This is odd and entitled isn’t it?

[Fusioluxe]

I bought a friend with twins two large wooden toys for her children for Christmas. Not cheap and I knew they would be liked. I had them delivered straight to her as they were big. Tracking showed they arrived.

Christmas came and went and I heard nothing so I ventured to ask her today whether she had ever received them. Her reply “Oh, were they from you?”

No thanks, no “oh the mystery is solved!”, but she did say the twins love them.

It seems that they arrived before Christmas, she was out, her mother was in, mother opened the parcel straight away and put the toys in the nursery, and got rid of the packaging. There was supposed to be a note in with them saying Merry Christmas from me but if it was there it wasnt looked at and thrown away.

I asked my friend hadn't she wondered where the toys were from when she had arrived home and saw them. She said no! 😲

Please tell me I’m not being unreasonable by thinking that isn’t normal behaviour!

[Jezebel101]

When a relative of mine was getting married I asked what she wanted in the way of gifts and she asked for vouchers for a particular departments store (a very upmarket one). I love her dearly and got her 500 worth of vouchers and dropped them round a few weeks before the wedding in case she wanted to use them to buy any last minute wedding stuff.

Anyway when I went in I tried handing the gift envelope to her but she was holding something and asked me to drop it on the shelf and said, thanks. I expected her to open it and wanted to see her happiness when she realized how much I'd spent. She didn't, so off I went after a cup of tea, expecting her to get in touch when she noticed how much was in it. She never mentioned it again, all I got was that half hearted 'Thanks'. Now I know I got a thanks, and that should be enough. But I'm still a bit hurt that the generosity wasn't acknowledged, and I know that makes me shallow and the giving is meant to be enough and all that. But if I was expecting 200 and someone gave me 500, you can bet your backside that I'd be going out of my way to let them know how grateful I am.

That was nine years ago and it still grates a bit. The moral of the story is always remember your manners when someone is generous to you or risk appearing entitled and ungrateful. Like the woman in the OP. It doesn't matter if she had room or not, the fact that someone went out of their way to be generous wasn't acknowledged, and that's just plain old bad manners.

[Aaaahfuck]

It's really weird her mum opened the parcels especially near Christmas time. Even if you did that you would keep them aside until the twins mum got in to ask if they were for Christmas. I'd also check the packaging to find out who/where they were from. Really strange! Is she often like this?

[Fusioluxe]

2isur2isubicurtis4me, that was probably it then. The silly thing is if she had bothered to look at the packaging she could have sent them back.

[Fusioluxe]

Aaaahfuck, she buys a LOT online and seems extremely organised about it, often returning stuff etc.

Space is not an issue but i hadn’t thought about what 2isur2 said about trapped fingers and pulled rugs and tipping each off them.

She could have returned them though.

[busyhonestchildcarer]

Depends how busy her life is I suppose

[goodomens830]

You're over thinking it.

[AllMYSmellySocks]

I can imagine not noticing or chasing it up although it's a bit odd grandma opened it and just put it out (wouldn't she have thought it might be a Christmas present?). AT Christmas DC get so many new things it could get lost but she should have been more grateful once she realised.

[elephantinstripeysocks]

i think your friend is lying as she forgot to thank you and feels awkward.

i know nobody who would open and build something that comes in December. especially not in someone elses house. For all grandma knew DF could have bought it for her DC. Next time you see grandma at a function I would make a joke out of it and bring it up. Bet she knows nothing about it.

[Aridane]

'I find it very strange that you would order an unexpected Christmas presents direct from the supplier to a friends house - I understand they were big but that is just plain weird.

Eh? Why wouldn't you? Are you supposed to order from Amazon to your address and then repost it?

[pepperjack]

Bloody hell
She just felt bad cos she hadn’t thanked you so made up a story that her mum opened them.

[BumbleBeee69]

I think your 'Friend' is a selfish entitled rude weirdo, and the bullshit about her Mother opening up two large parcels at Christmas time, building them and chucking them in the play room is also a crock of shit.

I wouldn't be sending anything again, like ever.

[Ilovemypantry]

Perhaps she thought Santa had dropped them off early 🤔

[ARandomPoster]

My guess would be the boxes were addressed to the children so each got the correct gift - your friend didn't know they were from you because you hadn't told her the yellow rocking giraffe is for Tilly and the green rocking dinosaur is for Tommy? And the boxes would have been huge and difficult to handle for an older lady? And she would have had two of these to get safely inside without allowing the children to escape? And there would have been no way she could have hidden them from the 2 children, given the size of them and the fact the children probably saw them being delivered.

And most almost 3 year olds I know, and have known, would have been fascinated by the boxes alone, never mind possible contents. And between 2 of them probably made a good attempt to get them open. So it's not really all that surprising that Granny would have allowed the children to open boxes addressed to them, to avoid spending the whole day saying "No, don't touch" and chasing them away from the boxes and soothing the inevitable frustration that would cause.

And close to Christmas the Twins' mum probably had an awful lot on her plate and figured that eventually the giftee would reveal themself, which you did.

Try not to get stressed over it or take it too much to heart. A thank you would have been nice but perhaps she put something on FB around Christmas day saying "thank you everyone for Tilly & Timmy's lovely gifts" and thought that covered it.

