...to pretend the bathroom door is soundproof in an effort to “be more dad”?

[Gyaradose]

DH has been pretending this for several years now so I’m thinking of adopting this strategy.

Will also work on developing clutter blindness and an inability to open the fridge and transfer what has been seen into a viable meal for children.

Any others?

I’m going to declare “I have cleaned the kitchen for you ” all the whole not noticing the filthy hob or dirty floor.

I shall leave all tetrapaks on top of the recycling bins in the kitchen, even though I have been told at least 52 times every year since 1997 that they aren't recycled in this local authority...

I'm going to half screw the lids back on of any bottles or jars to save me having to unscrew them fully when I use them again

I will completely lose the ability to remember any of my side of the familys birthdays, or visit the shops to buy them any presents. I will also refuse to set up any reminders after forgetting and feeling guilty for the billionth time as I’m ‘too busy’.

Losing the ability to see the items on the bottom step intended to be taken upstairs?

Yes! 🤬 And I will put my dirty dishes on the counter, carefully above the dishwasher, but never IN the dishwasher.

I shall listen agreeably when DW suggests not antagonising the over-emotional hormonal teen child, but will immediately commence ‘Operation: Wind Up’ as soon as the said teen child is within ear shot. When the ‘teetering on the brink teen’ explodes I will then issue my best innocent face and declare “I was only winding her up” and therefore it clearly will not be my fault.

I’m going to assume all childcare is sorted, and that someone else is fine to do pick ups and drop offs each day despite them also having full time job, and then once I get in I’ll get on with my hobby as I’m sure someone else will sort out the toddler’s tea and evening routine.

I will also crush the rubbish down in the bin just a bit more, until it’s a hard compacted lump, rather than just changing the damn bin bag 😡

I'll put the packet back in the cupboard after using the last teabag. Then I'll complain that no-one has noticed we've run out and bought a new packet.

I will develop some kind of super skill of never ever ever finishing a toilet roll (leaving one or two sheets on there max) and then not use the toilet again until my wife does (even if this is days later) therefore I will never ever have to change it. If for some rare reason I do finish the toilet roll, I'll just leave the empty roll on the holder and place the new roll on top because I'm not sure how to take the old one off. It's a hook style that the roll simply slides on/off. There's no screws or anything. I just won't physically be able to do it. Nor will I ever put the empty roll in the recycling bin which is just a box with no lid so could stand at the door and throw it in requiring no effort. Gahhhhhh!

@morgan12
This thread is proof that all men are the same person.

I will shout from another room "where does this go?" (whilst not specifying what "this" actually fucking is)

I will suggest we start following a meal plan, then declare I don't really fancy that, when it comes to cooking tea.

I will chomp and belch my way through a pack of pork scratchings tipping then into my mouth directly from the packet noisily and slurp and belch my coke over sound of the Tv and then have the cheek to moan at DP when they are chewing their Haribo 'too noisily'

I'm going to say "dunno" in answer to the question, "What's for dinner."

I'm going to put some random items in the washing machine because that is a really helpful thing to do, but one of the random items will be a mucky hairy dog towel or waxy car polishing rags. These will be hidden carefully at the back so DW won't see them until much later.

Loving this. Thankfully DP is only guilty of a couple of them.

I shall put things near to where they should be.

I shall put things in front of cupboard doors or on top of anything with a lid so it needs to be moved before anyone can open it.

I will ask DW the cooking instructions for every single item I ever take from the fridge or freezer that needs to go in the oven. I could just peer down at the package that I'm holding in my hand, but I'd rather bellow to her from the kitchen in an exasperated tone.

I'll also have a nice shower and come down fresh as a daisy ready to go somewhere. I'll leave DW to get the kids ready and then us 3 will leave the house looking immaculate while she will be sweaty and unshowered, with no makeup on and her hair scraped up in a bun as usual as she ran out of time before everyone had to leave the house.

Lighthearted as he does keep me sane but also drives me a little insane too!

I will keep adding to the 'under the sink' bin until the wobbly creation is mountain high so when MrPoppys tries to transfer it to the bin bag, it falls in all directions over the kitchen floor.

I will expect a standing ovation and copious amounts of praise whenever I cook a meal.

I shall crash about the house yelling about things when the irritable baby is Finally sleeping, and get annoyed when I’m asked to quieten down as ‘he needs to get used to the background noise’

I will peel my veg into the sink and leave it just there. When mentioned, I will make a spectacle of transferring to food waste bin.

After my weekend lie-in, I will grace the family with my presence mid-morning and look distressed at any toys impacting the feng shui of my chosen resting place.

I shall do the shopping and come back with multiple packs of things containing way more than we could feasibly eat (unless we want to have the same meal 5 nights in a row) because they were on special offer.

I will complain, a lot, about how tired and overworked and probably ill I am, because I have a pain in my knee/shoulder/hip. But also cycle 25 miles a day and then go to the gym after work because I can't sit still.

Put banana skins on top of the food waste bin, not in, despite it taking a micro second more.

Express surprise that when we go out as a family, that the toddler, who I was present for conception, gestation and birth of, might need things. Like a buggy, or a drink.

I wish everyone would really do this.

To go Xmas shopping and choose gifts for his family