Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fucking raging?

417 replies

Januarybringstheblues · 12/01/2019 19:48

I'm a single parent to dd (4). Her dad isn't on the scene so child-free time is very rare and nights out are even more rare. My dad and his wife got a sofa bed for their house for dd to sleepover when I need a babysitter. So far, this has happened once.

Today I sent my dad a message and asked him if he could have dd overnight while I have a night out for my birthday next month. His response - 'we go out every Saturday'.

They basically go to the local Wetherspoons and do the same mundane thing week in, week out. For ONE NIGHT I'm asking them to do me a favour and lool after their grandchild. One fucking night.

Aibu to be furious?

OP posts:
Pissedoffdotcom · 12/01/2019 19:58

Why should it be down to grandparents to pick up the slack?! What a ridiculous notion

TeachesOfPeaches · 12/01/2019 20:00

YAbu to be furious. You can be a bit annoyed and pay a babysitter.

starzig · 12/01/2019 20:02

YABU. this is your child and your responsibility. You have no right to expect anyone to babysit for you just so you can go out.

Bamchic · 12/01/2019 20:02

Yabu but I can see why you’re upset
Arrange another night or find another sitter.

IfOnlyIKnewThen · 12/01/2019 20:03

Wow. As a parent, I can't imagine not supporting one of my children if they wanted to go on a night out for their birthday /any other reason or having so little interest in my relationship with my dgc that I wouldn't help out.

This longstanding arrangement of theirs happens every week. You've given them a month's notice. Anyone saying your being entitled should ask themselves whether they too would say no to their child under similar circumstances.

You are not being entitled. My children are certainly being raised to know that they can rely on me to support them whatever age they are as long as they don't take the piss and its within my gift to help them out. Your request is not taking the piss so in my opinion YANBU to be furious.

fluffiphlox · 12/01/2019 20:03

I don’t have children and would be old enough to have grandchildren. Surely if you decide to have children then your life changes. There’s an analogy here: ‘if can’t do the time, don’t do the crime’. Your parents have brought up their children, now they’re having a good time.

SleepingStandingUp · 12/01/2019 20:03

It's clear this isn't just about one night fromm your updates.

Move it to the Friday, likedomroen else said literally "OK understand, Friday fine then? I'll pick her up by 2?"

Original poster
Januarybringstheblues · 12/01/2019 20:05

I'm not 'expecting' anything though - I was hoping that my own dad would be kind enough to help me out. Of course my child is my responsibility but considering me and my brother were shipped off every single weekend to my grandparents while my parents went and got pissed every weekend, I just hoped that he would understand and remember this.

OP posts:
BejamNostalgia · 12/01/2019 20:06

Yes, fair enough I'm asking them to change their plans but it's for one night of the year. If he can't do that for his daughter/granddaughter then what is the meaning of family? He knows that I've been ill (mentally) for a while and that I'm desperate for some time to myself

That’s really quite manipulative. If you pull that shit on them you’re on a hiding to being told to get fucked, they’re prepared to do you a favour and just get aggravation about it, they won’t bother at all.

Family childcare is not a situation where you can demand or dictate. You need to be flexible and arrange it for a mutually convenient time.

They’re not saying that they won’t give you time out or childcare. Just not on that particular night.

Go out on Friday.

Honestly, if you throw a tantrum because they don’t drop everything at your command, they’ll say, that’s it. Offer off table. Pay a sitter.

OKhitmewithit · 12/01/2019 20:07

I agree with you I think it's a bit miserable of them. However, if he's very set in his ways, go for the Friday b

PattiStanger · 12/01/2019 20:09

Are you using the "mildly annoyed" definition of "fucking raging"?

Tell use why you can't go an a Friday

Pk37 · 12/01/2019 20:09

You were “expecting” them to look after your child though and I don’t think you have a right to expect them to watch your kid when you want them to either and then kick off when you know they already have plans and say no .

Original poster
Januarybringstheblues · 12/01/2019 20:10

I haven't even replied to him because I know if I do then it will cause a huge argument and he'll be out of out lives forever - maybe that's not a bad thing. I'm not asking him for Friday, he can fuck off. Yes I'm irrationally angry. I can't calm down just yet.

OP posts:
Bombardier25966 · 12/01/2019 20:12

Is the anger related to something else? Your reaction is very extreme.

IfOnlyIKnewThen · 12/01/2019 20:12

You're right not to reply yet whilst you are still angry. It's definitely shitty of them but if you could possibly do another day then go for it. When you are out with your friends having a good time you won't regret it.

Hope it works out for you OP.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 12/01/2019 20:13

Wow! You have serious issues OP if you would actually cut your father out of your life over this. The relationship can’t be good at all if that’s the case so really you were just hoping to use him for childcare.

AlphaFemale86 · 12/01/2019 20:13

^To be fair, I can see your point in wanting to go out. Especially if you don't get out very often. It's always nice to get one night out to feel like your still human!
BUT I don't think you can expect them to change their long standing arrangement to suit you. If you know this is a long standing arrangement of theirs maybe ask for the Friday instead? Seems like the sensible thing to do.
Of course we don't know the ins and outs of the situation but if they genuinely want time with their grandchild then I'm sure they'd be more than happy to do it on another night that doesn't interfere with their own plans. ^

zzzzz · 12/01/2019 20:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShinyMe · 12/01/2019 20:14

I can understand being frustrated, but to be "fucking raging" is a little OTT.

Original poster
Januarybringstheblues · 12/01/2019 20:15

I wouldn't cut him out of my life - he would cut me out of his life. That's what he's like.

OP posts:
showmeshoyu · 12/01/2019 20:15

When you say "it would cause a huge argument", do you mean "I would cause a huge argument". You could respond with "ok then". Maybe he would be out of your lives forever? And "irrationally angry"...

You sound like you need anger management classes. You're thinking about a situation where you might be glad you have such a bad fallout that you go NC with your own father?

showmeshoyu · 12/01/2019 20:16

Damn, posted before the latest clarification, sorry!

Coronapop · 12/01/2019 20:17

It makes more sense to be angry with the DC's father. Your situation is nothing to do with your parents and everything to do with you and your former partner.

TheBigFatMermaid · 12/01/2019 20:18

considering me and my brother were shipped off every single weekend to my grandparents while my parents went and got pissed every weekend, I just hoped that he would understand and remember this.

Selfish parents tend to turn into selfish Grandparents. They couldn't be bothered when they really should have, they really aren't going to now!

jesusishot · 12/01/2019 20:18

He chose to go out drinking on Saturdays rather than look after his own kids, so YABU to think he might prioritise his grandchild higher than he did you. At least now you know they were only offering out of politeness and you'll have to make other arrangements in case of emergency.