Am I boring or is he a sex pest?

[Morningcoffeeee]

He's very highly sexed whereas I'm not, but we're intimate fairly regularly and I do make the effort so he can't say he's deprived (we have a 12 month old and I'm 6 months pregnant so that should tell you enough)

I don't need to rant on about how exhausting it is being pregnant whilst caring for a toddler.

Occasionally we'll go about a week without having it but that's largely to do with the fact he works nights so we have opposite routines, which I can't help.

I'm under a bit of stress at the moment and the last time we had it was 5 days ago, I'd happily go another few days as I'm just not in the mood but he's definitely expecting it now which I can tell as he's resorting to his sleazy behaviour again.

What I don't like is when I'm busy doing somethings around the house and he comes over to grab my bum or puts his hand between my legs and makes noises like "ooooft" or comments about me looking sexy (the latter I don't mind so much)

They have become the 'signal' that he's in the mood for sex so it rarely happens organically, it's supposed to get me going but does the absolute opposite. It puts me off him and makes me question his social skills.

He also sends dick pics and masturbation videos, I don't know why because I haven't forgotten what it looks like. I don't need a constant stream of the same penis (or any penis for that matter) on my phone.

Apparently his last ex was also highly sexed. I feel like telling him to sod off back to her sometimes.

So am I depriving him or is he a sex pest?

I think I just might do that, tell him people saw the pictures and see how he reacts.

No he doesn't do the groping in front of the toddler.

As far as my self respect goes, my self esteem is shot to shit so the self respect has probably gone with it.

I feel quite sick that he sent you porn when he knew you were with your mum. He sounds like a nasty perv.

I would have gone mad at dh if he was sending me multiple dick pics whilst I was out with our baby and my DM! You must be afraid to open his messages when you are with your family or friends!

In my opinion, he is treating you like a sexual object! Is sex ever about love and connection, or is it all a thrill to get him off? In my opinion there are two different types of sex and sometimes the quick thrill side is fun but when you have been looking after your baby all day and are six months pregnant, it is not the time for his quick thrill. My dh was clever enough to realise this, so when heavily pregnant it was more gentle, loving and about connection. There were certainly no dick pics or wanking videos.

My dh also left it up to me to initiate, he would be affectionate and cuddly but put no pressure on me sexually. You sound totally exhausted and under pressure to meet your dh/p’s needs, when he doesn’t seem to care about how you are feeling.

Is he ever affectionate and loving just because he loves you? Can you cuddle up on the sofa without being mauled or expected to ‘put out’ later on?

I think you need to have a serious conversation with your partner/ husband. You are not just a receptacle to be used for his pleasure. You are a woman with feelings, thoughts and emotional needs. He is not only not meeting your emotional needs, he is not even considering them.

It sounds like he has previous for sulking or being offended if you dare to say you don’t like something he does. This is manipulative and not fair on you at all! You are entitled to your own feelings and opinions, he should be happy to change things if it means you will be happier!

Don't tell him people saw. He will assume you don't want to see the pictures because you're worried someone will see again.

I'm sorry but you just have to tell him! He does appear to have a bit of an edge of the arsehole about him but you won't know unless you just tell him. And you will also hate him if you keep just putting up with it.
Also, flip the situation round - if he was upset by something you were doing and didn't tell you and just began to hate you for it wouldn't that hurt you?

There is nothing wrong with having a lower sex drive than him. Stop beating yourself up about it.

Has your self esteem always been low or is this a new thing? You don't have to justify that you don't always was to have sex and you certainly don't need to do so. You'd hope that if he knew you went along with it when you don't want to would horrify him.
Ignoring the absolute betrayal of discussing your sex oife wjth his ex, Are you otherwise happy in the relationship?

He can be affectionate without groping me but most the initiation physical closeness is to initiate sex.

We had a cuddle this evening before he left for work and he didn't try anything, but then sent a bloody dick pick as soon as he left for work. I've had about 5 today. The ones earlier when I was out with my DM then that one after he left for work.

The problem is, because he's so touchy feely and a groper, I'm not always the most forthcoming with affection in terms of initiating hugs/cuddles it because I assume he'll misread the signs and go in for sex. It puts me on edge a bit.

I'm happy with him for the most part but I do doubt the longevity of the relationship because of the clearly mismatched sex drives.

I don't like the expectation of sex whenever he feels like it which is all of the time, that being said I do make an effort to have it fairly regularly for his benefit.

I hate that I feel 'defective' because I don't want sex all of the time, multiple times a day.

Many moons ago when I was a teenager I did, but not anymore. I'm knackered with a toddler and pregnancy

When I do sleep with him and he thinks I'm in the mood he'll wink and say "ooo I'm gonna get you again soon" meaning he wants more sex. It's never enough.

He sounds vile. Have you told him how disgusting he is? He shows no respect or consideration for you.

Lack of self control is something for which I have little sympathy. Can hardly believe he sends you dick pics? How old is he, 14?

Sleazeball. He knows you're in a vulnerable position right now. I honestly wish you were not pregnant, for the very best of reasons.

