when purchasing a family friendly home when I was pregnant - to be paid over 3 years and at the same interest rate as they were earning on it), but otherwise they don’t help.
We stay with them regularly, but I even had to buy my own things for my son to stay there - so I own a second cotbed and a load of bedding which is kept these so I don’t need to trek it there each time (they live 4 hours drive away), same with toys etc.
The stereotype over-indulgent grandparents they are not! They worked hard for their money, and they are determined that I and my siblings will too

Yes my father is comfortably off (nowhere near behind a millionaire!!), and yes he does help me. Probably to the tune of about 2 or 3K a year, and he has just paid for my divorce. I am a single parent to three on a not very good wage, so I am very grateful.

Whilst some of the stories are lovely and parents seem quite generous.Why do some people believe it is their right to be given money gifts etc from parents.I have never wanted more than to see my own parents be able to live comfortably and enjoy their retirement with the money they have worked hard for.They are not wealthy and neither am I.My children work for what they want and we all appreciate what we have

Parents are divorced. DM has a lot of money - probably 7 figures - not from working but from inheritance via many family members. She has not given me a single penny since I left home and if I ever have needed to borrow a fiver for the shops, she ensures I pay her back.

Dad (divorced 40 yrs ago from DM) is very wealthy and generous to a fault. He has over his lifetime bought 5 homes for different family members, gave cash to support businesses, paid for expensive health care for family members and regularly gives all his kids 10k each for Xmas. It's v weird to see the difference in my parents re: providing financial help. I do think, however, that some family members and some of the children have taken far too much advantage of this generosity.

My mother has given me nothing for decades as she has nothing herself. It doesn’t matter at all to me as it is she I care for. My DH and I have paid quite a bit for our children’s education and a deposit for a house for one of them with some in reserve for the other. We intend to leave them as much inheritance as we can. In the end love without strings is more important than money. Though money without strings certainly helps.

My parents are very comfortable and they help us out financially from time to time. They loaned us money to buy a car. They helped us when I was on maternity leave and we were struggling. They pay for holidays for us all together. They buy things for the children e.g. school shoes, paying for swimming lessons etc. They buy generous birthday and Christmas gifts. I feel very lucky to have them.

Goodness me, either Mumsnet is a self selecting group of extremely well off people or this thread is attracting those same wealthy individuals. I am staggered at how much some folks have.

It is heartening to see how grateful and loving some children are and how very much the opposite it is to see Shakespeare’s view of ingratitude personified.

‘ How sharper than a serpent’s tooth is is to have a thankless child.’

Know a friend who is bank-rolled by v. wealthy PIL - properties in expensive parts of London, private school fees for the children, nannies, holidays. Friend is SAHM and husband has a hobby-type business.

Mine and DH’s parents are just comfortable in comparison. They both have multiple properties, savings, generous pensions etc, but not ridiculous amounts. They’ve gifted us £10k each for our wedding. My parents have given us five figures once in a while when they feel like it which is very generous. Though I think it makes up for their guilt for not being supportive over the years. ILs very comfortable too but only give us a few hundreds for Xmas/birthdays. No help with house deposits etc.

Luckily we both work hard and will probably be more wealthy than them. The best gifts they’ve given us are top private school education and no debt. We hope to do the same for our children.

It’s very common in my social circle. I have several friends who’s parents pay their DCs school fees, my DM gifted myself and my siblings £50k each for a house deposit, and I know various couples where one or other set of parents regularly gift ‘big ticket’ items- cars, holidays, home renovations. I think it’s usually pretty obvious. You know what they do/can make an educated guess at their income, and it’s not a giant leap to work out that they have another source of income.

My FIL helped us with our first down payment fourteen years ago. Now my husband’s salary far outstrips what his now retired father earned.

When the time comes, I will definitely buy homes for my children. I do want to ensure that they don’t become trustafarian drifters, though. It’ll be a fine financial balance.

No well off family here but my ExH's mother did loan us £20k as a deposit on a house when we were 23. (Over 20 yrs ago).

That deposit got us both on the housing ladder and whilst we had highly paid jobs & paid her back quickly I credit her generosity, in part, for where I am now as ultimately I made about £200k out of that property even after I had bought out the Ex-H. In the days of self cert mortgages mind & a long time ago - but that money has stayed invested in property & indirectly helped us (me &DH) to buy our current home.

My DF was a high earner in a niche profession so didn't do it for the money and they were more interested in culture than material wealth, so had acquired quite a lot by retirement.

In the last 20 years they gave us generous deposits for two properties and then paid them off in the last two years for tax reasons.

