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AIBU?

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Original poster

This is odd and entitled isn’t it?

197 replies

Fusioluxe · 11/01/2019 14:04

I bought a friend with twins two large wooden toys for her children for Christmas. Not cheap and I knew they would be liked. I had them delivered straight to her as they were big. Tracking showed they arrived.

Christmas came and went and I heard nothing so I ventured to ask her today whether she had ever received them. Her reply “Oh, were they from you?”

No thanks, no “oh the mystery is solved!”, but she did say the twins love them.

It seems that they arrived before Christmas, she was out, her mother was in, mother opened the parcel straight away and put the toys in the nursery, and got rid of the packaging. There was supposed to be a note in with them saying Merry Christmas from me but if it was there it wasnt looked at and thrown away.

I asked my friend hadn't she wondered where the toys were from when she had arrived home and saw them. She said no! 😲

Please tell me I’m not being unreasonable by thinking that isn’t normal behaviour!

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 11/01/2019 15:03

People have stuff on their minds. Figuring out who sent them will have just been another task on her to do list which she's clearly not got to yet. I do actually sympathise.

StealthPolarBear · 11/01/2019 15:04

And I wouldn't welcome two giant wooden toys either. I despair at the lack of space in our house.

BobLemon · 11/01/2019 15:05

Twin babies? Maybe she’s just too overwhelmed at the moment for something like this to get through to her as it normally would.

I know that when we’re really busy with family and work, that a flying pig could deliver a new dinner service set and I’d just place it on an available flat service and plough back on with my day.

Steamedbadger · 11/01/2019 15:05

Friend could have been more thoughtful, but her mother sounds odder.

piscis · 11/01/2019 15:07

Does she live in a mansion with a huge playroom for the kids? Because I would not welcome two large wooden toys in my house

My thoughts exactly. I don't like to be gifted big toys either, they take too much space. It doesn't matter if you've got a big house, I live in a 4 bedroom house and it is not small, still I wouldn't like it, toys are kept in my DD room and some in the living room, but I wouldn't be putting other toys in the rest of the rooms of the house. I think that for big stuff is better to check first.

BarbaraRoyale · 11/01/2019 15:07

In that case I think it was very rude of her

StealthPolarBear · 11/01/2019 15:08

Exactly bob. With a vague mental note to work out what needs to be done with whatever the issue is later. I wouldn't even have the capacity to think what needed to be done.

Findingthingstough18 · 11/01/2019 15:08

I wouldn't feel comfortable putting a picture on Facebook or texting round to all my friends to find out the sender--it might look too much like I'm bragging about what my kids got, I'm afraid.

Yeah, that's true too. If a large wooden toy came for my baby I'd think the list of possible givers was quite small - I'd assume it was a grandparent and make a mental note to ask them (and hopefully not forget, but then I don't have twins!). It wouldn't really occur to me that it might be a friend. Only a couple of my friends bought gifts for my baby for Christmas and they were quite token (though very appreciated and gratefully received) - I'd have been taken aback if they'd bought something big.

kaytee87 · 11/01/2019 15:09

Another vote to say I wouldn't welcome 2 large wooden toys. Live in a large 4 bedroom with playroom.

StarrySky7 · 11/01/2019 15:10

To those who are saying they wouldn't welcome two big toys in the house...I sincerely hope that you would still thank who gifted them to you and would not turn you nose up because they're big. You have the choice to sell them on/regift them. They might not be your ideal presents but someone has put money and thought into them.

silentcrow · 11/01/2019 15:13

Were they from Amazon? They were awful at putting gift slips in this Christmas for wishlist purchases - I run one for school and ended up posting "if you sent us these books please contact the office as there was no name" on our social media pages. Just embarrassing, and I still have a few lovely donations with no nameplates because I haven't been able to reach whoever it was. Amazon were rubbish for my kids, too, had a nightmare tracking down which distant relative had sent what.

Still no excuse not to say thanks, though.

SinkGirl · 11/01/2019 15:15

If you bought gifts for my twins I’d be extremely grateful and thankful once I knew they were from you.

Having said that, my brain isn’t on top form since my twins arrived so maybe she’s struggling to stay on top of things

bertiesgal · 11/01/2019 15:17

Decent sized house here.

Also have twins.

Would quietly despair if someone sent us 2 large wooden toys. The toy room is fit to burst as it is.

On top of that my life is so hectic/chaotic that if I arrived home and my mum had kindly unloaded the gifts and the kids were playing with them I’d probably not question it after the first few seconds of confusion.

