To ask, if you or your DH have well off parents, do they support you financially?

[KissHerYouBrilliantFool]

I have recently come across several adults, in their thirties, who are supported financially by well off parents.

One acquaintance has told me that both her parents and her in-laws are millionaires and they both give her and her DH a generous monthly allowance. Her parents bought their house and cars for them. She is a SAHM and her husband runs a hobby-type business that doesn't generate very much money.

It has got me wondering whether lots of people are bankrolled by parents/in laws/other family members.

Back in the time I must admitted this does puzzle me. The amount you can gift your dc is 3 grand yearly? Something likes that.

Anything more and if you they die within a 7 years you pay tax.

So what else can you they give? Put max into child's isa... About 4 grand...

How is this off loading spare wealth to avoid iht? I don't get it.

Anyway dp didn't have much but did help me out with far smaller sums than mentioned on here but we also tried to help them too.

Dp dp are wealthy and have helped out but its come at a very very high price really. I look on it as compensation for fucking up his childhood and leaving him with no self esteem etc.

I hope to be able to help my dc out as much as we, I can.

Life is fleeting!! Fleeting! Unless the money is affecting someone's personality in a bad way... Give give give... Enjoy this earth!!

That's why it's best to start giving sooner so it's more likely you will live for 7 years so then no inheritance tax

I have well off parents, but they were only well off from my late teens I’d say (not millionaires unless you include their house which they hugely benefited from the massive rise in south east house prices in the 90s ). They gave me a small allowance at uni so I didn’t have to get a job, and have helped me out with the odd rental deposit etc, this I paid back. They gave us money for our wedding; partly guilt over their large families we were expected to invite. When we bought a house we had a parent/child mortgage where dad put part of our deposit in a ringfenced savings account for 3 years and got a good (for the time) interest rate on it, then got it back. He helped us out with a loan for a bigger car when we found out we were expecting twins after DD, half of this needs paying back but not at the moment as I’ve had to give up work until the twins are at preschool. Now he’s retired he’s set up a consultancy and my brother and I are shareholders and get a dividend each year. Not masses, a few thousand.

They seem to like helping my brother and I out and I think I’d feel the same in their shoes? They have a reasonably frugal life tbh and have more money than they need. I think they would love to see their grandchildren enjoy some of the things they were able to give us, back when life was a bit cheaper. EG music is very important to them, my brother and I each learned a couple of instruments from age 7 or so but with 3 kids this isn’t something we will be able to afford along with swimming lessons, school trips, etc. My parents have already said they will pay for music lessons if that’s something the DC want to do.

I don’t have any sleepless nights over it. We are very grateful and i do tell them. We are equally grateful to DH parents who are not so well off but still give us equivalently generous gifts in terms of what they have to give.

BurpsandHustles
As long as parents are in good health and expect to live 7 years then they should take advantage of the 7 year rule by gifting the money while they can. This then falls outside the estate for IHT. Also I believe that if they were to die within the 7 years the amount of IHT is tapered. So depending of the size of the estate doing nothing = full amount of IHT and gifting = possibility to reduce IHT

Burps. I have given my older children fairly substantial sums in my 50s. I hope to die in about 30 years' time so well beyond the 7 year inheritance tax limit unless the law changes so that is why it is helpful from an IHT point of view., Also they get the money for housing now when they need it not when they themselves are old and grey and don't really need it.

IHT is indeed tapered eg my father gave us some money when our mother died but he sadly died within 3 years so we had to pay IHT when our father died on that earlier gift, although a bit less than otherwise would have been the case.

No BUT the truth is - if things went wrong for me and I needed money - well it's there and then they would support me. That's a pretty comforting thing to know for which I am grateful

My parents divorced when I was 18. My Dad paid for all of my Uni fees, and helped me put a deposit on my first house after leaving Uni (I'd worked whilst I was studying to save towards a deposit). When I sold the house to move in with DH I wrote a cheque to my Dad for his share of the deposit money (the house had increased in value hugely - mostly because of the hours of time and energy my dad had put into it's renovation) and he laughed and said he'd never cash it. I left it on his fireplace anyhow, and to this day it still sits there.

He's given us cheques every now and then over the years for no real reason other than "you need a little pick-me-up" and we always spend the money on an adventure with the DC.

My Mum is equally generous and often takes the DC away on jollies and weekends around Europe; she loves to travel, loves languages and loves spoiling them.

MIL is far, far more wealthy than either of my parents but doesn't offer a bean. She recently asked DH for an allowance because her pension isn't enough for her to live on (her home would be worth at least 800k and she has enormous savings but won't use them). I've genuinely never known anyone quite as tight as she is; she comes to us for a week each Christmas and doesn't lift a finger or bring a thing, but sends over lists of requirements before she arrives - wines from certain stockists, Fortnum's jam and chutneys (because Fortnum's jams are different to elsewhere?) and her expectations are very high for someone who contributes nothing. It's a difficult battle to have.

My parents aren’t wealthy, but they are comfortable and they actively want my sis and I to have our potential inheritance when we need it and they can gift it. They gave us a large lump sum several years ago: DH and I invested most of it and had a few treats. It allowed me to be a SAHM for a few years - knowing that we had that lump sum sitting there.

