Am I boring or is he a sex pest?

[Morningcoffeeee]

He's very highly sexed whereas I'm not, but we're intimate fairly regularly and I do make the effort so he can't say he's deprived (we have a 12 month old and I'm 6 months pregnant so that should tell you enough)

I don't need to rant on about how exhausting it is being pregnant whilst caring for a toddler.

Occasionally we'll go about a week without having it but that's largely to do with the fact he works nights so we have opposite routines, which I can't help.

I'm under a bit of stress at the moment and the last time we had it was 5 days ago, I'd happily go another few days as I'm just not in the mood but he's definitely expecting it now which I can tell as he's resorting to his sleazy behaviour again.

What I don't like is when I'm busy doing somethings around the house and he comes over to grab my bum or puts his hand between my legs and makes noises like "ooooft" or comments about me looking sexy (the latter I don't mind so much)

They have become the 'signal' that he's in the mood for sex so it rarely happens organically, it's supposed to get me going but does the absolute opposite. It puts me off him and makes me question his social skills.

He also sends dick pics and masturbation videos, I don't know why because I haven't forgotten what it looks like. I don't need a constant stream of the same penis (or any penis for that matter) on my phone.

Apparently his last ex was also highly sexed. I feel like telling him to sod off back to her sometimes.

So am I depriving him or is he a sex pest?

OMG, so he's actually masturbating at work, and filming it? How utterly bizarre. How can you even make yourself turned on, in the Company toilets? Or is he in an office, tat someone could walk in to (even more risky).

My initial thoughts were that you are not the only recipient of these photo's and videos....then I saw he has cheated in the past. Do you have access to his phone? I'd be going through it with a fine tooth comb, if I were you.

I have a high sex drive, and honestly I would not be turned on by the clumsy groping that you describe. I'd also be mortified if DH was masturbating at work. I have no desire to see photo's or films of the man that I sleep next to every night. What's the point? Even if you were horny, he isn't there to have sex at the point that you open the pics, so you'd just be frustrated by them. I just don't get it??

Could you start sending some photo's back to him? Every time you open a dick pic, send a photo of a horrible Vagina? Like a really hairy one, or a 90 year old one? Or maybe horrible penis pics. You know, one's with warts on and stuff. Send them when you know he's in a meeting at work. Google has everything these days.

OP just say something like ‘dh you know I used to like you sending me pics and videos, it may be pregnancy, but right now all it does is turn me off!’ And leave it at that.

send a photo of a horrible Vagina? Like a really hairy one, or a 90 year old one

At least no one's told you to be grateful he's still attracted to you .

I would not start off with the assumption he has addiction, nor would I mention it as he might take it as an out IYKWIM.

You can have the settings so that WhatsApp doesn't auto save to your phone. Google it.

As for this, if you do not speak to him about it soon, it's going to just get worse and come between you.

Also don't just sleep with him as it's his birthday, you will never get this sorted by just doing it to keep him happy.

When you’ve given birth you won’t be able to have sex for a few weeks. Is he likely to still be pressuring you then?

I'll probably end up sleeping with him later on because I'll feel bad with it being his birthday confused

I wrote a very long response but deleted it as it's probably pointless.

You obviously don't really want to do anything to change this neanderthal's rotten, cheating behaviour or you would have already done it so have a nice life but if you do ever leave him, try setting your relationship bar a lot higher.

I'm actually a bit concerned for you OP. This is clearly a very, very porn sick man.
This is not normal. You are normal.
I never fail to be amazed that people are happy to make babies with someone they can't talk to about things like this.

The porn has distorted his whole idea of sex. He clearly thinks the sight of his dick will turn you on - as that is what happens in porn. He thinks a quick grope is good foreplay - because that’s how they do it in porn films. And that all good women should have crazy sex drives - as that is how they are portrayed in porn.
He has either never experienced a normal sex life (if he has been addicted to porn from a young age then this could be true). Or he has forgotten what it’s like to have a normal sex life.

I’d lay money on the ex not being as on board with it all as she/he is making out. No woman with an ounce of self respect would enjoy sex under these circumstances. I bet she said that crap about having even more sex when she was pregnant as her way of psyching you out.

