AIBU to terminate a 3rd pregnancy for financial reasons?

[3rdChild]

We have 2DC and feel our family is complete but I have just found out that I’m pregnant (6 weeks) despite taking precautions.

Really conflicted about whether to go for termination or not. It’s still early days so I would just have to take the tablets for a ‘medical termination’. Would you have the unplanned 3rd child if it would cripple you financially?

Background info to avoid drip feed...I recently started a new job so wouldn’t qualify for any decent maternity pay. We couldn’t afford to survive on DH salary alone and even if I went back to work pretty soon after birth, childcare in London for the youngest 2 DC would be more than my take home pay. We have no family nearby who could support with childcare. WWYD?

[Pinkprincess1978]

I'm in similar position (except not pregnant) but no way would I keep a baby if we fell. I couldn't derail my current children's financial future by having another baby.

[QuilliamCakespeare]

I don't think I would terminate because to me, it's a baby; a tiny person with a future of endless possibilities ahead of it.

However, I absolutely wouldn't judge you for making a different decision. You have to do what is right for you and your family. The security of your existing DC is just as important and only you can fully understand the implications of adding another person to your family.

Good luck OP, it's a stinker of a decision but you'll do whatever is most right for you, I'm sure.

[Islands81]

I’ve been there and done it OP, because I was thinking about the emotional and financial impact on the 2 dc I already had.

Weirdly, I was thinking about it earlier today (it happened quite a few years ago now) and feeling very glad I made that decision. It would have been a disaster for the dc I already have, and I’ve have been spreading myself way too thin.

You feel that your family is complete, so it’s a much easier decision than if you were hankering after a third. It’s not the most joyous thing to go through admittedly, but it’s better than 18 years of financial worry.

[Schmoobarb]

YANBU. I would abort for sure in those circumstances x

[barkinatthemoon]

I don't think there's any right or wrong in this situation, you just have to decide what is best for your family, and that will be the right choice. I feel like if I were to fall pregnant right now, I'd be in a familiar situation to you, and that scares me to think of having to make that decision. I think my deciding factor would be how much I think it would impact my other 2 dc, as I want to be the best parent I can be for them. I'm not sure I could physically stretch myself enough financially/physically/emotionally/mentally to raise 3 children right now. You 100% anbu to think about your options, and what works best for your family. Just try to be as sure as possible with your decision either way, as hard as that will be. Maybe writing down your thoughts (the positives and negatives, plus your general feelings) and getting your partner to do the same will give you a clearer picture of what you should do. Hugs x

[BenjiB]

I used to say I’d never terminate a pregnancy until I found myself if the position. We already have 3 dcs, one severely autistic. Already our lives were very difficult and another child would have been impossible. I was also older. It’s very hard to say unless you’re in that position. Do what us right for you. I do feel guilty at times and think of the what ifs but know it was the right decision x

[CheshireChat]

Nettleskeins Which is why I said potentially, we aren't in a great area but we're in catchment for a school rated outstanding, but that's really not always the case.

Actually, London schools have better outcomes overall as more is invested in them, even if the area has issues.

If we were to have a second child, we wouldn't be able to afford any of the cheaper options you've mentioned so all of a sudden there's a lot of opportunities missed for all of the children involved so depends how much leeway you have.

[AutumnColours9]

I wouldn't. But I wouldn't judge either. Very difficult decision. But I think you can get by whilst they are small. Things may get better financially. You never know what's round the corner etc I think it would be a shame for financial reasons only. I'm not minimising it but I guess I've been there myself and got through and no regrets. I have 5DC.

[TheSmallAssassin]

I don't think I would terminate because to me, it's a baby; a tiny person with a future of endless possibilities ahead of it.

I am also a person with a future of endless possibilities ahead of me, that would have been curtailed if I had kept the pregnancy I terminated, and similarly the futures of my existing children would have changed. I didn't think the child that might have been was more important than us, already existing people.

