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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I boring or is he a sex pest?

185 replies

Morningcoffeeee · 11/01/2019 21:52

He's very highly sexed whereas I'm not, but we're intimate fairly regularly and I do make the effort so he can't say he's deprived (we have a 12 month old and I'm 6 months pregnant so that should tell you enough)

I don't need to rant on about how exhausting it is being pregnant whilst caring for a toddler.

Occasionally we'll go about a week without having it but that's largely to do with the fact he works nights so we have opposite routines, which I can't help.

I'm under a bit of stress at the moment and the last time we had it was 5 days ago, I'd happily go another few days as I'm just not in the mood but he's definitely expecting it now which I can tell as he's resorting to his sleazy behaviour again.

What I don't like is when I'm busy doing somethings around the house and he comes over to grab my bum or puts his hand between my legs and makes noises like "ooooft" or comments about me looking sexy (the latter I don't mind so much)

They have become the 'signal' that he's in the mood for sex so it rarely happens organically, it's supposed to get me going but does the absolute opposite. It puts me off him and makes me question his social skills.

He also sends dick pics and masturbation videos, I don't know why because I haven't forgotten what it looks like. I don't need a constant stream of the same penis (or any penis for that matter) on my phone.

Apparently his last ex was also highly sexed. I feel like telling him to sod off back to her sometimes.

So am I depriving him or is he a sex pest?

OP posts:
Atalune · 12/01/2019 23:42

Wanking at work is so far from ordinary.

He needs help!

OhDearGodLookAtThisMess · 13/01/2019 08:24

Wait, WHAAAAAT???? ShockShockShock
He MASTURBATES at work???!!!
That is BEYOND .... actually, words fail me.

Schmoobarb · 13/01/2019 10:44

Dump him and then post the photo of him with the tub of drink on his company’s Facebook page. He’s disgusting.

Kittykat93 · 13/01/2019 11:58

He's absoloutely disgusting.

And sorry op but you sound like a complete doormat. He's STILL continuing to send you multiple dick pics a day - why don't you tell him to fucking stop it or you'll plaster them all over Facebook??

And as for the groping - slap his hand away every single time and never ever have sex when you don't want to.

If he asks why you keep rejecting him - tell him you don't find Pervy wankers attractive.

Unless you are scared of him I really can't understand why you are putting up with this shit. It's sad.

Soconfusedbylife · 13/01/2019 11:59

Ewww

Yellowbrickhouse · 13/01/2019 12:07

The fact that he told you his ex is also highly sexed should tell you enough. He clearly doesn't respect you/your boundaries/feelings. I'd class this is sexual abuse tbh. As for dick pics, what is he 17?

ReanimatedSGB · 13/01/2019 12:07

Erm, masturbating at work isn't vile, freakish or disgusting: quite a lot of people do it occasionally. As long as you're discreet about it, it's no one else's business.
(Sending unwanted pics of yourself doing it, being very obvious about what you're doing, disturbing colleagues with howls and groans, etc., is unacceptable of course, but a quick rub in an otherwise deserted loo is... no big deal.)

AnotherOriginalUsername · 13/01/2019 12:09

Erm, masturbating at work isn't vile, freakish or disgusting: quite a lot of people do it occasionally. As long as you're discreet about it, it's no one else's business

Hmm

Shall we play a game?

"Never have I ever considered masturbating at work"

Kittykat93 · 13/01/2019 12:15

A lot of people masturbate at work? Ok then ConfusedGrin

Shoxfordian · 13/01/2019 12:18

Where do you work reanimated? Hmm

burritofan · 13/01/2019 12:21

Erm, masturbating at work isn't vile, freakish or disgusting: quite a lot of people do it occasionally. As long as you're discreet about it, it's no one else's business.

What. Unless you work at Wankers LLC and there's a flicking the bean clause in your contract, no.

misskiki69 · 13/01/2019 12:30

Wanking at work??? I'm far from straight laced but what the actual fuck?
🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮

ReanimatedSGB · 13/01/2019 14:15

What on earth is so horrifying about the idea of a discreet wank during a boring work day? Some people think it's good for you .