It’s really not you OP, it’s your really quite creepy, sleazy OH.

So being his birthday gives him the right to your body when you dont want to

OP he sounds worse the more you say

He needs to tie a knot in it.
Sorry OP but your husband sounds vile.
It's really concerning that you can't have the conversation with your own husband about how you wish to be treated. It's also worrying that you're bringing children into this environment.

You really, really, really don't have to sleep with him on his birthday – or ever! – if you don't want to, and nor do you have to feel bad about it. "Birthday sex" isn't a relationship right; sex itself isn't a human right.

OP, I haven't had sex since I got pregnant – not on my birthday, or his, or on holiday, or Christmas, or on our anniversary – and DP hasn't said a peep, or groped me, or sent me obscene videos. Actually, he has said stuff – but in conversation WITH me. No digs, just keeping communication open, without pressure and with understanding.

Your partner is not behaving normally; he's behaving like a sex offender and I don't think that can be weighed up against him being "lovely" in all other aspects, because it really doesn't sound like he is.

Totally agree with @burritofan, lost my drive for a good couple of years, dh never once pressured me, he would make the occasional move to see what would happen but never pushed me and totally understood-that's what you should expect of a decent human being.

As it happens things have gone from once maybe every 2/3/4 months to 2-3 time a week all of a sudden as I've got my drive back but no way would it have had I had to put up with what you're going through, that's a complete turn off.

Good luck

And who says romance is dead? Tell him to fuck off back to his highly sexed ex if he can't learn some new social skills and respect the fact that you are heavily pregnant.

I'd buy him a blow up doll for his birthday.... problem solved
Joking aside, he sounds like my friends husband. She had a miscarriage, and when she came home from the hospital he said ' I know you can't do anything, but can you give me a rub?' Disgusting

You've gotta stop thinking he's better then you op.

My initial thoughts were that you are not the only recipient of these photo's and videos....then I saw he has cheated in the past. Do you have access to his phone? I'd be going through it with a fine tooth comb, if I were you.
^^ this

I suspect you're not the only recipient of unwanted behaviour given he masturbates at work. A pretty sick man.

I've taken all that on board. I won't be putting out just because it's his birthday. I've got him some nice gifts and made a special tea so I've shown my love in other ways.

A little taken back that I've been called not normal. I'd like to think I'm pretty normal, but I know his sex obsession isn't.

I agree with the points about porn. He doesn't have a very realistic view of sex if he thinks spontaneous groping is something women like or want.

Yes he does masturbate at work in the loo cubicle. God knows how he manages to get aroused in that setting but then I suppose it'll be porn again.

I know his phones lock code so I could go through it if I wanted to but I'd rather not, I'd likely get the hump at what I see even if he's not cheating, ie porn.

Quartz2208
You dont have a lack of a sex drive though - that is the whole point. The way he treats you and sex has meant you dont want to do it with him. It all comes back to his excessive needs that somehow make you feel like its your fault.
I am almost certain that in a different relationship or with a different approach your sex drive would not be an issue at all

THIS! So much so, OP! Your sex Drive sounds normal to me, especially considering you’re pregnant and already parenting one child! His idea of sex has been altered by all of the porn he has been watching, as other posters have said, but you are going to have to talk to him about the fact that you haven’t told him you don’t^ actually like or want these pics or wanking videos and that they are having the opposite effect than he thinks they’re having. Tell him you want it to stop. That really shouldn’t be a problem should it? My husband has never sent me a picture or video like that of himself or anyone else and I can’t imagine that he ever would so the idea that he would be offended that you wouldn’t want so many of these pics and videos so often (daily?) is foreign to me.

FlippinNora1, well said!

The porn is possibly the problem -rather than relieving his feelings its just desensitising him to what's normal (yes I know normal is different for everyone -but what normal ISN'T is having a hand stuffed down your crotch out of the blue, imo)

Yes he does masturbate at work in the loo cubicle.

Oh my Good God!

He's revolting!

He def has a problem if he’s getting naked and taking pics, and masturbating at work

He sounds like a borderline rapist TBH