This is odd and entitled isn’t it?

[Fusioluxe]

I bought a friend with twins two large wooden toys for her children for Christmas. Not cheap and I knew they would be liked. I had them delivered straight to her as they were big. Tracking showed they arrived.

Christmas came and went and I heard nothing so I ventured to ask her today whether she had ever received them. Her reply “Oh, were they from you?”

No thanks, no “oh the mystery is solved!”, but she did say the twins love them.

It seems that they arrived before Christmas, she was out, her mother was in, mother opened the parcel straight away and put the toys in the nursery, and got rid of the packaging. There was supposed to be a note in with them saying Merry Christmas from me but if it was there it wasnt looked at and thrown away.

I asked my friend hadn't she wondered where the toys were from when she had arrived home and saw them. She said no! 😲

Please tell me I’m not being unreasonable by thinking that isn’t normal behaviour!

I find it odd that her mum opened the mail as well. My mum lives with us and we'd never dream of doing this, not without asking if we could open something to help out. And before Christmas, you open things super- carefully as they could be gifts!

I do think it's good practice to send someone a text and let them know when a package is likely to be arriving, though. Avoids all sorts of mix-ups.

The children might love them but is your friend ok with the gift?
2 large wooden toys that are so big they need to be delivered straight to the house would actually fill me with horror. We simply don't have the space.
I know your gift was made in kindness but I'm not sure unexpected big (in size) gifts are a very good idea. Perhaps something smaller next time that you can hand over yourself.

I sincerely hope now she does know she will send you a thank you letter OP

Did she actually thank you after stating "oh that's where they came from" ?

If you are shipping gifts to someone, it is best to let them know. 'Hi Friend, I am having XX company deliver the twins' Christmas presents and they should be with you on Tuesday. Merry Christmas'

Then there's no confusion. I do this every year with MIL who lives abroad and various relatives across the UK. They always send a thanks when they let me know it's arrived.

This thread gives me the chance to offload about my own CF ungrateful friend

My friend has not thanked me for her child's Christmas gift either and she was embarrassingly grasping when expecting, and almost tried to create a contest out of it

I bought the child something when she was expecting, got ZERO thanks and a critique that implied she was expecting to be bought more, and so I should bear in mind X WHEN I did by something else because what I had bought was less than the deluge of gifts she was apparently expecting.

I was horrified

I have only bought the child 3 things. I have been thanked once and it occurs to me that she only thanks people as a means of encouraging to buy more of the same if they want to be thanked and to withhold thanks to "teach" people what to buy.

Her child is almost 3 now and won't be getting anymore gifts

It's weird that her mum opened a package not addressed to her.

Even if the Christmas period was busy for your friend, if I was her, I would be still be wondering who sent the presents. And then when you told her when you saw her, she should have of course thanked you. She is very rude. I would seriously distance myself from her if I were you.

Wow @BartonHollow. To teach people what to buy!

It's really weird. YANBU. Surely the conversation goes

HER: 'Oh, were they from you?'
YOU: 'Yes! I asked for a Merry Christmas note from me to be put in.'
HER: Oh, I didn't see it. How embarrassing. Of course I'd have texted at the time to say thanks if I'd realised. Sorry! And thank you –as I said, they love them.'

In fairness to OP, "large" could mean anything from a toddler ride on to a 1:2 scale Wendy house.

Even if you were internally a bit "FFS!" About the gifts for whatever reason, surely you say thanks anyway?

(And hope that one of them was bought in John Lewis so you could swap it for something else)

@StarrySky7

It's my theory, because out of 3 gifts I've been thanked once, effusively.

Why is her Mum opening her parcels and triaging them?

That would piss me off more than anything.

Sounds as if your presents went down well even if your friend has a funny way of saying thanks (ie not at all!).
Curious that her mother opened her parcels and yes, did make me wonder if she somehow claimed credit for the toys.

YANBU, very odd behaviour, especially the mum opening and not assuming they were for Christmas, and ver rude.

Because we live in the sticks when DS was little we often got presents delivered direct to us.

Some people are like that. Get them a voucher next time.

Does she live in a mansion with a huge playroom for the kids? Because I would not welcome two large wooden toys in my house

Yabbers Now that attitude is ungrateful, entitled and rude, in my opinion.

I don't know what you mean by 'entitled', it doesn't sound as though your friend said anything indicating she felt she was entitled to anything.

What she does sound like is quite scatty, a little absent minded and sometimes preoccupied.

The important thing is that the kids love the toys!

I'd get on to the supplier and complain about there being no note inside saying who bought the toys and for whom. That is bad. If you complain hard enough you might even get a partial refund or free gift!

I'm sorry you didn't get the thanks that you hoped for at the time. How nice of you to give such a generous gift (I'm dying to know what it was!)

FWIW, a lot of parcels I get these days (I have family overseas so they send lots of Christmas presents for DD) come without any gift note in the packaging, or any indication of the sender's name. It makes it very difficult for me to tell which sister it's from, but it's not my fault or their fault, just the way many sellers handle things, unfortunately.

I wouldn't feel comfortable putting a picture on Facebook or texting round to all my friends to find out the sender--it might look too much like I'm bragging about what my kids got, I'm afraid. And how would I know that some CF wouldn't say "Yes, it was my generous gift!" when actually they had nothing to do with it?

I'm afraid others are probably correct that the best course for you is to text the recipient in advance next time and let them know you've ordered something you expect to be delivered around X date that is meant for Christmas. This could also help resolve problems more quickly if the parcel goes undelivered

I can see how this happened. Mother probably assumed your friend had ordered them herself and was being helpful by unpacking them. Friend then assumed mother bought them, or vaguely wondered about it and then forgot. Texting round everyone to ask if they'd bought them could have been rude in itself - it almost implies that they would have been expected to buy a present, and a large one at that? So I can see why she didn't dig into their origins. However, she should have said thank you properly once she did know! But, depending on how she said it, she may have thought she was saying thank you by telling them they loved them, even without the words.

Was it a significantly larger gift than you've bought them before? It sounds like she was a bit surprised at the whole thing.

How big were the gifts OP?

All very odd though just a strange situation altogether

@alaskanOilBaron

Perfect response and all angst dealt with. I do appreciate though, sometimes it is hard for some people. So as an alternative, never, ever get her kids a present again OP. It is not appreciated.

How old are her twins? I was a wreck for the first two years - I did not notice lots of things! But I do think its very rude once you told her that she did not thank you. Although to be honest - I did despair internally when people bought large items - especially two of them - you have so much stuff with twins taking up floor space that my heart sank when large items arrived. But I would always still be polite and thank them as he giver never understood the issue they had treated.

I think she could well have been running around getting ready for Christmas at the time and didn't have the headspace to remember to look into the arrival of the toys.

What @Findingthingstough18 said.