To be fucking raging?

[Januarybringstheblues]

I'm a single parent to dd (4). Her dad isn't on the scene so child-free time is very rare and nights out are even more rare. My dad and his wife got a sofa bed for their house for dd to sleepover when I need a babysitter. So far, this has happened once.

Today I sent my dad a message and asked him if he could have dd overnight while I have a night out for my birthday next month. His response - 'we go out every Saturday'.

They basically go to the local Wetherspoons and do the same mundane thing week in, week out. For ONE NIGHT I'm asking them to do me a favour and lool after their grandchild. One fucking night.

Aibu to be furious?

My grandchildren make my heart sing and I’ll have them any day of the week for any length of time. And after their parents my fellow grandparents and myself then the children’s aunts and uncles are the next best people to look after them.

We wouldn’t have it any other way and even though it takes all sorts to make a world I’m glad we do it the way we do because I couldn’t imagine being like zzzzz for eg.

Op, if I lived near you I’d babysit for you.

this is not about the fact that baby sitting equals love or not , this is about a daughter asking her dad once to help her out so she can have a break. Any one would think she was asking him to come off a 12 hour shift and care for her kids while she goes on a bender for the weekend. It's one night break / respite in one year for her mental health.

Yep when I am eventually a grandma (5 DC so chances are high) I will be having the grandkids and helping where I can. My own granny was a remarkable woman and the best grandmother a person could have. I hope one day my hypothetical grandkids will feel the same about me!

That's something I do feel grateful to my dad and stepmum for OP, they taught me how not to be a crap parent, I just do the opposite of pretty much everything they did with me!

OPs situation is about more than babysitting. Had she posted her backstory along with the babysitting thing i suspect it would have received completely different comments.
But there are people on here suggesting that as a rule, GPs babysit their GC whenever they are asked because it is their responsibility. It really isn't!

Surprised at the responses here! I would usually ask my adult children what they were doing on their birthday, offer to take them out if they had nothing planned, or offer to babysit if they needed a babysitter.

I personally can’t imagine being in a family where people dramatically go no-contact because they’re dad won’t cancel his plans and babysit for them.’

Good thing that’s not remotely what’s happening here then isn’t it?

Reminds me of the scene in friends when Ross needs help moving furniture and Phoebe says "I Wish I Could Help, But I Don't Want To"

@Pissedoffdotcom where did I say it equaled love?...
it the reaction and connection built in thought times, it's the support given when someone needs it.
And there's a huge difference between grandparents that regularly look after their gc and just visit.
Also babysitting your gc is still helping out your own child.

I’m amazed people think this is the norm.

I'm amazed when it's not. In my group of friends, those who can't rely on their parents for help have a very different relationship with them. Generally the parents are very self-cantered and always have been.

Self-centred. Obviously.

That's basically what your post said. You get what you put in...not babysitting doesn't mean GPs don't 'put in' to their GC lives elsewhere 🙄

Your right of course. And after what you said it's so clear now! Put no time in receive lots of love and a phone call once a week.

Ah the assumptions start. Let me guess, you have the spare time (and cash) to fly abroad at the drop of a hat to babysit your GC because your daughter is throwing a strop about her birthday? Lucky you, sadly my GP didn't.
Thankfully my family love each other without having to bend to every tantrum thrown because somebody doesn't get their own way. We don't do spoilt dramatics

OMG this post has gone wild as well as the assumptions and accusations.
All this girl wanted was a rare night out with her friends for her birthday and asked her dad to look after his granddaughter for the evening as he said he would help her out previously in the past even buying a sofa bed for her. And her dad says no as his very regular weekly night out to the local Wetherspoons is more important to him and she got upset.
Rightly so in my view it's her birthday it's one night. Family should help each other out as he said he would so she came on here to vent her anger now it's 300 odd comments in and no one can agree to the fact she was right

YANBU, I completely understand why you are upset. I’d like to think if I am ever a grandparent that I would actually be proactively texting saying ‘Would you like me to babysit on Saturday so you can go out for your birthday?’ Relationships are give and take and family should help each other out where possible/within reason -some of the responses on here I find very disheartening.

I’m in a similar position to you,OP (although I do have a lovely DH) so I sympathise and hope you have a lovely birthday regardless.

CarolDanvers
As my eldest is ten and my youngest only two, I've let her off with babysitting!
lazymare
I didn't say I wouldn't babysit, I said I'd prioritise my husband, my life partner after years of him coming 5th in line

YANBU. If they go out every Saturday night and you hardly ever get out, surely they could miss one night. Hardly a big ask from his daughter is it?

I really don’t think GP should have to do regular child care but you’d think you’d like to help your child occasionally, especially if they are struggling. I have my boundaries very high up, don’t get sucked into piss taking school run helping etc but I have helped my friends with child care and babysitting when there’s been a need. Because I like them and I want to help them.

So it’s quite sad that some feel you can’t ask a one off babysitting help from your own parent. Especially so when those same parents had every weekend to themselves when OP was a child and was sent off to GP’s...

It's one evening. One evening. Her birthday. The father of her child, his grandchild, has fucked off and all she is asking for, from her father, who has bought a sofa bed for the express purpose of having his GD for sleepovers, is one Saturday night, her birthday, to go out.

I can conceive of no planet, except Planet MN, where this would be considered an unreasonable request from a child to her parent. A parent who she supported through his grief, whilst dealing with her own grief.

Sometimes MN is an appalling place.

This ^ a 1000 times.

I would happily ask my pil to baby sit, they often do.. I wouldn't ask my mother in law to babysit on a Thursday as she plays golf religiously
Yes. I think golf is crap and boring, that's irrelevant. I know she is busy that day. Yes even if it was. My birthday. I would go a different day, if that didn't suit others we would reschedule or so something different.

I think as it is a month away they should be pleased to have their grandchild especially as they know you are alone with daughter. I think they are selfish, I will always have my grandchild to help out and love having him.

I'm not surprised you're raging!
They sound incredibly selfish.
It's your birthday. I don't even see why you should have to ask if another night is suitable, so they can stick to their precious routine! 🙄

Is there someone else that can help you out?

You shouldn't be furious but it's understandable if you are pissed off. You're asking a MONTH in advance AND it's your BIRTHDAY! couldn't that be your gift? Sounds like they bought a piece of furniture and wanted a little virtue credit by saying it's for the (step) granddaughter to spend the night. Unless your dad is a stand-up for his family type that helps you out otherwise, you may have to forge other mean of getting those rare rejuvenating, soul restoring, personal moments. Don't let anger consume you just know your dad probably isn't going to really be there for both of you, especially with the "wife" competing for the power of your father's attention and what he will and will not do as far as your concerned. Good luck

YANBU to be disappointed but YABU to be "fucking raging".

1. as another person said, favours are discretionary.
2. their night out might be very valuable.
3. ask for the Friday.

I'm not unreasonable; it's not easy being a SM and it feels unfair when you're asking for 1 night and it's a special reason.

My advice, is there a local mum or teenager you know well who could babysit even for the evening?