AIBU to terminate a 3rd pregnancy for financial reasons?

[3rdChild]

We have 2DC and feel our family is complete but I have just found out that I’m pregnant (6 weeks) despite taking precautions.

Really conflicted about whether to go for termination or not. It’s still early days so I would just have to take the tablets for a ‘medical termination’. Would you have the unplanned 3rd child if it would cripple you financially?

Background info to avoid drip feed...I recently started a new job so wouldn’t qualify for any decent maternity pay. We couldn’t afford to survive on DH salary alone and even if I went back to work pretty soon after birth, childcare in London for the youngest 2 DC would be more than my take home pay. We have no family nearby who could support with childcare. WWYD?

YANBU. In these circumstances I would absolutely have a termination. It took me 5 years to conceive my second child and I had 2 miscarriages but now my family is definitely complete and for lots of reasons, some financial, I would not want another child.

Remember though that you don’t need to justify your decision, just not wanting to be pregnant is enough.

I hope you come to the right decision for you and your family

Merename
Sorry for your conflict and difficult decision. I’d never terminate for those reasons, or any in fact. For me life begins at conception, and in a week it will have a heartbeat and be able to move with intention. I know that’s not a popular view but you did ask WWYD. I’d be thinking about what practical changes we could make to make it financially viable to support the baby now that it’s here.

This ^^ a million times over.

I have 5DC and we would definitely struggle financially with another baby but DH & I both strongly believe life begins at conception and so could never terminate.

I'd terminate.

You don't need a reason to have a termination other than you want one.

But if it were me, I'd pop the pills privately and then get DH to organise the snip.

What @jellymaker said

I wouldn’t terminate for those reasons myself.

Original poster here: Thank you for your opinions. I’m pretty pragmatic about it and I’m not riddled with guilt at the thought of ending the life of an embryo. My reasons are financial rather than ethical. If I was a stay at home mum and didn’t need to work to pay half the mortgage then I’d be happy to have a third.

I have three and if I were to fall pregnant again now I'd be on the phone booking in a termination before the stick dried.

I have been in your position before. I did and for me and my family - it was the right decision to unfortunately terminate. Good luck ok. Be kind to yourself.

It seems you can't afford it. There is no choice here. I would.

You would be eligible for Maternity Allowance if you're working, which is the same amount as SMP.
Totally understand how you feel as this happened to us last year when I was just about to go back to full time work as DS's started school. But finances weren't enough of a reason for me...and we are very poor. I knew I wasn't mentally strong enough for an abortion, so here I am with a beautiful 6 month old daughter. All my dreams have come true. And I've had to accept that my children will not have "all the stuff" but hopefully they will have a loving, happy home.

Before I was sterilised, I had made my mind up that if I was to get pregnant a third time, despite taking precautions, then I would terminate. My existing DC are my priority, and we don't have the time or money to start all over again...

I hate how people claim you can have less stuff- sure, but money also buys opportunities. Your kid wants to learn an instrument? Needs gear for a sport? Imagine they're bullied and lonely at school so you'd like martial arts classes for them or any hobby? Nope, sorry.

Having to move school to a cheaper area and potentially worse school- well, you have another sibling to play with, you don't really need friends.

The OP can decide on balance what would be more difficult, but you absolutely cannot rely on things just working out.

schools in cheaper areas are really not necessarily worse. For the record I live in London and my children all commute daily to cheaper areas (in zone 3 or 4) to attend BETTER state schools. For all I know there are even better schools where it is even cheaper in places like Kent.
State schools subsidize music lessons in secondary and primary schools. They don't cost that much. If you have a piano it costs the same whether you have two or three kids, surely. None of my children do expensive sports. Perhaps if I had one I would have given that one very expensive tennis coaching. But the truth is, you just work with what you have, rather than wondering what you might have spent the money on.

Mortgages are fixed though. It is whether there might be savings to be made elsewhere or possibilities of earning money in the long run that wouldnt be wiped out by childcare. Or even saving money on childcare because you are working less or part-time. Or shift patterns or job changes. All sorts of things change over the course of a lifetime as a parent.

I really don't get the stuff about bad schools in cheaper areas though. It just irritates me. Are schools in Manchester worse than in London just because it is cheaper to buy a house in Manchester?

Pretty impressed at this thread managing to have only minor bunfights. Lots of thoughtful and kind posters.

For what it's worth I'd be pragmatic about it too. YANBU for any reason but especially when it's for the sake of your family's financial survival

I've been their. I had the baby. We don't get any tax credits for our daughter. I can't afford to buy her a car seat or a new pushchair she needs. Her coat came second hand from eBay. Her clothes too. Xmas eve my card declined..At flipping Aldi. Had toys and food for my three children. The store manager shouted it out to everyone. Hate Aldi now. My tax credits had gone in but RBS hadn't made available they did in 27th.... I care for my severely disabled teenage son. He needs constant 24h r care. I simply can't work. I feel she's being penalised for being my third. Flipping 2 kid policy. I've worked since I was 13. I'd a sat job then body care then marks and sparks then taught. I'd be earning 500 plus a week if I was back at work. I'm not lazy. Have the Top

How do you feel about adoption? I'm not saying that you should or that you shouldn't abort. I just wanted to mention the possibility. For some people it can be the right option.

AgNurse...thanks so much for the pictures of human embryos. So lovely seeing those tiny fingers and toes. I remember subscribing to weekly email updates for my first pregnancy and being very interested in reading the various fruits my foetus was compared to. Not so much of an interest at the moment though. And your comparison of my situation to Baroness Von Trapp, well, enlightening to say the least. Are you unhinged? Lovely to see that the baroness coped with a ninth child by letting some of her servants go and rented some rooms to lodgers. Sadly, I don’t have any servants to let go and a lodger prob wouldn’t want to share with a newborn baby. If you have any other terrible helpful ideas then do let me know!

A woman I knew professionally performed abortions in a clinic, she said that most of the women she did the procedure for were women who already had at least one child. She interpreted this as women realising what their personal limits were in terms of raising children.

DH and I have discussed this and we’d terminate if we had an unexpected pregnancy now (unlikely as he’s had the op). I’m enjoying working more now that the DC are all at school and they are enjoying sport and other activities that’s time consuming and would be much harder to facilitate if a newborn was added into the mix. I feel that you do have a responsibility to your other children as well.

Glad you coped well with those horrifically unnecessary posts, OP.
Although nice to hear other people's (hinged and reasonable) views and experiences on both sides, perhaps those posts were a reminder that, ultimately, this is your choice alone.

No, I'd not terminate a life. I'd move out of london to a cheaper area and keep my child

OP I'm sorry you've had some idiotic comments. There are some absolute cunts out there who want to score points. i'm sure you'll come to the right decision for you and DH

I was in pretty much your situation when my kids were 5 and 3, we'd talked about my husband having a vasectomy but hadn't got round to it, I was still on the mini pill after originally taking it because I was breast feeding. We could probably have afforded another child, but I was just getting back into the swing of work and just couldn't face the idea of starting all over again with a newborn. I went to my GP and had a surgical abortion at my local hospital, all very straightforward (and free) and a relief. Husband had his vasectomy a few months later...