My parents don't have any money or property.

My DPs parents are better off - not wealthy, but comfortable. They helped us buy our home, which was amazing. Feel hugely grateful to them as we are on fairly low wages. (It's not an expensive house though as I live in a part of the UK where three bed houses are £130k.)

However, I do know a couple of people who receive an 'allowance' from wealthy parents. They're lovely people, but I'm jealous because it 'buys' them the opportunity to be creative and take risks. as far as I can see.

My friend's parents are millionaires - but then again so is she. And she has even more money thann they do, so she doesn't really need them to support her financially, does she?

Depends what you mean by "well off".

My parents are definitely not millionaires, but I'm fairly sure my dad earns upwards of 100k. They live in another country, but also owned their old home in the UK for many years. When I moved back to the UK, they let me live in it for several years at much less than market rent.

DH's parents are also well off, especially for the country they live in. They retired on generous European pensions to a country with a much lower cost of living. They have hosted us for free for a month-long holiday in their country, including paying for most of our food (despite our insistence that we wanted to pay!)

Neither have given us money directly since uni.

My mother, managing comfortably, thought it ought to be boot on the other foot and that it was my place to 'help' her. She never gave me money, never. Indeed, she sold me her house at market value, saying I was young enough to earn money and she wasn't.

DH parents well off, don’t support us but I’m sure would fling us a few quid if we needed it as a one off.

My parents worked in the pub trade and made wise investments I'm 38 now but yes they've been very generous. We are in our current house because they gave us £15k and probably paid £10k for our wedding 10 years prior to that. I'm grateful for all of it.

It's a drop in the ocean to what they've given my feckless thankless brother not to mention the priceless free childcare they've had for years because they love locally to them And we don't.

My inlaws have given us two house deposits (15k and 5k) and send us a bit of money every now and then.

My mum got almost 200k in unexpected inheritance a few years ago from a long lost family member. She was debt and mortgage free. She gave me 3k. A lot of people thought that it was miserly. Tbh I tried not to be ungrateful but I just know as a parent I would be more generous, especially as at the time dh was long term sick and we were really financially vulnerable.
She is pretty well off now with a six figure sum in the bank but never helps out. If I ask her to borrow 59 quid (once in 10 years) she gets alll sniffy and huffy.
I don’t understand it but she is also extremely unsupportive in every respect, so I think she checked out of parenting many years ago when I was past the little child age.

Oh and when I was homeless she didn’t offer to host me and ds or offer any financial reprieve. All I got was ‘ oh dear’ 😂

My parents are reasonably well off, they go on expensive holidays, buy a new car every 3 years etc, but my mum is disabled and so they live in an annexe to our house.
When I’ve needed help financially in the past, they’ve helped out, but when we still had a mortgage, I know what they had sitting in the bank would have paid the mortgage off twice over. If I had asked, they’d have given it to me but they’ve worked hard all their lives to save that money. If I was broke, they’d give it to me without me asking but I’m not, I earn a good salary and don’t have a mortgage on a 5 bedroom property. I don’t think that they need to feel any responsibility to me financially at this stage in my life!

My MIL is quite well off. She's never given us anything substantial but has been extremely generous in funding educational trusts that will pay for most of our two DC's university fees and expenses. To be fair to her, she's never needed to or been asked as DH is a high earner and a saver and investor.

It is a matter of pride and personal avarice for my parents that despite being very comfortable, thank you, they don't help their children one little bit.

no way are they like you mention op.but they will always do what they can if we need them.so they don't give to help us live daily but try to be there when they can if we need it or treat us when they can to meals etc.
grandparents the same but once owned a shop with their job so when that was sold gave it out between the kiddies.

My parents had little but were generous in ways that helped like small appliances.

Dh's parents had much and helped his unmarried brother who lived at home and did nothing. They refused to help any dgc with education.

They gave brother 75% and three siblings split 25%.

They are all gone now and i wish i could say nice things about inlaw's but they hurt us by being unfair. It's not really the money it's the fact that bil is a turd and boasts that he's "rich." While dh and his siblings struggle. His sisters are in 70s. We are younger by a decade.

It is the money too. Why give everything to a selfish man and not help gc go to university?

We are baby boomers, not rich by any means but comfortable.
Our 3 adult children are all working and doing ok, but every now and again we bung them a bit of money maybe £100 , sometimes £5000.
They are always delighted and never expect it. THAT’s the key !
The minute I felt they expected it or took it for granted I’d stop.

They gave brother 75% and three siblings split 25%. Is the brother vulnerable in any way?
If he isn't that is so unfai Rd and must really hurt.

So myself & my sister are in the very fortunate position to receive a monthly income from our parents. Neither of us have asked for a penny of this & have both worked hard to progress in pretty well paid jobs. Our parents worked unbelievably hard & were to an extent in the right place at the right time to amass their fortune but if they don’t share the wealth now the tax man will take a significant proportion when they die.
Neither them nor us live particularly extravagantly & there have been occasions, for example our wedding when they offered a donation towards the meal but when they saw it wasn’t going over the top wrote a cheque at the last minute. With two small children, who also unbeknownst to them also get an income, this money has useful but we don’t depend on it.