AIBU to terminate a 3rd pregnancy for financial reasons?

[3rdChild]

We have 2DC and feel our family is complete but I have just found out that I’m pregnant (6 weeks) despite taking precautions.

Really conflicted about whether to go for termination or not. It’s still early days so I would just have to take the tablets for a ‘medical termination’. Would you have the unplanned 3rd child if it would cripple you financially?

Background info to avoid drip feed...I recently started a new job so wouldn’t qualify for any decent maternity pay. We couldn’t afford to survive on DH salary alone and even if I went back to work pretty soon after birth, childcare in London for the youngest 2 DC would be more than my take home pay. We have no family nearby who could support with childcare. WWYD?

[Figgygal]

Absolutely I would
Financial security and quality of life/affordability and maintaining quality of life for existing dc would be very important to me

[Figgygal]

Yeah but the baby isn't here merename not in the slightest

[MotherOfDragonite]

You are so, so, so not being unreasonable to consider termination in these circumstances. It sounds like you have thought it through quite carefully and have a number of very sound reasons. It is also, as you say, early days.

But... you say that you are feeling conflicted. Why is that? I wonder if digging a bit deeper into the root of the conflict would help you to feel sure you are making the decision that's right for you.

[Justwanttotravel]

Was in the same situation myself 8 years ago, although further along. Decided against abortion and was the best decision, couldn't imagine life without 3rd dc. Wasn't affected anyway near as much financially as had anticipated. Hard decision and ultimately no one can tell you what is the right thing for you.

[DonutCone]

I would keep it. I couldn't imagine after having a MC and being devastated but then getting rid of a baby willingly.

[MotherOfDragonite]

I did consider termination very seriously when I got pregnant unexpectedly (and without much support or the right finances). I actually did end up feeling that it would be right for me to continue the pregnancy though.

A few things for you to consider.

1. You must make an appointment for the termination NOW. The waiting lists can be quite long so don't think it's immediate -- you'll wait for a couple of weeks minimum I think.
   

1. Counselling should be offered by the provider. I strongly suggest you take them up on this! Again, it's not immediate, so another reason to get on the list quickly. It's completely unbiased and simply there to give you a chance to think things through before making a final decision, if you're unsure at all.

[RebelWitchFace]

YANBU.

We both know that if somehow I get pregnant again , it's straight to an abortion clinic no discussion. OH could be swayed for a second but there's no way in hell I'm having it.

[Moominfan]

My head would say terminate but heart would say no. I'd go with the choice I think I'd regret the least. Can you make arrangements to see a counsellor

[MotherOfDragonite]

I have friends who've had terminations and regretted it. I also have friends who've had terminations and still feel a sense of relief and as if it was completely right for them.

The main thing is what is right for YOU, which might be different from what would be right for somebody else even if they were in exactly the same circumstances.

[MadMum101]

I was in this position after 3 DC. I knew before the missed period as got my usual metallic taste and immediately booked a termination. It wasn't something I needed to agonise about. Done within about a week (surgical, and abroad).

I was pretty shocked at myself as it wasn't something I'd ever thought I'd do.

I have no regrets, it wasn't a horrendous experience and I felt nothing but relief afterwards. It was the right choice for me.

I would only say if you're not sure OP, think carefully. If you had no doubts, you wouldn't have posted on here.

I did have another DC, planned and much wanted, quite a few years later when I was in a very different place.

[olympic19]

I'm a parent of three and consider my family complete. But were I to conceive again (unlikely due to vasectomy) I wouldn't even consider a termination. It's a child. We're all ultimately a "bunch of cells" aren't we? I wish you peace in your decision, though, as I can imagine this is a horrible position to be in.

[Findingdotty]

Personally I wouldn't. But I also wonder you sound so full of doubts would you regret this forever? I think it's less likely that you would regret having a child rather than an abortion as much as the other way around.

[lilybetsy]

based on what I know now, about the strain of extra children, not just financial but practical & emotional, if I did not want the child I would terminate without regret

[costacoffeecup]

I would terrminate but I am sure I would never want more than two children so that would be a factor for me.

And I hate to mention the B word but realistically life for most of us is probably going to get much more expensive next year and unless you were very financially secure I wouldn't risk it for the sake of your other children. I was up at 2am worrying about how we are going to afford our second if interest rates shoot up but I'm 37 weeks so too late to reason about that now.

[LaurieMarlow]

I wouldn't abort in those circs but that's not relevant to your decision. It not at all unreasonable to have a termination because that's what you feel is right for the family as a whole

[bubblegumunicorn]

I wouldn't let age worry you I had a termination at 22 and for me it was the right thing to do I couldn't have brought a baby in to the world then I had way too much to do with my life but for some people that would be absurd as you are an adult and you can function properly at that age! No one else is you and can say what is right for your family and if you feel this is what you need to do then do it!

[BejamNostalgia]

I would be making this decision based on the children who are already here. How will it impact them? Will you still be able to afford for them to pursue their hobbies and interests? Emotionally, do they need your support a lot, would it spread you too thinly?

[Lovemusic33]

I don’t think anyone has asked, “what does your dh want to do?” It is his choice too?

I’m not against abortion, I’m unsure what I would do in your situation, it has to be your choice.

I have a friend who had a surprise 3rd child, they have struggled financially but they wouldn’t go back and not have had the 3rd dc, since the 3rd child her dh has had the snip but it was not successful.

Do what’s right for you and your family.

[WYP2018]

I would, and I have. No regrets in the slightest.

It is a personal decision though and you have do decide what you are comfortable with. As you can see the opinions on this thread vary widely. Good luck

[jessstan2]

You're not unreasonable at all, no point in being any more hard up than you are already. In your position I would do the same. You have two lovely and much wanted children, a third would make life really difficult.

Things will get better and I doubt you will look back in regret.
Take care and good luck.

(Wear belt and braces in future :-))

[Allthewaves]

If financially another child would break you then abortion would be my choice

[kaytee87]

@Lovemusic33 it's absolutely not her husbands choice. He can have an opinion, not a choice.

[SillySallySingsSongs]

I say it's your choice, but why the hell has your husband not had the snip if you really can't afford more?

Not OPs body not for her to choose. Just like it is her choice if she wants to have an abortion or not.

[Wannabeyorkshirelass]

I think YABU to throw it open for debate on a forum to be honest.

Nobody can make this decision but you. Nobody knows every detail better than you. Nobody has to live with it other than you.

I wouldn't do it. It'd be my child to me, and my children's brother or sister - but what difference does that make to YOU and YOUR personality and ideas and beliefs and circumstances? None whatsoever, you don't even know me.