Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask, if you or your DH have well off parents, do they support you financially?

201 replies

KissHerYouBrilliantFool · 13/01/2019 22:58

I have recently come across several adults, in their thirties, who are supported financially by well off parents.

One acquaintance has told me that both her parents and her in-laws are millionaires and they both give her and her DH a generous monthly allowance. Her parents bought their house and cars for them. She is a SAHM and her husband runs a hobby-type business that doesn't generate very much money.

It has got me wondering whether lots of people are bankrolled by parents/in laws/other family members.

OP posts:
Dogmum94 · 14/01/2019 15:46

Meant to add I have also nearly finished paying my parents back as I made it clear that I wasn't looking for a gift or free money and didn't want them to think I was taking advantage

VictoriaBun · 14/01/2019 15:50

I'm interested in what is deemed as 'well off ' ? I think disposable money should be what is being spoken off here so £25,000 , £50,000 or £ 500,000 in the bank. What is wealthy ?

SoyDora · 14/01/2019 15:54

Not wealthy by some of the standards on this thread, but my dad and my IL’s are financially comfortable.
They don’t bankroll us in any way but are generous. For example our washing machine broke last week, the day before I was being induced with our baby and I returned from hospital to a new one in its place. He did this to save me stress and bother with a newborn rather than for financial reasons but he would be upset if I gave him the money back.
IL’s live abroad and are generous with gifts for the DC when visiting and will give us cash gifts every now and then. They lent us money for our house deposit but we have paid it back in full.
My mum however works full time in a minimum wage job and is mortgaged until she’s 70 so we help her out, taking her on holiday and out for meals etc. I am due to inherit some money from a relative which I will give to her to pay off a lump of her mortgage.

Confusedbeetle · 14/01/2019 16:06

Giving them an allowance is not helping them join the world of grown ups is it? Very disempowering. Often there is a price to pay.

Schuyler · 14/01/2019 16:38

My dad is wealthy. He’s not generous but he’s not mean either, he’s normal. If I couldn’t feed or clothe myself and DC, he’d help. My mum earns a bit less than me. She tries to give me money all the time! I don’t accept but she’s generous and loving with her time which I do accept and I spend a lot of time with her.

shiningstar2 · 14/01/2019 16:42

Hi speaking from the other side here. We are not wealthy, have never had an inheritance and ordinary jobs. Fairly comfortable in retirement. Paid for daughters wedding £10000 15 years age. Have treated her, her husband and two kids to 4 holidays abroad. Paid half of a car and various monthly hobby fees and expenses and pocket money for the kids. Happy to do treat meals and cinema ext. Grown up treats for daughter. Our daughter is lovely, works hard, great provider so happy to help. However we are very careful about the ways we help ...usually 'extras' rather than needs. If either her dad or I died the house income we have would be halved so wouldn't be able to do as much so better to help with a better quality of living than they could otherwise afford than begin a pattern of helping with bills which we couldn't keep up.

We also look after ourselves, enjoy meals out, holidays without them ext so we are not martyrs and always ensure we have enough to enjoy our retirements.

tattyteddy · 14/01/2019 16:56

My parents and the in-laws are pretty comfortable. We have received help with buying a kitchen and in-laws are generous too. My DS and DD are my parents only grandchildren and the in-laws only have three altogether too.

itbemay · 14/01/2019 17:07

parents not rich but comfortable, DM will often pay for things for us - we have our hair cut / coloured together and she will often pay, if something breaks in house or car etc she will leave money in envelope for us hidden then text me once she has left as she knows I wont accept otherwise , she is amazing like that.

DF is as tight as ar*ehols.... always has been and prob always will be!

PIL have nothing, made very bad financial decisions that are haunting them now. In fact we help them out as much as we can.

Aaaahfuck · 14/01/2019 17:20

I'd be really interested to know what people think is wealthy /comfortable. As this makes loads of difference as to what people can afford to help with.

sickmumma · 14/01/2019 17:25

My parents don't offer any financial help at all in fact my mum often comes to me for handouts.

My Nan has helped us in the past with deposits for rental houses when younger and I guess if I asked would lend me money.

DH Mum and Dad are probably the ones
Who help us the most - will take us for
Meals and pay and things like that but we've never had lump sums or house deposits etc.

But tbh my in laws, my dad and brother all offer support in other ways, are heavily involved with the kids etc and that's perfect for us!

We've had friends who have been gifted weddings, house deposits, baby equipment etc! They are very lucky!

sheerjewl · 14/01/2019 17:32

My parents would be considered wealthy. They paid for our house we live in, have also given me a substantial amount of money to invest in bonds etc.This money is not touched and just gets transferred to different bonds and isas over a number of years.
They put our son's ISA allowance in every year (he's 2)

This is done for inheritance tax reasons as if it is not given to me then when they both die I would have a substantial tax bill to pay.
My dad is very savvy when it comes to finances and money.

We however live off our salary monthly but because we do not have a mortgage to pay we manage to save a lot ourselves.

