I fired my housekeeper/nanny

[QueenofWhisperz]

I have a child with SEN who is 10 and another child who is 5. My husband and I work ridiculously long hours and I entertain work clients on Friday nights.

We have had this housekeeper for the last 8 years, (ever since it was apparent that I would need help).

I love her deeply, she is like family. However, she did things that really upset me.

1. Took time off without notice, causing me to lose work.
2. Never completed her tasks, ever.
3. Tried to ingratiate her religious beliefs into my children.
4. Made me feel like no one else would work for me, or care for my children better than she would.

Today, I came home from a rough day at work, and I was doing homework with the kids before I took some clients outand this upcoming deal is quite important because it will cover some additional therapy my older child needs-and she informed me that she wasn't working her normal hours this evening.

We had agreed a work schedule in her contract; she always avoids working on a Friday night if she can help it. Anyway, as I was getting upset, I stopped myself and told her that today was her last day. (She was on warning for doing this before).

My husband has come in to tell me that I am awful. That after 10 years, I should have let her come back another day and had a nice farewell.

Professionally, cancelling this evening is devastating to me; not to mention the therapy I was going to be able to access for my son...which I will not. My boss and co-workers are having a field day with my failure for this evening and I feel like I have potentially lost everything. I am quite nervous about Monday, going back to work--but worse yet, laundry and lunches.

I didn't raise my voice, I just said that I needed her to work the schedule she agreed to, and that I will find someone else for Monday. I didn't want a heated conversation, I don't do the 'raised' voice thing.

Am I awful? Have I been terrible? I don't know how to do laundry, but I can learn. I might get fired for cancelling my evening dinner meeting.

What @TallulahBetty said. Your husband came into the room but he's on his way back from overseas so can't have the children?
Eh? Which is it then?

but worst of all the laundry and lunches

Dear God, the HORROR

"The OP has been asked about 100 questions, many of which are quite intrusive or irrelevant. I don't blame her at all for not answering them. She wouldn't have expected to be so attacked."

I agree about intrusive and irrelevant questions but what about the reasonable questions that would help us to answer her original post?

For example what are the nanny's contracted hours, and what reason did she give for needing time off?

Because 'I'm not babysitting tonight because I've been invited to a party' is quite different to 'I can't work tonight because my mother is still in hospital and I hope that's ok because I have done about twelve additional hours without pay already this week.'

Lol at all the huffing and puffing and pure conjecture on this thread.

Op clearly isn't all that interested in what anyone else thinks ... she's hardly spent a moment on her own thread.

Probably too busy figuring out how to do laundry!

I can't get past the fact that you don't know how to do laundry

"Op clearly isn't all that interested in what anyone else thinks"

No she doesn't come across as someone who worries about what other people think. I wonder why she bothered to come on and ask 'am I terrible?' if she didn't care about the answer, or answering anything that might help someone formulate an answer, especially as her DH had already told her she was 'awful'.

I know someone who moved to Singapore and married his wife out there. They have a housekeeper/nanny who does everything. Cooking, laundry, cleaning. His wife doesn’t have a clue how to do those things because she was also brought up by a nanny. He has given up doing anything when he comes back to the UK. From being someone who cooked , did DIY and was self sufficient he now never lifts a finger.
Their child is being brought up not to have a clue how to do anything either
Very strange.

I feel for everyone here to be honest

She might be a great carer but not not necessarily a great employee

OP I would calm down and have a calmer chat but explain it cannot continue as it is

I also don’t think YOU can continue like this . Why are your colleagues so stabby ? Can you take a step back and look for kinder working environment ?

And yeah your husband needs to support this process too

OP is a long established poster

Leave her alone, she's busy interviewing new staff.

Such bitchyness here

If I became a single Mum I would be looking for ‘staff’ too

OP presents as a highly stressed Mum of a SN child who cracked

Can’t people
Read between the lines and perceive that there is a a messed up
Human being here ? Just like all of us

A nanny is a highly personal employee. If you lose trust, it makes sense to move on quickly. You can’t leave your children with someone you don’t feel is reliable.

Op probably knows how to run a washing machine, it’s finding the time to complete the task that is a challenge.

I swear I think there is a huge bias here against women who are in high flying careers. Those careers require help. For men it is generally a wife. For women it is a paid employee

You say you and your DH work ridiculously long hours, so what hours does she work? Maybe it’s too much for her.

My top concern would be such a massive change for a ten year old with SEN. A nanny/housekeeper who a SEN child trusts/loves etc is worth putting up with a few things.

People willfully misreading a statement that someone took a day off in a week as meaning that person normally works 7 days per week (that's not what 'a day off' means! why would you think that unless you'd already made up your mind to hate the OP?)

I asked the 7 day question. I would admit to misunderstanding the original post (which I still think is a bit ambiguous) but it wasn't wilful or malicious.

Sorry - not the original post, I mean the relevant post (about taking days off).

*Can’t people
Read between the lines and perceive that there is a a messed up
Human being here ? *

Yep, like the SN child whose carer has suddenly disappeared. Because her parents haven't handled the situation particularly well.