...to pretend the bathroom door is soundproof in an effort to “be more dad”?

[Gyaradose]

DH has been pretending this for several years now so I’m thinking of adopting this strategy.

Will also work on developing clutter blindness and an inability to open the fridge and transfer what has been seen into a viable meal for children.

Any others?

I'm going to start shouting, "Do you want to keep this?" from the kitchen when DH is in the living room at the other end of the house.

I am going to get ready first, then play with my phone until it's time to go out, then get annoyed because the three young children are not ready yet.

This thread is proof that all men are the same person.

I will put throw my towel at the radiator rather than folding it. All good though cause my wife will fix it.

I too shall leave go faster stripes in the toilet bowl. Because apparently they are invisible to the depositer.

I will respond to any perceived spousal anxiety with “just don’t get so stressed”.

I'll just put things next to the bin instead of in it.

I will follow my beloved’s instructions to the letter when looking for something. If she says it is on the top shelf, then that is the only shelf I will search even though it is most likely on another shelf (where I put it).

I won’t replace toilet roll at all but if there is any left I put it on floor - rather than toilet roll holder

I will snooze on the sofa, waiting to see if the TV remote will morph into part of my anatomy, if only I hold it tightly and long enough.

Careful @myimaginarycathasfleas only to look at things that are front and centre on the specified shelf. You mustn’t move anything.

@Gyaradose

😂😂😂

@snitzelvoncrumb

This.

Then my dp has the cheek to complain why I'm not even ready!!!!!!! Bloody help dress the your kids then.

I will say I don’t mind what we have for dinner, but then moan or pull faces about any meal suggestions made to me.

I shall put food waste, recycling, and general waste in the same bin and then become passive-aggressive when it is pointed out to me that it won’t be collected unless sorted. For heaven’s sake, can’t people just be grateful that I actually make the effort to put it in a bin?
I will put dirty crockery and cutlery in the sink in several inches of cold water. It will be a privilege for my spouse to fish them out and put them in the dishwasher.
I will fail to learn the names of people I have known for years, instead endearingly referring to them as ‘beardy boy’ or ‘American girl’ - particularly if Canadian.

I will stand up and break wind when I’m about to leave the room. Even if the room is full of my beloved family and I am heading to somewhere I could do this with no victims.

I will totally fail to differentiate between the knickers of the female members of my family, even though some are big and black and lacy and some are small and pink and have dogs on, thus making me totally incapable of putting any washing away ever.

I will look in the full fridge and declare "there is NOTHING to eat"

I shall sit on the sofa absorbed in some telly while the blue birds tidy and clean the kitchen after my partner has cooked

I shall ensure when I cook I use EVERY SINGLE pot, utensil and spare dish in the kitchen to get the most effective use of dishwasher and partner washing up

I will ignore the dog eating something she shouldn't even though a vets bill comes attached

Even when I need to be out the door for a European trip in 10 mins will just check my email before I pack my bag...

even though I know all this shit already

Yes, this!
I will get myself ready and play on my phone while my DW gets herself and 3 DCs ready, then tell our hosts that we are late because she was doing her makeup

I will butter rolls on the bunker, with gay abandon, sweeping the crumbs onto the floor with a wild flourish.

I will declare after years FUCKING YEARS of living in this house hat I still don’t know where the towels or kids clothes are kept.

Also, you cannot seriously expect me to stir a pot of food on the stove AND talk to a child. That's insane levels of multi-tasking.

I am going to promise to take DW to a very special Michelin starred restaurant for a 'big' birthday.

I will do nothing about organising this for seven years, then when a fellow contractor at work suggests they take the boss out to said restaurant, I will organise it in an afternoon. I will, of course, ring DW to ask her to check that the company credit card will be able to meet the expense.

I'm going to my pack my own suitcase to go on holiday with my clothes/toiletries etc. and not worry about what anyone else might need or what else in the house might need to be done. I shall just turn up in the hall at the allotted time ready to go.