To be fucking raging?

[Januarybringstheblues]

I'm a single parent to dd (4). Her dad isn't on the scene so child-free time is very rare and nights out are even more rare. My dad and his wife got a sofa bed for their house for dd to sleepover when I need a babysitter. So far, this has happened once.

Today I sent my dad a message and asked him if he could have dd overnight while I have a night out for my birthday next month. His response - 'we go out every Saturday'.

They basically go to the local Wetherspoons and do the same mundane thing week in, week out. For ONE NIGHT I'm asking them to do me a favour and lool after their grandchild. One fucking night.

Aibu to be furious?

Tessa. Did you ever accept childcare from your own children for the younger ones? If you did was it always at their convenience and given willingly?

Tessabelle1 Yep my parents and my dh's mother used to say the same thing - age changed that! Stick to your word, I'd give up babysitting for the freedom of not having to care for an elderly relative - and we did as we moved away.

It isn't about feeling burdened ! I would want to ! It's called being part of a family luckily all my family feels the same. It's not a burden , I work in care An see lots of people left by their families. My point is it's about families being their for each other perhaps that's what the issue is with society today. My mum had to go in for a operation tomorrow I have two jobs and a child I will look after her she's not a burden. The same when I had a operation and she looked after me and my daughter.

Tessabelle1

I think it is a grandparent's duty to help occasionally. IMO you have children for life. Don't have kids if the responsibility stops at 18, otherwise old age could be very scary and lonely.

Even if it's not to spend time with his granddaughter which heaven forbid he might get some thing out of , it's actually about being their for his daughter or like lazy said does that stop at 18 ? My best freinds mum cared for her eldest daughter who was dying with cancer while she was going through chemo herself and looking after her grandson. Perhaps flesh and blood means different things to different people

OP has already said all her Friends can for once do Saturday, not Friday night, the friends she rarely sees now.

She didn't say that at first, she said she could do Friday but why should she. Then after 7 pages of people pointing out that's a bit silly she "reveals" (drip drip drip) that the event is now a rare opportunity that only occurs on Saturday.

OP YABbeyondU. He isn't just going to change now he's a GP. I can understand you wanting him for once to help you out but selfish areseholes will always be just that. Don't go NC with him over babysitting as that in itself would BU. Go NC with him because he's not a very nice person / he's a rubbish Dad.

I meant him not helping out wouldn't BU if it was just that

Grandparents have a duty to look after their grandchildren?
really?
I can't see a good case for this, certainly it is not enshrined in law.

Yikes there are some folk on here expecting a lot. There's this magic word that folk on both sides have full access to, it's NO. 'Can you babysit?' NO.
'Can you take X to the airport?' NO.
Nobody is obligated to do anything they don't want to do. All this 'grandparents should want to x y z' is ridiculous. Some grandparents still work, have routines, lead their own lives. Expecting something (outside of an emergency) is pretty entitled imo. Not wanting to change plans for one day doesn't mean someone doesn't want to spend time with their grandchild ffs.

This clearly has nothing to do with the babysitting at all, but is much deeper rooted. Unfortunately OP your initial post came across as very entitled & you sounded like a petulant child.
Your dad has been a shit parent your whole life, why expect him to change the habit of a lifetime?

Don’t be ridiculous, OP. Your child is YOUR responsibility and other people are not there to do your bidding no matter what you might think of their choices to go out every week to the same place.

that the event is now a rare opportunity that only occurs on Saturday.

Well it’s her birthday so...

that sounds really shitty, OP, though unfortunately from what you say not unexpected. In real life (not on MN, of course, as you've found out) families consist of more than just parent(s) & child(ren) and help each other out, as you have done for your dad.

Is it worth appealing to your dad's wife? Might she be a more empathetic ear?

Grandparents have a duty to look after their grandchildren?
really? I can't see a good case for this, certainly it is not enshrined in law.

Strange answer.

When he said they would help when you needed it, he meant 'only if he had nothing better to do'.

Sorry, don't build up your hopes. He probably won't help much, and if he does, you'll never hear the end of it. You would be better arranging some way to exchange babysitting duties with a friend, or pay for babysitting if you can.

I am a single mum too and I understand your frustration but as other have said what you see as 'mundane' is important for them. Ask for another day instead.

When i had my 1st child my father in law made it quite clear that they wouldn't be babysitting all the time, they'd brought up 3 children of there own now it was there turn to have there life back, i was never offended by what he said, i can count on one hand how often they babysat, but they were great grandparents and great in laws, my chidren seen them at least 3 times a week, i'm very grateful to have had them and my daughter's loved them very much.

My MIl was of the opinion she's done her bit and now I'm older I agree with her.

So we paid babysitters every time we wanted to go out.

When we've had the grandchildren to stay they've woken us up at the crack of dawn, we're too old for that business now.

We've said until they are old enough to stay in bed until a reasonable hour, we'll babysit at yours. But that's never good enough because they want a child free night.

I don't think they realise how tiring it is to have toddlers running around when you're getting older.

How about the people on here saying they won't babysit their gc wait till they actually have some.
And the martyr who do everything alone take a moment to understand that some people need support and help.
This country has a huge issue with depression and while some on here can cope with everything other can't.

Also to the future Grandparents of MN, you receive what you give and my gp are great grandparents and receive so much love from my dc, while my exh parents haven't put anything in and are sadly refer to by their names.
And the love for your gc described by my family and my dps parents is very similar to the same love you have for your own children.

YANBU in my opinion. They bought the bed for the purpose of having your DD for sleepovers and offered to help you in any way they could. You have asked them a month in advance to babysit for one night, to celebrate your birthday. They're not going to a special event, just their usual Saturday night to the local. I think, given all that, you're right to be pissed off. I know I would be.

I hope you get someone to mind your DD and have a fabulous night out.

It's one evening. One evening. Her birthday. The father of her child, his grandchild, has fucked off and all she is asking for, from her father, who has bought a sofa bed for the express purpose of having his GD for sleepovers, is one Saturday night, her birthday, to go out.

I can conceive of no planet, except Planet MN, where this would be considered an unreasonable request from a child to her parent. A parent who she supported through his grief, whilst dealing with her own grief.

Sometimes MN is an appalling place.

stuckbetweenlife babysitting doesn't equate to love, you are aware of that right? My grandparents never babysat us (be a bloody long trip for them) but I am in touch with my gran every week & see her whenever we make visits up North.
My own parents have an amazing relationship with my kids despite, shock horror, not babysitting whenever I demand because they both work!

Anybody who thinks a GP not babysitting means they don't love their GC needs to give their heads a wobble