I fired my housekeeper/nanny

[QueenofWhisperz]

I have a child with SEN who is 10 and another child who is 5. My husband and I work ridiculously long hours and I entertain work clients on Friday nights.

We have had this housekeeper for the last 8 years, (ever since it was apparent that I would need help).

I love her deeply, she is like family. However, she did things that really upset me.

1. Took time off without notice, causing me to lose work.
2. Never completed her tasks, ever.
3. Tried to ingratiate her religious beliefs into my children.
4. Made me feel like no one else would work for me, or care for my children better than she would.

Today, I came home from a rough day at work, and I was doing homework with the kids before I took some clients outand this upcoming deal is quite important because it will cover some additional therapy my older child needs-and she informed me that she wasn't working her normal hours this evening.

We had agreed a work schedule in her contract; she always avoids working on a Friday night if she can help it. Anyway, as I was getting upset, I stopped myself and told her that today was her last day. (She was on warning for doing this before).

My husband has come in to tell me that I am awful. That after 10 years, I should have let her come back another day and had a nice farewell.

Professionally, cancelling this evening is devastating to me; not to mention the therapy I was going to be able to access for my son...which I will not. My boss and co-workers are having a field day with my failure for this evening and I feel like I have potentially lost everything. I am quite nervous about Monday, going back to work--but worse yet, laundry and lunches.

I didn't raise my voice, I just said that I needed her to work the schedule she agreed to, and that I will find someone else for Monday. I didn't want a heated conversation, I don't do the 'raised' voice thing.

Am I awful? Have I been terrible? I don't know how to do laundry, but I can learn. I might get fired for cancelling my evening dinner meeting.

Sounds like you and your husband need to sit downstairs and really think about your lives. You don’t sound like you are splitting the childcare/household tasks between you when the housekeeper is not there.
Your housekeeper is not doing her job properly and taking advice, but you can’t just fire her without notice or going through a procedure.
How does an adult woman(or man) not know how to work a washing machine????
I would also be very concerned about how your children will feel as others have said, presumably they have a strong bond with her and will be very upset. You seem completely oblivious to that.

Sit down not downstairs!!

Why can't your DH look after his children this evening?

Use www.sitters.co.uk for emergency childcare in future

Advantage not advice!

"Worse yet.. laundry and lunches"

Seriously? 🤔

Everbody else on here seems to have a job they can just decide to not turn up to for weeks on end and it be fine. How is that level of repeated unreliability ok from the housekeeper?

You legally can’t sack someone without a disciplinary procedure. She can quite rightly sue you for unfair dismissal.

Why have you had children when you are expecting everyone else to look after them. When do you and OH spend lovely time with them? I feel sad that you don't know how to do laundry, maybe it's time to spend to spend time with your family ... they grow up so quickly enjoy every day with them x

@Ellisandra British people are very good at pushing their religions at people. I've experienced it throughout my life. Have you ever had a Jehovah's Witness knock on your door, passed street preachers, had 'that' family member, work colleague or acquaintance?

You have a high powered job but you can't do laundry or organise reliable childcare? And your boss and colleagues are revelling in your misery? Time to change your life op.

@Patroclus where did you get the weeks on end information? OP just says took time off without notice..which in 8 years is to be expected at some level due to illness, accidents, other family members etc.

Before I form an opinion I'd really like to know how much the nanny/housekeeper was paid and what were her duties.
I have a feeling OP kept her on for 8 years due to a "bargain " rather than her being "family".

“You legally can’t sack someone without a disciplinary procedure. She can quite rightly sue you for unfair dismissal.”

Well the OP is worried she’s going to be sacked for missing a client meeting, so let’s just assume she knows more details than she’s sharing on a public forum. And of course you can be dismissed for gross misconduct, especially since this is after a disciplinary warning.

it is all a bit odd. Laundry and lunches are problems? , think you should keep her on and get some life lessons from a life coach who specialises in domestic ignorance.

I don’t think that you can just dismiss her.

What will you tell your children? I’m assuming that your eldest needs fairly specialist care from someone who understands his needs?

I know this is missing the point, but...you have 2 kids, the eldest is 10, so you've been a parent for 10 years, and you've no idea how to do laundry?

I just. Yeah. 😳

So what will you do come Monday morning?

From what you have posted I think you have been unfair:

1. surely you would give her a notice period as an employee?
2. your children have known her all their lives - they will be so upset not to see her again.
3. you said you love her like family. Very harsh imho to sack her just like that - warning or no warning.

If bosses and co workers are having a field day re your perceived failure, quit and drop them in it. If you can afford to hire a housekeeper I'm sure you can afford to take time out to look for a new job. Who wants to work for people that would be gleeful re you having problems at home?