This has enabled me and my DH to now both work part time/self employed. However, we live quite modestly compared to many of our friends and acquaintances who have full time well paid jobs.

We were on holiday last summer with a group of friends where the wives were either SAHMs or part time but the DHs were high earners and their values were very different to ours. The conversation was very competitive and aspirational - how well their DCs were doing academically or in sport or how much their homes had increased in value after they'd done some home improvement etc.

It made us realise how much the generosity of my DPs had changed our outlook on life compared to our friends. We're just not materialistic or competitive, just really grateful to be able to have a nice work/life balance that we hope to be able to pass on to our DCs.

DP and I are both 23, his parents are millionaires mine are comfortable. My mum occasionally shoots me £50 and still pays my phone bill (I'm on a v low trainee wage and she insisted until my wage goes up).

His parents bought us a flat outright.

Other than that we don't get a monthly allowance or anything but am aware it's much more than many.

I left home and got married at 18 years. Im now in my 50's. Not once have I relied on my parents to subsidise my lifestyle. Despite being divorced from a total nob, and working to maintain my family I can honestly say I'm proud to not have to rely on my parents for money.

@GloveHangover exactly this regards how other people treat money and talk about it.
Been given money to help hasn't ever made me say oh well I have this and I have that and boast about it. People would never know our financial situation and how much we have in the back from how we live etc. We appreciate the value of money a lot more than some people I know who have hardly anything.

My parents (well off) bought me a house. I bought wisely and turned their money into something much much more. We now live really comfortably. It's made me work hard though seeing what my mum and dad have done.

My parents are paying my kids university costs (living not fees) otherwise no, though they have taken us away on holiday most years, which we were grateful for when we were broke) and they have offered to help which we turned down. We have a decent income now so the only reason we are short is because of overspending!

Wow being taken on holiday most years and uni costs is a huge help! Ive a wealthy family but they dont share at all . We're low income! A holiday each year and not worrying about uni living is huge.

I am envious of so many on this thread! I think if my income was higher I wpuld be less so, but struggling as we are and sewing wealthy family not even take the kids for an ice cream the difference gratea, whilst of course not expecting it!

My parents have given me more than £60k in gifts over the years. Spent on house deposit, home improvements, a wedding.

They are lovely people and there's never any strings or conditioned. They are very generous to my children too with time as well as gifts.

I hope to do the same to my children when they are adults if I'm in a position to.

Glove- we would be similar. There's a real privilidge that comes from feeling secure and settled that comes from having a good financial background. If youre not anxious about kids future/housing/etc its much easier to just enjoy life. When the basics arent right people strive.

Ita like when people (with large houses) say, "Oh we dont pay for kids parties we just have them at home." Whereas we have a very small house that wouldnt have room for many children, certainly not to really do anything, so we've usually had to shell out when theyre smaller and want more than 2-3 people.

Its a silly example, but having come from living in a world of privilidge and now living on an ex housing estate, its so easy to see the privilidge!

@sheerjewl I think the three most important things having generous parents has given me is:

1. A lack of any substantial stress
2. To be able to have kindness and fairness as guiding principles
3. Being able to marry for looks alone (call me shallow)!

Loads of our friends are. My parents have cash but don't share...well they have to my sister but not me! We've really struggled at times and both work so hard. I know if I left dh and struck out on my own I'd get nothing. We drive a crap car whilst parents drive a paid for outright bmw. I try not to get eaten up about it seeing £20k etc being gifted to friends for house deposits etc but it does hurt sometimes....

Crikey. So much money around, but this is such an unequal society isn’t it?

My parents each own their very modest house and flat outright now as they paid off mortgages years ago. They are also of a generation that could afford to pay into pensions and are now in their mid 70s. Free TV licence, prescriptions, eye tests, heating allowances, bus passes etc.

They are both very decent, caring people but I have never expected or been given any money, despite being n a much more precarious position in my 50s.

If only! I've always worked, but my dad is now on his own. He still has to work in his 70s and my brother is long term unemployed due to health issues. So I find myself helping them out. Not being able to build up any real savings for myself.
Any extra goes to the kids savings accounts.
So no one in my family has ever been 'rich'. My DH has money, saves loads, but is very mean with it. Sometimes I wish I could have 'new' things, but alas, It's note meant to be .

My parents are comfortable (baby boom generation, so benefited from house prices, generous public sector pensions etc). They don’t support me on a regular basis, but have helped out both me and my brother a couple of times for a specific reason (buying a house, SIL going back to uni, that kind of thing).