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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

This is odd and entitled isn’t it?

197 replies

Fusioluxe · 11/01/2019 14:04

I bought a friend with twins two large wooden toys for her children for Christmas. Not cheap and I knew they would be liked. I had them delivered straight to her as they were big. Tracking showed they arrived.

Christmas came and went and I heard nothing so I ventured to ask her today whether she had ever received them. Her reply “Oh, were they from you?”

No thanks, no “oh the mystery is solved!”, but she did say the twins love them.

It seems that they arrived before Christmas, she was out, her mother was in, mother opened the parcel straight away and put the toys in the nursery, and got rid of the packaging. There was supposed to be a note in with them saying Merry Christmas from me but if it was there it wasnt looked at and thrown away.

I asked my friend hadn't she wondered where the toys were from when she had arrived home and saw them. She said no! 😲

Please tell me I’m not being unreasonable by thinking that isn’t normal behaviour!

OP posts:
caoraich · 11/01/2019 19:59

YANBU OP, I think her behaviour is weird and it's weird that her mum is opening her packages. Also weird that she didn't thank you once she found out it was you. Even if she didn't like the gifts it would have been good manners to thank you anyway, and then give them away if she wanted to later.

While I wouldn't have expected her to ring round everyone finding out who they were from, I'm surprised she didn't make an effort. I had a baby a few months ago and we got some presents which were sent straight from Amazon with no notes inside. It took me all of 30 seconds to pop a post on facebook saying "we have been sent a lovely xxx but it doesn't say who from - if this was you then please let me know so we can send a thank you card!"

Weirdwonders · 11/01/2019 20:07

It’s not odd or entitled - the penny dropped as she realised who they were from then she told you the kids love them! That’s a thank you! Did you buy them for the kids or for her and her partner??

Original poster
Fusioluxe · 11/01/2019 20:09

I think the mother is rather overbearing. I remember my friend complaining to me when the twins were babies that she (the mother/grandmother) carried them both upstairs from the hospital to show them their room whilst friend was struggling to get out of the car (csection) and hobble in. And she gave them their first chocolate etc.

OP posts:
KC225 · 11/01/2019 20:20

She said 'the twins loved them'. I don't think she was being soo rude. Perhaps you are getting hung up on the words 'thank you' when its probably an oversight on her side. She will have had one eye and half her concentration on the twins (twin mum here, ages 2 to 4 are the worst). Working out the mystery with another another brain portion.

It sounds like a chain of unfortunate events. No note or card on the parcel, the mum opening the parcel and putting in with the other toys. I think the mum was weird opening a parcel and putting it out? Who does that in someone else's house. And it being Christmas. No one does a toy stock take on a return home.

You bought some thoughtful gifts for your friends children and she has told you, 'they love them'. Job done OP.

zzzzz · 11/01/2019 20:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

livefornaps · 11/01/2019 20:41

To be honest the mother sounds like a nightmare who wants to control the kids.

"I'll show the babies their room" - terrible!!!

She probably made to the kids that the gifts were from her, not giving a shit even if they were meant to be Santa presents!

Your friend is probably more bothered by it than she is letting on.

Next time give in person - and give your friend's mum a wide berth.

Original poster
Fusioluxe · 11/01/2019 21:09

Well I’ll chalk it up to one of those things.

I’m more bothered by the opening of the parcel by someone else now I’ve read the responses!

OP posts:
Dollymixture22 · 11/01/2019 21:10

If I were you I would simply buy token gifts next year.

These were lovely and very generous gifts. As the kids get older they will expect big gifts form you every year. Hey will probably have grown out of these beautiful toys before next Christmas.

Maybe these are more parent or grandparent scaled presents. While I am on no way crisiting you for this lovely gesture I go overboard too), maybe this should be a one off.

MadameButterface · 11/01/2019 21:26

It’s kind and generous of you, but i would take ‘the kids love them’ as a thank you tbh, it means the same thing, it’s an expression of appreciation

sirfredfredgeorge · 11/01/2019 21:35

And if I were the giver, I'd want them to be opened on Christmas day like a present

So you'd want them left in their delivery box, or do you expect the parents who had no forewarning that such a box was forthcoming to magic some wrapping?

The delivery of gifts direct from supplier is pretty weird to me, so is an expectation that trying to find out who it was from would be anything but subtle and waiting for them to mention it (facebook bragging or phoning around asking people who hadn't bought gifts which suggests you really should have...)

Although the "twins love them" isn't much of a thanks either and that's a bit weird.

All in all, no-one's come out well, and hopefully next year people will communicate better - the gifter warning that something is being delivered, and the giftee saying thanks properly.

StoneofDestiny · 11/01/2019 21:52

@zzzzz
👏👏👏👏👏👏

Tigger001 · 11/01/2019 21:59

I find it very strange that you would order an unexpected Christmas presents direct from the supplier to a friends house - I understand they were big but that is just plain weird.

That is more of a weird thing to do than to move packaging into the garage without looking for a card, or more strange than a mother opening a package for a daughter ( if in fact that actually happened) and definitely a bit more strange than a person with twins not putting it as a priority to investigate who the gift was from.