I have been brought up to appreciate the value of money and am not spoilt. We are very careful with our money as that has been instilled in me from an early age.

I too will help my son as much as I possibly can as he grows up as that has what has been done for me.

There are no strings attached with this at all and we do not have to answer to them with money as we live off our own salaries. We are extremely lucky.

BatShaped · 14/01/2019 17:33

Yes. My parents are very wealthy and they give me and my brother monthly money, yearly money and trust funds. For inheritance tax purposes.

I don't feel 'bank rolled.' I have my own business. It's just how it is and I appreciate them

Ncobvs · 14/01/2019 17:38

My parents live in a house worth about £650k (in the North) they earn about 50 to 55 k between them as one is retired. They also have about 200 to 250k which they got as a pension lump sum. Myself and my partner earn well so don't need help. We recently bought a house and weren't offered anything to help. In all the time we were saving after my sibling had bought a house they never asked what out plans were regarding home buying. I don't want to be entitled but it would have been nice if they had even just asked if we were OK financially. With my parents it's less about the money more about the lack of interest and care they have in my life. Sometimes I think if they were more financially generous it would show they cared.

motortroll · 14/01/2019 17:39

My parents are well off NOW but only because they have scrimped and saved all their lives. My dads parents also scrimped and saved and helped my parents pay off their mortgage. My dad also got a sizeable inheritance. All 3 of us got a 10,000 lump sum from my dad following that inheritance and my dad holds £10,000 in reserve for borrowing which we pay back as quick as we can. My grandad saved money for all of us to use at uni/during training. I had £3000.

So yes I get money from my parents. They have focussed their finances on providing for their children as did my grand parents.

My husbands parents have no mortgage and plenty of savings. They're giving us £10,000 towards our imminent house move. They borrowed a lump sum for our first house deposit which we paid back. They regularly buy things we couldn't provide (like a boat for our family lol) they have gifted us a car in the past when we needed it too.

I fear my children may not be so spoiled. We are shot with money Confused

AnnabelleLecter · 14/01/2019 17:43

We have a childless rich aunt and uncle who have given away thousands over the years.
We're better off than both our DPS but they are still fairly well off and in-laws often give us a big cheque. My DPS have suddenly started to give away some of their money too.
We've also inherited a good amount from grandparents on both sides.
We have always worked but all this help means we can retire early and be generous with DD and in the future help with house deposit.

sheerjewl · 14/01/2019 18:10

I also wonder what people would consider as a lot of money/wealth/enough to help children out.
I bet people's views are very different

whassupmissus · 14/01/2019 18:54

I've done ok for myself and I will definitely buy my kids a car and probably downsize and give them a good chunk for a house. I want to do it. I never had it

whassupmissus · 14/01/2019 18:58

For the last poster I am thinking 200-300k per child

MintyCedric · 14/01/2019 19:05

My parents are comfortable, rather than rolling in it, and I'm an only child.

They help me out from time to time, and when I got divorced topped up my settlement so I could afford to buy a small house (I also have a mortgage) rather than a flat as they were keen for me not to have ground rent, maintenance, leases etc to worry about.

I'm very grateful to them, and I do my best to support them in whatever non financial ways I can in return.

Lindy2 · 14/01/2019 19:17

My mum is quite well off. She has from time to time given cash gifts to us.
It is very much appreciated but not taken for granted.
She chooses when and how much. When my DB was unemployed for a while and not really trying particularly hard to get a new job she told him he'd get no more handouts until he was back working and earning. Shortly afterwards he did get himself a job.
She will help us financially for extras and is generous but she expects (quite rightly) that we manage our normal day to day finances ourselves and that we are financially sensible.

greendale17 · 14/01/2019 19:19

Some of my friends parents have money. Wouldn’t class them as wealthy. They don’t get allowances but their parents did help with their weddings and contribute some money for a house deposit

Xenia · 14/01/2019 19:24

Paying for the 5 children go graduate without student debt is similar to what my parents did. I got the minimum student gran (£50) and they made it up to the full grant £900 although they had no legal obligation to do so. The principle that they help educate you and then it is up to you probably ensures people don't then get lazy and fail to make a good career. for the same reason I have been happy to help a bit with children's property but would not make them a regular allowance for life as that might discourage them from forging high paid careers and/or getting out of bed in the morning.

puzzledlady · 14/01/2019 19:30

Not me personally - but I have a friend who bought land and then built houses on it for his children - the smallest house had over 10 bedrooms - in America. Yup he bought acres and acres - it’s got it’s own lake and private woods!! He is a lovely man too.

shartsi · 14/01/2019 19:59

My MIL is not well off but has got a very good pension. She does all our weekly food shopping. She does the same for BILs family. We didn't ask her to do this and can afford it. However she feels it's her way if contributing because her health doesn't allow her to help with childcare, babysitting for long periods etc.

BackInTime · 14/01/2019 20:00

For many people it makes good financial sense to help children out for inheritance tax purposes. What’s the point in having hundreds of thousands in the bank that will be heavily taxed on your death when your DC are struggling to get on the property ladder now.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.