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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I boring or is he a sex pest?

185 replies

Morningcoffeeee · 11/01/2019 21:52

He's very highly sexed whereas I'm not, but we're intimate fairly regularly and I do make the effort so he can't say he's deprived (we have a 12 month old and I'm 6 months pregnant so that should tell you enough)

I don't need to rant on about how exhausting it is being pregnant whilst caring for a toddler.

Occasionally we'll go about a week without having it but that's largely to do with the fact he works nights so we have opposite routines, which I can't help.

I'm under a bit of stress at the moment and the last time we had it was 5 days ago, I'd happily go another few days as I'm just not in the mood but he's definitely expecting it now which I can tell as he's resorting to his sleazy behaviour again.

What I don't like is when I'm busy doing somethings around the house and he comes over to grab my bum or puts his hand between my legs and makes noises like "ooooft" or comments about me looking sexy (the latter I don't mind so much)

They have become the 'signal' that he's in the mood for sex so it rarely happens organically, it's supposed to get me going but does the absolute opposite. It puts me off him and makes me question his social skills.

He also sends dick pics and masturbation videos, I don't know why because I haven't forgotten what it looks like. I don't need a constant stream of the same penis (or any penis for that matter) on my phone.

Apparently his last ex was also highly sexed. I feel like telling him to sod off back to her sometimes.

So am I depriving him or is he a sex pest?

OP posts:
whatsnewchoochoo · 11/01/2019 22:34

I think it's really unfair to label him a sex pest. He asked OP if she liked it, she said yes.

It's like saying "I gave DH some cheese a few years ago. I asked if he liked it and he said yes. I've been giving him cheese for years ever since, he always eats it". How is she supposed to now suddenly assumed he actually always hated cheese?

Original poster
Morningcoffeeee · 11/01/2019 22:40

I told him how I truly felt about dick pics long after I pretended otherwise to spare him any embarrassment.

Initially I said oh yes lovely pictures thanks! That was during the early days.

Then fast forward a year or so the subject came up and I said actually can I be honest here I really don't see why men send them, it's a bit predatory.

He went in a bit of a huff and stopped sending them, now he's started again.

I do think he gets a thrill out of sending them, like a PP said. It's like a habit of his.

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 11/01/2019 22:42

So you a saying he gets a thrill out of sending them to you and being predatory towards you

Original poster
Morningcoffeeee · 11/01/2019 22:43

I haven't addressed the groping though and that's the main thing that annoys me. I can ignore his dirty pictures but I can't ignore a hand rubbing between my legs mid episode of eastenders Blush

He doesn't seem to grasp that I don't get turned on at the drop of a hat. He thinks if he touches me down below regardless of what I'm doing at the time it'll make me want sex.

It borderline makes me angry sometimes.

OP posts:
OftenHangry · 11/01/2019 22:44

Tell him. Fgs tepl him. It might have worked with his ex and sonce you haven't told him it does the opposite of getting you into mood, how can he kniw?
If he continues after you tell him, he is bit of a prick, but you really can't know till you tell hom. Especially since you pretended to like them.

Schmoobarb · 11/01/2019 22:45

He sounds fucking repulsive.

OftenHangry · 11/01/2019 22:45

God. Sorry for the spelling Shock

burritofan · 11/01/2019 22:46

Don't ignore the dick pics; tell him to stop, again. Remind him that you've had that conversation before.

What do you say/do when he starts rubbing you? Ignore it, get up and move away, cross your legs? You definitely need to spell it out to him that you don't like it and want him to stop. Whether he will or not...

Original poster
Morningcoffeeee · 11/01/2019 22:47

@Quartz2208 not exactly. I think he gets a thrill out of sending the photos and having me see them definitely.

I told him a while back that dick pics can be seen as quite predatory, I think he took that as me meaning between people who'd just met. It went over his head. He thinks it's fine because we're in a serious relationship.

I don't think he's a sexual predator by any means, just sleazy.

He'll be having a shower and call me in sometimes then stand there rubbing shower gel down there, thinking it looks sexy.

OP posts:
Original poster
Morningcoffeeee · 11/01/2019 22:48

Depending what I'm doing at the time I cross my legs or move his hand away which signifies I'm not interested.