[Sparklybanana]

Are you me? I had this situation and I did go for an abortion. I don’t regret it but I think of it every day. I’d be coming up for my due date soon. It’s opened up the possibility of having a 3rd though, but once I’m settled more in my job. If I got pregnant again accidentally then I’d not have another abortion. It took 7 years and ivf and miscarriages for my 2 dc so was the worst decision in the world for me. I never thought I’d be upset seeing two lines and that was really the choice for me.

[agnurse]

Actually the embryo already has a heartbeat. Has had for a week or so. The heart starts beating at 21 days after conception. By 8 weeks all major organ systems are developed - they just need time to mature.

[waterplease]

YADNBU to abort due to financial reasons, so many people get themselves into ridiculous poverty having kids- yet never seem to stop?

[QuilliamCakespeare]

@TheSmallAssassin Did you read the rest of my post? That's just how I feel about any baby I might conceive. It wasn't an attack or a judgement. I'm pro-choice.

[User12879923378]

I'm not going to say what I would do because I don't know, and because my firm belief is that there are no invalid reasons for not wanting to have a baby.

[robininbrum]

@3rdChild

He is keen to have a vasectomy, it was on his to-do list, but he hasn't got round to it yet.

TO-DO LIST:

Book the car in for its MOT
Get a carton of milk
Get a loaf of bread
Water the spider plants
Have a vasectomy
Get some dry cat food for the cats
Get a new 3 pack of socks

Sorry OP, but your DH putting 'get a vasectomy' on his 'to-do' list did make me LOL.

As for the abortion. You're only 6 weeks, so it's very early, and not a problem to terminate at this stage. As a pp said though, get booked in soon, as you may have to wait several weeks.

Good luck!

[Bluetrews25]

I'd terminate too.
No hesitation.

[lifetothefull]

I personally wouldn't.
However, it's not my call. I wouldn't, others would. What do you honestly think you will feel afterwards? Huge relief? Huge guilt?

[Toughtips]

I would in a heartbeat.

We have two kids already. My limit is two.

It's just a bunch of cells at this stage. So much to go wrong and risk too.

[OurChristmasMiracle]

OP the reality is only YOU know what is best for yourself and your family. It doesn’t matter what anyone else would do. It is your decision to make and it is you that has to live with that decision.

I don’t doubt this is a horrible decision for you.

[3rdchild]

Robin in brum > that is exactly what the to do list is like in our life. My poor DH is lovely and the nicest man ever but he is crap at life admin. I’m the organiser in our relationship and sadly this is one thing he has to organise himself. He was on the phone yesterday to get himself booked in as he’s mortified about what I’ll be going through.

[3rdchild]

Thanks for your opinions everyone. Upon reflection, I probably worded my post incorrectly...I realise this is a personal decision and everyone is different. I think I was actually asking for acceptance that it would be okay to terminate ‘only’ for financial reasons. Just wanted to to be sure that my thoughts were reasonable I guess.

So many replies were thoughtful, helpful and comforting - thank you. I had a scan today and I’m less far along than I thought so the medical option (abortion pill) is what I’ve decided.

Hopefully this post gives someone else the permission to make the right choice for them if they find themselves in a similar situation.

[Tessabelle1]

If I were to fall pregnant again now, I'd seriously consider termination, I have 4 dc already and another would be a huge financial burden that would mean my other children missing out on things we can just about manage now. Yanbu. Good luck with whatever you decide

[Crispmonster1]

Our 3rd was a “surprise”. It has altered the dynamic a lot. I’m surprised at how much things have changed. I’ve never been as broke. My husband is in a good job and we are content but we have to think about EVERY PENNY now. Car had to be bigger, food bill is more, the amount of washing I do, if we go away as a family a room for 5 is limited and more expensive. Not to mention we’re oit numbered. It goes without saying that I love them all but life would be very much easier with just 2.