I’m not surprised! You should be able to cuddle your husband without him taking it the wrong way and thinking he is entitled to sex.

Five dick pics is obscene, he is like some dirty old man in a trench coat, flashing at unsuspecting women.

He is acting like a sex pest and it would be a deal breaker for me. You have mentioned he uses porn, has he always been like this? Or could he be addicted to pornography?

Do you know what op, I'd go in his phone and swap your number for his mums.

Morning coffee
Please be strong - enough women have told you that your relationship and what you put up with is wrong- do you agree with this ?

He discussed your sex life with his ex?? The line was well and truly crossed back then! 🤮🤮🤮🤮

I don't agree with his behaviour at all but half convinced myself that I was the problem, as in my sex drive.

Funnily enough he is a flasher, not in public or to strangers thank god but he regularly flashes me indoors. He thinks it's alluring and funny.

LOL'd at changing my number in his phone to his mum's

As far as his use of porn goes I know he's always used it but don't know how much

For me, and all the friends I speak to about this, if you have young children, once a week is a lot.
You are not the problem here op.

That is the worst part of reading it for me - how much he has blamed you

I wonder how much of this is him making you feel unusual whereas you sound perfectly normal - and how he treats you eroding any desire you have

This is grim at best. Op my husband would never dream of doing that in any circumstances. It's horrible that you're pregnant and tired and he's all me me me. I don't get why you don't tell him to bloody well stop it but that really isn't the point. Do you really want to be with someone who has do little respect for women? Do tell him to back to his ex. You should not be having sex 'for his benefit' either. This is 2019! Please wake up and tell him to do one. to you.

Are you sure he is alright in the head? His behaviour sounds very strange. I would be making an appointment to get him checked out. Not sure how you can live like this tbh. You need to talk to him first and foremost. Tell him what you don't like and then perhaps take him to the GP so they can assess him. He may be a sex addict. Or he may just be nuts.

He's never said anything to me about being unhappy with the amount we have sex, but as I know he was moaning about it to his ex before, I know it's an issue for him (or at least he was making out to her that it was)

That coupled with how frequently he wants it only cements in my mind the fact he doesn't feel we have it often enough.

It's about how I feel due to those factors rather than anything he's said, or at least said to me.

Knowing he was moaning about our sex life to others, the groping and tirade of dick pictures has only made me want it even less.

Reassured to hear that once a week isn't considered unusual or not enough though.

The problem clearly lays with him.

Lol that did make me smile, about whether he's alright in the head.

He's not mental just a perv

I do suspect he might have a sex addiction, I broached that with him at one point and he said whilst he personally didn't feel as though he has, he couldn't rule it out.

He's like a horny teenager, but then he's very immature for his age in general (thirties).

I'm laid in bed chuckling to myself as Ive just thought back to the time he sent one of his bloody nude pictures posing with a large tub of my favourite hot drink next to his privates. He's in a relatively senior role at a place that sells the drink.

I can see why people think he's not quite right. It sounds absolutely ridiculous reading this back to myself.

That is very creepy, not funny at all, if he wasn’t constantly flashing you, how would he get his thrills? That is predatory behaviour.

Have you checked his phone? I would be concerned that he might be ‘sharing’ his dick pics and videos elsewhere.

It really is not appropriate, you have a little one at home.

Your problem isn't your sex drive.

Your problem is that you haven't told him how you feel. At all.

He asked how you felt when he sends you dick pics.

You said you liked it.

Later on you spoke in general terms about how you don't understand why "men" do it.

This is not the same as saying "I don't like it when YOU send dick pics to ME" and of course he won't have picked up on it. You've already told him that you enjoy it when he does it, so he thinks that he's an exception to your general view of them.

You keep having sex with him when you don't want to. Presumably when he grabs your crotch.

Therefore, to him, grabbing your crotch has a >0% chance of resulting in sex. So he's going to keep doing it, because it's like a free lottery - there's no reason for him to stop doing it because there's no cost to him, and sometimes there's a benefit. Especially if you haven't told him you hate it.

So yes, his behaviour is weird and unpleasant, but you need to get your shit together, sit down with him and say honestly and directly: "I do not like it when you send me dick pics. It's a turn off and I hate it. I do not like it when you grab my crotch, it's a turn off and I want to punch you when you do it. I have sex with you a lot of the time because I don't want to feel like a bad partner, and not because I'm horny. If I am horny, I'll let you know. Otherwise please just jack off by yourself and leave me out of it."

You need a very serious conversation with your husband about how he has to grow up immediately and never send you or anyone else dick pics again, otherwise you are walking out. Likewise tell him he needs an appointment tomorrow to sort out his sex addiction, otherwise again you are walking out. You don't need to continue living with someone who views you as little more than a receptacle for his dick.

If you don't tell him, he'll just carry on, why shouldn't he? Why should he ever change, he gets what he wants every time.

He sends you dick pics, gropes you, flashes you and you give him sex when he wants it, even when you don't.

He won't change until you will.