I fired my housekeeper/nanny

[QueenofWhisperz]

I have a child with SEN who is 10 and another child who is 5. My husband and I work ridiculously long hours and I entertain work clients on Friday nights.

We have had this housekeeper for the last 8 years, (ever since it was apparent that I would need help).

I love her deeply, she is like family. However, she did things that really upset me.

1. Took time off without notice, causing me to lose work.
2. Never completed her tasks, ever.
3. Tried to ingratiate her religious beliefs into my children.
4. Made me feel like no one else would work for me, or care for my children better than she would.

Today, I came home from a rough day at work, and I was doing homework with the kids before I took some clients outand this upcoming deal is quite important because it will cover some additional therapy my older child needs-and she informed me that she wasn't working her normal hours this evening.

We had agreed a work schedule in her contract; she always avoids working on a Friday night if she can help it. Anyway, as I was getting upset, I stopped myself and told her that today was her last day. (She was on warning for doing this before).

My husband has come in to tell me that I am awful. That after 10 years, I should have let her come back another day and had a nice farewell.

Professionally, cancelling this evening is devastating to me; not to mention the therapy I was going to be able to access for my son...which I will not. My boss and co-workers are having a field day with my failure for this evening and I feel like I have potentially lost everything. I am quite nervous about Monday, going back to work--but worse yet, laundry and lunches.

I didn't raise my voice, I just said that I needed her to work the schedule she agreed to, and that I will find someone else for Monday. I didn't want a heated conversation, I don't do the 'raised' voice thing.

Am I awful? Have I been terrible? I don't know how to do laundry, but I can learn. I might get fired for cancelling my evening dinner meeting.

IME British people don’t really go around pushing their religious beliefs on other people.

Have you by any chance been employing an illegal immigrant on the cheap? If so, you may get away with her not taking you to a tribunal.

How did she react to her sacking? Did she accept it - surely she knew that would be a possibility since she was on warning for this - or was she shocked?

Either way, she has not fulfilled her job. As a working mother, I need my childcare to be as close to bulletproof as possible and will not hesitate to swap out a childcarer who was taking the piss. I understand why you did it and sympathise.

You must surely have a contingency plan?
What if she hadn’t just refused to work this evening but had become ill?
It’s highly unlikely both you and your husband had make-or-break Friday evening work commitments.

Sounds like the sacking was long overdue, I'd have got rid of her ages ago for all the reasons you listed. She has obviously been taking the piss big time. BUT, why couldn't your husband look after your DC so you could take your clients out. And why is it only down to you to pay for additional therapy for your DC - is he not the father of your DC?

For your DH to tell you that you are awful when you have had to miss your client meeting shows an astounding lack of support - does he not get how serious this is and that you may lose your job over this - is he usually this selfish and dense?

I think in your shoes I would worry about how my children might react to her sudden disappearance, if nothing else.

How odd.

It’s unbelievable that she’d do this after 8 years.

Where do you live?

You love her like family; but you give her absolutely no quarter when it comes to working for you.

What was "love" in your family of birth? Are you perhaps demonstrating that same level of love now?

Yes why can’t DH contribute to this therapy for your daughter?

I think she's been unprofessional but you've shot your self in the foot getting rid of her with no one else lined up. Your kids will miss her. I think your life sounds awful and your priorities are all wrong. As a grown up you should at least be able to do your own laundry how ridiculous.

I'm not really getting this Housekeeper/Nanny thing. Being a proper Housekeeper is a very taxing job, which often involves a great deal of varied skills. Being a Nanny is highly professionalised, particularly when it includes sole charge of a child with SEN.

Yet she did both? Within one set of full-time hours? She must have been costing you an absolute fortune! Probably double what you would normally have to pay for one of those professions. No?
Could you not have employed two people, for the same money? Maybe, a full time professional nanny, qualified to care for a child with SEN, and perhaps a part-time Housekeeper to run your home like clockwork?

That way you might have had some back-up if the unexpected disrupted the usual routine.

Incidentally, why was she unable to work her normal hours that day?

And what had you previously done in terms of support and training to ensure that your other points of dissatisfaction were rectified?

Well, the OP seems to have disappeared. Maybe she's gone off to chase after he housekeeper and apologise to her.

MissLanes - the OP already said twice that the employee was already on a warning for doing this same thing before

She must have been costing you an absolute fortune!

I suspect the reason OP kept this apparently useless, flakey, incompetent, religious zealot in charge of her children was precisely because she didnt cost her a fortune. For obvious reasons.

my mother was a nanny and she was also deeply catholic.Did she ever impose her beliefs no never .The nanny you had sounded quite rude and took advantage of you.

I would be more concerned on how your children must feel they would not understand to them she would be like family.Your not awful you did what you had to do shes the one in the wrong.

As for laundry as my mother died quite young so it was a fun task suddenly working out what had to be done but its not hard.Its simply a matter of separating clothes by colour and washing each colour in turn with the right amount of detergent .Dont use the dryer for delicate's

If you and your husband are so high powered as you are indicating then hire a separate housekeeper and nanny next time and also get some baby sitters on your books. This sounds far too much for one persons job anyway especially with the SEN needs on top. She probably felt overwhelmed by your demands. Maybe she wanted you to let her go or maybe she had her own personal issues which meant she needed some time off.

I’m not unsympathetic. But this isn’t America. You can’t just shout “you’re fired!” at someone a la Mr Burns and not expect a solicitors letter for it.

If points 2&3 i your original post are accurate then you have obviously not managed things well over the several years she has been with you.

If they were an issue they should have been dealt with, you can't complain about them only after you've sacked her.

This doesn't make sense. She's a housekeeper and a nanny to DCs including one with SEN. She works for your full-time and until late in the evening.
On a busy Friday night with an important work event, you spent wasted time doing homework with your DCs. Even though they don't have school tomorrow.
And both you and the company you work for, have no risk assessment/alternative cover to cope if someone is suddenly unavailable.

How do your children feel? Your decision and their life. Have you asked them yet or even know how they feel about this "loved like family person" suddenly gone from their life?

Please have a heart to heart discussion with your Nanny and see if you can sort it out - discuss it as equals irrespective of who pays and who is paid. If your dc don't like the Nanny then no question give notice and pay in lieu and diy looking after your dc until you find someone better.