Our life is mental right now. I honestly think that some people have no idea how little time some mums have.

Phoning the florist to chase up a card, who has time for that shit?

In my family we always text a wee warning if a gift is on its way.

I can see why you’re disappointed but I think you have to let it go and NEVER order a large toy (or two) without consulting the parents first.

My mother sent a full size slide to my brother’s first born-they lived in a 2 bed flat with no garden st the time 😂.

She’s since learned!

HelloViroids · 11/01/2019 15:29

Does anyone else think it’s weird that the grandmother didn’t assume they were a Christmas gift purchased for the children by their mother (ie OPs friend)?! Imagine if large wooden toys - potentially “main” Christmas present for the children - arrived while DM was baby sitting, and instead of hiding them away/even waiting til you got home, she put them out for the children... Christmas would surely be ruined?!

bertiesgal · 11/01/2019 15:35

She maybe texted the mum to check? If not that’s an excellent point!

AgathaMisty · 11/01/2019 15:40

But whether you like them or not, surely you would still say thank you for the thought before carting them off to the charity shop/selling them/putting them in the bin?? Some of the responses on here have shocked me - what has happened to basic manners? Confused

kenandbarbie · 11/01/2019 15:41

I'd say most likely if from amazon the packaging was a gift bag that seemed more like the op had ordered them and that's what the mum thought. The amazon notes are always going missing, I have had to reattach them loads of times. Also saying that the kids love them is the same as saying thank you, to me that's what she meant.

springtimeyet · 11/01/2019 15:41

Honestly OP we get random gifts sent to our pair and it can take a while to work out where they came from. I don't ring round and is usually becomes clear in the end.
Also if I told someone the DC liked them I would think that was a thank you. I hope I would remember to say the words thank you as well but I remember how full on it was when the twins were small.

AgathaMisty · 11/01/2019 15:42

Our life is mental right now. I honestly think that some people have no idea how little time some mums have.

Not even time to reply "oh they were from you? Thanks so much for such a generous gift!"

springtimeyet · 11/01/2019 15:45

I agree with kenandbarbie The comment that the kids love them is the thank you that she gave OP.

DarlingNikita · 11/01/2019 15:51

Not even time to reply "oh they were from you? Thanks so much for such a generous gift!"

Yes, I can't get my head round this either. Phone people up to track down where something came from? Sure, that's a faff; I can see people wouldn't have time for that.
See some presents had been unwrapped and the kids were playing with them? Sure, I wouldn't question it if I were short of headspace.

But to have a friend say, face to face, 'Yes, those were from me' and not even say 'Oh, sorry, I'm all over the place at the mo, but thanks so much!'?

Just fucking rude, no matter how little time you have.

Butterflycookie · 11/01/2019 15:52

She was rude for not saying thanks. However,I think you should’ve messaged her to tell her that you were sending the gifts.

MsSquiz · 11/01/2019 15:53

I do find it very odd. But I also think buying large gifts to be delivered directly to the child's parent would maybe warrant some communication?

A quick text for example
"Hi X. Just to let you know I've arranged for the twins'Xmas gifts to be sent direct to your house. Let me know when you get them"

Surely you would have received a confirmation of delivery text/email when the gifts were delivered?

Fraying · 11/01/2019 15:57

I wouldn't think she was entitled. I'd assume her house was busy. There were boxes and gifts everywhere and presumably she'd agreed with her mum that she could open some mail/gifts and pack them away.
As for searching through packaging later, my bin/kitchen was full of boxes and deliver slips. I wouldn't hunt through looking for something that might not exist. I'd have waited to see which friend checked to see if the gift had arrived.

bourbonbiccy · 11/01/2019 15:58

I would take they comment " the kids love them" as a thank you. If she is a close friend what has been get response once you gave mentioned you expire annoyed at no thank you ?

I am really interested to know what the actual present was? Was it something she had mentioned she would like? I must admit I would not welcome 2 big wooden toys ( if they were like rocking horse size, as they would simply take up too much space, whether the house is large or not, but having said that, if it were one of my friend so would just say they are too big) but that's off the issue as she may well love them also.

I can see how easily the situation has arisen though, over Christmas,with twins I'm sure she had loads of pressies arriving. I would have had no problems with my mum opening a delivery for us, she probably missed the card and just thought I will wait until it comes to light who gifted them and then tell them the kids loved them. I think with twin toddlers she probably had her hands full so the benefit of the doubt should be given in discussing it with her