OP posts:
BlancheM · 11/01/2019 22:48

All the porn has gone to his head. Women are pieces of meat who are in a permanent state of arousal and one prod has them screaming in pleasure.
In reality you need, consent for one thing and respect.

Quartz2208 · 11/01/2019 22:48

You need to tell him this and spell it out because he is not sounding good

Original poster
Morningcoffeeee · 11/01/2019 22:49

@BlancheM that's how I feel actually

OP posts:
PickAChew · 11/01/2019 22:50

You should have told him you were with his mum and threatened to show her what sort of literal wanker she had for a son.

Sod his feelings. He's not caring about yours and yes he is a bloody pest.

burritofan · 11/01/2019 22:51

Depending what I'm doing at the time I cross my legs or move his hand away which signifies I'm not interested.

With a reasonable human that would be a clear signal, but the fact he keeps doing it suggests either the message hasn't got through (he thinks sometimes it works and you like it when you're in the mood), or he doesn't care about the message and thinks he can grab you whenever he wants. Be clear and specific and have an honest conversation about his behaviour and how gross it is.

Quartz2208 · 11/01/2019 22:53

you use the words I think a lot about his behaviour trying to put a positive spin

at best he is a teenage boy who needs guidance

At worst he is a total sex pest who doesnt care about you

Both need you to start communicating to figure out which

Original poster
Morningcoffeeee · 11/01/2019 22:56

He knew I was out with my mum as she came round for a cuppa before we went shopping.

I was sat in a shopping centre on a bench when the pictures came through and I had to lock my phone so passers by or my DM didn't see them.

OP posts:
Atalune · 11/01/2019 22:56

He sounds absolutely vile.

Do you have daughters? Is that how he would like them to be treated?

I would lose my mind if DH sent me a dick pic or video and break his bloody arm if he groped me.

Revolting.

Make it stop today.

Quartz2208 · 11/01/2019 23:00

The fact he knew and sent them means the thrill is definitely doing something he shouldnt and upsetting you OP

Villanelley · 11/01/2019 23:00

Dig him a hole in the garden and tell him to stick it in that.

HildaZelda · 11/01/2019 23:04

He sounds immature and childish. It's like something you'd expect an 18 year old to be doing, not a (allegedly) mature father of almost two.

@BlancheM is spot on with what she said. Men are watching so much porn when a woman (ie an actress who is ACTING) starts moaning after twenty seconds, then now think that actually happens in real life.

meow1989 · 11/01/2019 23:06

He sounds disgusting and disrespectful. He doesn't act like this in front of your toddler right?!

You are not an object for his to use to satisfy his own needs and I don't think anyone would blame you if you never went near him again.

You need to tell him it's not ok. You'll know what to do next depending on his reaction.

Maelstrop · 11/01/2019 23:07

He'll be having a shower and call me in sometimes then stand there rubbing shower gel down there, thinking it looks sexy.

He's a fucking idiot. How the hell can you put up with this behaviour? If my dh groped me, he'd have an elbow in the face. Why are you tolerating this? Are you worried he'd leave if you bollocked him?

You need to communicate properly with him. I'm so angry for you, but you seem to think his sexpest behaviour is OK. Where is your self respect?

Original poster
Morningcoffeeee · 11/01/2019 23:07

When I was pregnant with our first he was moaning to his ex (who he co-parents a child with) that I never wanted sex when pregnant. She and I were chatty at the time and she relayed it back to me, adding how it was the opposite for her when she was pregnant by him and she wanted it all of the time.

That was a few years ago but it stuck with me and I often find myself feeling inferior. Hence my comment about wanting to tell him to fuck off back to her.

I did go ballistic that he was discussing our sex life with his ex and he couldn't justify why he did it, purely because it was a shit thing to do.

I do have sex with him when I'm not remotely in the mood because I don't like feeling as though there's something 'wrong' with my sex drive.

OP posts:
SynchroSwimmer · 11/01/2019 23:09

Are you going to tell him that your Mum (and maybe her friends, you know, when you were all in that coffee shop together?) weren’t overly impressed with the photos when they came through unexpectedly like that as you were all chatting?

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