OP's H is a nasty, self-obsessed, creepy bully, but in general, someone who is eg in the first thrilling lusty stage of dating might get the urge to sneak off into the loo for a bit of self pleasure either anticipating the date tonight or thinking about last night's. It's no more problem than having a cigarette break or sitting in the toilets playing games on your phone rather than doing your work.

burritofan · 13/01/2019 14:26

It's no more problem than ... sitting in the toilets playing games on your phone rather than doing your work.

That is also a huge problem! Do you understand the concept of work?

And just because a media rent-a-quote says it's ok to toss one off at work doesn't mean it is.

misskiki69 · 13/01/2019 14:33

What's even more worrying them him wanking himself senseless, at work, is OP seems to minimise this as quite normal behaviour. 😳

BeTheHokeyMan · 13/01/2019 14:49

The more you post the more disgusting he sounds .Oh op how can you bear to live with a creep like this my skin is crawling just reading your posts .Please realize that this is not right or normal and leave this vile man.

Original poster
Morningcoffeeee · 13/01/2019 15:15

I don't think I've minimised it as normal behaviour, hence posting here and accusing him of being a sex pest.

OP posts:
Original poster
Morningcoffeeee · 13/01/2019 15:21

There is alot about him that is very normal. Loving father, provider, hard working, but there's nothing normal about his obsession with sex.

OP posts:
Schmoobarb · 13/01/2019 18:42

Maybe I’m just jealous of all the people who are so “bored” at work they have time to crack one out. I barely have time to pee in the toilets let alone anything else!

TerriTummyTowels · 13/01/2019 18:49

He clearly thinks the sight of his dick will turn you on - as that is what happens in porn

It's simpler than that. It's because it works on men. Most men would love boobs and fanjo pics but the immature men seem to assume women are like them for some reason.

FWIW I watch porn as a woman and there are never scenes where men send dick pics. It's not a behaviour learnt from porn.

Luckingfovely · 13/01/2019 18:51

He sounds so vile and has completely brainwashed you. You sound passive in the extreme. Nothing about his behaviour is normal or acceptable for any woman to live with. I can't believe you're now defending him.

ClaireElizabethBeauchampFraser · 14/01/2019 01:19

Thinking of you OP.

I would try to imagine that your dd is older, in a relationship, has a baby and is also six months pregnant (meaning she is utterly exhausted). Now imagine what advice you would give her if she confided in you that her dp/ dh was sexually harassing her, pushing for sex constantly, having had cheated on her previously because he believed she was neglecting him attention wise and was constantly flashing her and sending dick pics and videos of himself masturbating multiple times a day! Imagine your dd is mortified, distressed and feels like her own dp/ dh is a sex pest/ pervert. What would you want for her? Would you advise her to stay? Would you want your grandchildren around a man who behaves like a sex offender?

Please treat yourself with the same love and concern you would show your dd! What you decide going forward will mould and shape the relationship ideals and boundaries that your dd will grow up with! You have the opportunity to teach your dd that she deserves love, respect and a partner who will respect her boundaries! Or you can stay with the status quo and watch in horror as your dd grows up and chooses a sex pest like your dp.

Your DM wouldn’t want this for you, any more than you would want this for your dd! Your dp is a court case waiting to happen! He is a sex offender who just hasn’t been caught yet. You and your dc deserve so much better!

I would confide in your DM, or you could contact the woman’s aid helpline for support.

Original poster
Morningcoffeeee · 14/01/2019 02:03

I may not have put my inner most feelings across very well on this thread. I'm far from prepared to put up with his behaviour long term and have been putting some serious consideration into leaving him before the baby is born.

My only reservation is about whether I will cope alone with a toddler and a baby and find the prospect quite scary, however I'm no longer invested in the relationship side of things and frankly can't be arsed with him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Morningcoffeeee · 14/01/2019 02:08

The relationship itself is perpetuating my struggle with anxiety. I'm tired of him constantly badgering me for sex, I'm tired of wondering whether he's up to no good or talking to his ex about our sex life, I'm tired of having zero faith in him as a life partner and if I could turn back time there's no way I'd have brought another baby into this but it's a bit late for that now and I have to move forward accordingly.

OP posts:
KeiTeNgeNge · 14/01/2019 02:22

Yes I think it’s a good time to make a move.