I do however think that the gifts were given as a massively nice thing from you and the friends kids love it, so you have made 2 children very happy. So from a bit of a strange situation, good has come from it.

ElektraLOL · 11/01/2019 22:32

'I find it very strange that you would order an unexpected Christmas presents direct from the supplier to a friends house - I understand they were big but that is just plain weird. '

Why is that weird? Perfectly reasonable imo

Tigger001 · 11/01/2019 22:54

Would you not want to wrap the presents? Would you not ring to say I have a surprise coming for you on .....day, is that convenient to get these large wooden toys delivered to that day?

I do say I get that it's come from a lovely place, but just weird IMO to get them delivered to someone's house before checking it's convenient for them

Original poster
Fusioluxe · 12/01/2019 04:07

The gifts weren’t unexpected. I mean, friend did not know what they were but she knew something was coming. I’d told her they were coming directly.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fusioluxe · 12/01/2019 04:14

I’ve always wrapped in the past, delivered to me, opened, wrapped, resent or given in person (friend lives an hour or so away). But these were too big to resend. I told my friend that I’d ordered the children’s presents and they would come straight to her and may have said it was because they were big, can’t remember.

OP posts:
Tigger001 · 12/01/2019 06:26

And from this she still had no idea they were from you??!? Just shows then I suppose how pre occupied she was with other things if she still didn't piece it together.
But if you had taken the time to advise her of all this why would you not have given her a delivery day, as normally as soon as you order things they give you a ETA, anyhooo you did a lovely thing and the kids love them, so all round, it was a good outcome and your going to give her the benefit of the doubt this time. If she is a close friend I'm sure she would be upset to think she has upset you after such a nice gesture.

Original poster
Fusioluxe · 12/01/2019 06:58

Tigger001, I think she gets a lot of stuff delivered. I did tell her that I’d ordered the items to go straight to her place and that she should get them that week. I didn’t have an exact delivery date, just that I was in time for delivery before Christmas.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fusioluxe · 12/01/2019 07:06

I am surprised by how many people don’t use delivery services to send items other people’s houses! It’s such a waste of time and energy to have something sent to you and then you send it on. Fair enough if you want to gift wrap it but for smaller items this is often available by the company at source.

OP posts:
Loveweekends10 · 12/01/2019 07:17

I’ve sent Xmas presents to my nieces children two years running and have not received a thanks on either occasion. A few mumsnetters highlighted that when you give gifts you shouldn’t really expect a thank-you! I’m afraid I still think it’s rude. You gave her some lovely gifts and shes acknowledged they are liked by the kids. I think you just have to put it to one side now and move in. Different people have different standards.

stopitandtidyupp · 12/01/2019 08:01

We always send parcels to other peoples houses. Nothing strange in that.

I agree that it seems the Mother didn't open them. You have to be a bit thick to open parcels, for someone else,in front of children in the run up to Christmas.

On returning from work to not notice two beautiful rockers in your house is also a bit thick or extremely entitled. My parents brought a rocker for my dd for her first Christmas. It is a special present and noticeable.

If someone had brought me such an expensive kind gift. I would be constantly wondering who had sent them. So as soon as you said on the phone I would have been very very grateful.
So I think you were right. Rude and entitled.

A colouring book maybe but we are talking about nearly £100 rockers.

ExFury · 12/01/2019 08:14

Going by what you said about her mom being overbearing then you probably find that she came home, had to deal with the irritation that her mum had opened the parcel and there wasn’t a note easily found. Plus the overbearing mum was still there so she probably planned to hunt down who bought them later but in the chaos of twins, a mum like that, Christmas etc totally forgot until you said something

Tigger001 · 12/01/2019 08:30

@Fusioluxe I think in this case then she simply must have known they were from you, if you told here a delivery would be there that week for presents for her children and 2 bloody big rockers appear "from no where". She probably forgot the thank you message and felt a bit awkward. I'm sure "if" there is a next time she maybe would appear more appreciative.

floribunda18 · 12/01/2019 08:49

I can't help thinking that the overbearing mother opened the present as she didn't want it opened on Christmas Day - it would overshadow her own present to her grandchild.

2isur2isubicurtis4me · 12/01/2019 09:22

I have twins I remember 3, I also remember the rockers we got given! Oh my! They are a flipping nightmare with twins, I am sure with any group of young siblings fingers and toes under the rockers and they do want to be together so both trying to get on the same one tipping it. If they rock with enough force and my god 3 year olds have some force they used to move across our wooden floor so I got rugs and they just dragged the rugs with them. They quickly got relocated to the garage. And knowing how expensive and what love they were given with I think I probably said the boys loved them so not lying. At the age of 3 every meal I managed to produce and washed and dressed child was a glorious event and surprise so random presents at Christmas I would have expected the mystery to solve itself over Christmas and honestly I would have just thought they are out I cannot be arsed to remove them and wrap especially if presumably the gran was babysitting and the twins had seen them already. If my mum had opened my post I would have gone mental but I wouldn't share that with a friend.

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