To be fucking raging?

[Januarybringstheblues]

I'm a single parent to dd (4). Her dad isn't on the scene so child-free time is very rare and nights out are even more rare. My dad and his wife got a sofa bed for their house for dd to sleepover when I need a babysitter. So far, this has happened once.

Today I sent my dad a message and asked him if he could have dd overnight while I have a night out for my birthday next month. His response - 'we go out every Saturday'.

They basically go to the local Wetherspoons and do the same mundane thing week in, week out. For ONE NIGHT I'm asking them to do me a favour and lool after their grandchild. One fucking night.

Aibu to be furious?

YABU and you honestly sound as bad as each other OP.

He's always been the most selfish twat I've ever known.

I think the selfish gene may be hereditary in your family OP.

YABU. You know they have a regular night-out on Sat yet you expect them to give it up quite unnecessarily. It might not be your idea of fun but they clearly enjoy it. Just go out on a different night i.e. like Friday that everyone is suggesting and let them babysit then. And pulling the mental health card so they should do whatever you want is out of order. Lots of people have mental health issues but that doesn't get them the right to stamp their feet to get what they want.

I don't think you are unreasonable at all. It's not a huge ask, especially if they do the same thing week in week out. My parents have always been good to me (I don't ask them often but they would put themselves out for me) and I will absolutely do the same for my kids when the time comes.

Some people just think differently though (basically just of themselves), when I was with exdp we had arranged for his parents to babysit for our first evening out since having dc2 and they rang on the evening to say they couldn't do it because some friends had invited them out!

A few minutes ago you wanted him to look after your child. Now you're painting him as a nasty piece of work.
Something not right here.

Some odd responses on this. It's OP's birthday, she's asking them to stay in for one night. I think they're being selfish.

You need to take a good long look in the mirror, your acting like a child denied a treat, and it is not pretty.
You have no right to be so cross.

You have a toxic relationship with your father. You have complete contempt for him. Stop creating situations that will cause more upset for yourself. Honestly, accept this relationship will never be what you want it to be and sort something else for childcare.

I can understand why you are put out, especially since you have been led to believe (buying a sofa bed) that they would be prepared to help out.

I think that TheBig has hit the nail on the head. It sounds like your dad has form for putting himself first.

As I said focus on what you really want. If that's a night out with your friends then bite your tongue and ask about another day.

Januarybringstheblues I think you just need to be happy if and when they help, rather than disappointed when they don't IYKWIM, just don't have any expectations then you can't be let down.

for you

YANBU, you don't sound demanding or entitled OP.

I'm no NC (for many reasons) but my when my DC were younger, I asked my DM to have them for two nights as I needed to do a short trip. I live abroad so my annual summer trip to my home country is the only time she can spend time with them.

She agreed and I did my trip. But when she found out that I had gone to couple of ciders on the second night, she got very nasty and I was called all sorts. This is from the woman who had WEEKS on her own as I was shipped out to my grandmother's farm during every summer holiday. The injustice still pisses me off, several years later.

Some odd responses on this. It's OP's birthday, she's asking them to stay in for one night. I think they're being selfish.

Sure, except they have the right to say no without a petulant explosion happening. You can be put out and disappointed, but getting into a towering rage because you don't get your way is unhealthy. I've met people like this before, entitled, angry, abusive.

As above, I can see why you're upset. They've told you they'd help, even bought a sofa bed, and then had her once. When you don't have family support it can be really fucking grating, even just wanting to go out for a drink with a friend ends up costing you extra for a babysitter and you just can't be bothered at all. It can really get to you. Despite that, unfortunately most people will say yabu because you can't dictate their time - but if they want to see your daughter, they will try, so I'd just leave them to it if you're feeling that way inclined. If they were otherwise really involved and saw her all the time and contacted you to check on her etc it would be different but maybe if you're that upset you should take a step back from them.

Yes it is very unhelpful of them especially when it's for a special occasion -and they know you're a single parent. Unfortunately even family can be selfish sometimes. I think to everyone saying get a babysitter the point is about trust. Most of us would trust our family more than a stranger to look after our child.

im confused op you really do sound raging.but ok the initial "oh bugger" of them not being able to do it should eb a passing thing.a niggle.you sound so mad

OP I understand why you are angry, my parents are the same, to make things worse they are happy to have my brothers children but have never had mine, I am a single parent (my brother isn’t). It annoys me. I don’t thing you are being unreasonable, it’s your birthday and deserve a night out. It’s not as though you are asking them to do it every weekend.

Why don't you ask your friends to come over to your place for your birthday ? Have an afternoon into evening party so your little girl can join in ?
If you ever assume anything ( baby sitting etc ) you are opening yourself up to be let down. Just assume it will only ever be to suit them and make use of the time as a bonus when it happens . Have a wonderful birthday ! Enjoy spending it with your very precious little one !

Ffs. YABU but clearly won't see it. He goes out every Saturday. You know that. Ask him for Friday or find a babysitter

I think you should have this moved to the relationship board. There is more behind this and I sounds like you need advice not a telling off

I don’t even bother asking my mum to babysit, not after her telling me how it’s ‘impossible’ to look after my son as he’s got health issues. Funny how she can have her other grandson one night a week though since he was 6 weeks old, he’s six months younger than my little one. Really upset me but now I just think she’s the one missing out on him growing up. @Lovemusic33 sounds like I’m in the same boat as you!!
I do feel for you

They do indeed have the right to say no just as OP has the right to not be available to help them when they are old and struggling. Family support works two ways and one night out for the OP’s birthday isn’t a big ask.

OP, I would never ask them again. Try to find yourself a babysitter near you and use them.

I’m a firm believer that grandparents shouldn’t put their lives on hold to look after grandchildren but FFS one night is nothing.

Not unreasonable at all. It's 1 night that they could give up for their daughter to go out and celebrate. Not expecting much from a grandparent.

i think "furious" is a BU. you chose to have her so anyone else saying no is just part of life (and this is from someone whose DM has always refused to have any of her granchildren for even an hour).

However I would be hurt and upset and maybe scale back what you do for them. Clearly they dont value it. Family goes both ways so maybe withdraw your favours now.

YANBU. He sounds really selfish. It's not as if he's said "any chance the Friday would work for you?" He hasn't even offered an alternative.

In my opinion families help each other out and want to look after their grandchildren, especially when you're only asking for your birthday.