Maybe next year go with something smaller that you can gift wrap & tag yourself, then post directly to the parent along with a text along the lines of "Am posting a Peppa and a George Pig lunch box for Tilly and Timmy's nursery packups. They should be there by Friday, please let me know they arrive safely."

[Fusioluxe]

Would they have had to have been built then? I never thought of that 🤭

[Sb74]

Not sure where this is op to as read only part of thread but I don’t think your friend is that rude! I don’t think it’s her fault the boxes were opened before Christmas as it wasn’t made obvious not to open them. They have had lots of deliveries themselves and thought it was an order they had placed. The presents wouldn’t have been wrapped so again weird on your part. It’s your own fault you didn’t make it clear you had sent something. I would imagine life is pretty busy at Christmas for them esp with twins so they didn’t have time to track down who they were from. They were probably waiting for you to call to solve the mystery. So tbh think it’s your behaviour that’s a bit odd. Communicate better!! I think saying the twins liked them is a thank you!

[Sb74]

• I meant they may have had lots of deliveries.

[Sb74]

Read some more op posts ... maybe when you told your friend to expect deliveries she wasn’t paying attention because she was exhausted or distracted by her twins etc etc. I think a lack of communication from yourself is key here. You could have text with expected delivery date. Maybe she is struggling with twins hence help from her mum. You may not know full story! Nice presents though.

[Tigger001]

@Aridane yes that is exactly what I would do, get it delivered to my house, wrap it, then take it round. And if I had to repost something that big that would need someone to be in to take delivery, I would ring and say "I'm getting the babies presents delivered on ......(such a day) is that convenient, would you be in.??" Rather than having 2 rockers arrive on a day they weren't expecting.
But as I have said it was obviously coming from a lovely place in her mind and the kids loved them

[toffeeghirlinatwirl]

If a friend of mine had been so thoughtful and kind OP, I would have been so thankful. FWIW, we lived in a small two bed terrace when my children were toddlers.
Tandem pram had to “live” in the living room - that small a house!

Here’s my entitled anecdote: still galls me over 18 years later. At that time, DSis and I both had two young children and money was tight. DB & SIL had not long had their first baby. DM was forever entering competions on behalf of us all. Bless her, she spent more in stamps than she ever won! We were all together one day and DSis had mentioned how her clothes dryer had broken and what a PITA it was traipsing the launderette with 2 young ones in tow. (No cen heating). DB piped up, “oh that reminds me. How strange is this - someone bought a dryer for us just before DFB was born. It was delivered directly to us.”
My DM realised she had entered us all in a comp a couple of months earlier to win said model of dryer. “Oh we assumed MIL had bought us it but forgot to ask her.” Was his reply. Entitled little shit. Poor mum was so upset knowing how much we were struggling yet her, comfortably off, son had won the prize. I don’t think she ever did any more comps on their behalf and she never won anything big again.

[manicmij]

Definitely YANBU. Who receives two large gifts and doesn't query where and who they are from. Must have too much stuff in the first place to not bother to question such gifts.

[Larrythecat]

I think it went like this:
Mum received parcels and pictures were visible on the outside of the box. She then thinks it couldn't be Father Christmas present because you could see what was inside (not realising that many parcels arrive this way nevertheless). She opened and put them in the nursery / playroom.

OP's friend arrived and had an argument about where they came from and why she had opened them, since it was a present from family or friends to be opened at Christmas. OP's friend is overwhelmed and crossed, the presents have brought a big argument before Christmas and got an awkward atmosphere for the holidays. OP's friend didn't ask around because it was awkward but was hoping someone would claim them.

For the whole duration of the Christmas break, OP asked her visitors about the rockers or waited to see if anyone mentioned them. The conversation kept bringing up the argument with the mum, which wasn't nice.
Eventually, OP mentioned and OP's friend realised it was from her. Now, she probably thought they were cute and the children loved them, hence the "the twins loved them" but in the back of her kind there was this argument with her mum and the whole awkward situation, so her subconscious stopped from saying "thank you" because it was busy remembering the trouble they caused, but she did like them because the children liked them, so that's why she said that. In her mind, she probably thinks that she has said thank you and would be puzzled if you questioned.

My very wild guess that makes all parts plausible

[Catsinthecupboard]

How is someone supposed to find out? It would be considered cf to call people and say, "did you send me a gift?"

What is the proper response?

[Legohell]

Catsinthecupboard Go in the garage and look for the note!

(If no note, ring the company. Unless the gist has been sent anonymously (requested) they will tell you.)

[Earthakitty]

Very rude behaviour. Learn from it and don't waste your money again. I cannot bear ingratitude and behaviour of this sort. Her kids must be thoroughly spoilt for her to just dismiss this lovely gesture.

[Motherontheedge1]

My husband received a gift through the post for his birthday a couple of years ago. We had no idea who from. I asked on Facebook to try and find out. My husband rang the company who’d sent it. Due to data protection they couldn’t say who had ordered it. We did everything we could to find out who the sender was but to no avail. It bothers us both to think the sender hasn’t been thanked. I think it’s inexcusable of your friend and odd that she didn’t wonder where the toys had come from. Maybe she believes in Santa still.