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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

This is odd and entitled isn’t it?

197 replies

Fusioluxe · 11/01/2019 14:04

I bought a friend with twins two large wooden toys for her children for Christmas. Not cheap and I knew they would be liked. I had them delivered straight to her as they were big. Tracking showed they arrived.

Christmas came and went and I heard nothing so I ventured to ask her today whether she had ever received them. Her reply “Oh, were they from you?”

No thanks, no “oh the mystery is solved!”, but she did say the twins love them.

It seems that they arrived before Christmas, she was out, her mother was in, mother opened the parcel straight away and put the toys in the nursery, and got rid of the packaging. There was supposed to be a note in with them saying Merry Christmas from me but if it was there it wasnt looked at and thrown away.

I asked my friend hadn't she wondered where the toys were from when she had arrived home and saw them. She said no! 😲

Please tell me I’m not being unreasonable by thinking that isn’t normal behaviour!

OP posts:

bourbonbiccy · 11/01/2019 16:01

I would take they comment " the kids love them" as a thank you. If she is a close friend what has been get response once you gave mentioned you expire annoyed at no thank you ?

Sorry that should read

I would take the comment of "the kids loved them" as a thank you. If she is a close friend, what has been her response once you mentioned you are annoyed at a no thank you

Bobaboutwhat · 11/01/2019 16:15

Would my Mum open MY parcel and place them in My home? No bloody way!
Would I be accepting of her doing this? Absolutely not, but I know she would never do that.
Would I check the packaging to try and find out where it came from? Errr.... Why the hell would anyone NOT do this!
Sorry missing point of thread but this gave me the rage!
YES - Your friends reaction was very odd and bloody rude.

adaline · 11/01/2019 16:15

Why did you not text her or chase it up once they'd shown as delivered?

livefornaps · 11/01/2019 16:20

I think it's really weird her mum was opening parcels at all but especially in the run up to Christmas! What if it had been a Santa present ordered by your friend?!

And then to put them out without saying anything?

I would feel let down after going to that effort

RLABC · 11/01/2019 16:33

bertiesgal

Would quietly despair if someone sent us 2 large wooden toys. The toy room is fit to burst as it is Would you not even say thank you to the sender though?

Original poster

Fusioluxe · 11/01/2019 16:35

Sorry, just catching up. Haven’t read everyone’s points yet.

I presume there was a note inside but they didn’t look. The mother put the packaging in the garage and when I asked my friend had they checked it for a note she said no!

The gifts were two animal rockers. Very nice ones. Space isn’t a problem in their house. Granted, she may not have liked them but that was no reason to not find out where they came from. She could have sent them back!

OP posts:

zzzzz · 11/01/2019 16:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Looneytune253 · 11/01/2019 16:43

It does seem an odd situation but tbh I would be over the moon if a gift had been loved so much (esp since you know she would tell u if they didn’t like it too). I also don’t think the words thank you are important if she started gushing about the pressies once she realised it was from you.

Findingthingstough18 · 11/01/2019 16:44

Tbh I think 'mum unpacked them' is probably a white lie. She did it, thought 'where the fuck did these come from?', didn't have any easy way of finding it and promptly forgot about it. She knows that sounds terrible and ungrateful so added in the mum unpacking them bit.

CousinKrispy · 11/01/2019 16:45

I think the key problem might be that you "presume" there was a note in the packaging--Amazon was a nightmare about that this year, as a couple of us have stated. Your supplier might have been better, but I don't think you should assume that your friend was at fault.

It was lovely of you to send a gift, next time just don't trust that the supplier will include the right notification, and give the recipient a heads-up.

Also she may well think that "the twins enjoy them" was indeed a thank-you. It may be that the only reason she didn't say that earlier was that she had no way of knowing it was from you.

My daughter loves her animal rocker, won't let me get rid of it, and our house is not large, so I won't make any assumptions about whether the gift was welcome or not!

Sassenach85 · 11/01/2019 16:45

Yes I definitely doubt the story about the mum opening them!

dontgobaconmyheart · 11/01/2019 16:47

I'd probably not extend the energy to fall out over it but yes I do think it's weird, and rude OP, if you're texting anyway, why on earth wouldn't you be courteous and say thank you, they don't sound the cheapest of gifts! I'd have messaged to say I'd ordered them at the time though, let her know parcels are an route etc.

With that said I certainly wouldn't bother next year or again. If they've so much stuff reasonably large expensive toys are arriving and nobody even really blinks let alone says a proper thanks, i think theyve probably got enough . I'd save it next year, send a card and gift charitably to some of the many children who receive nothing

Original poster

Fusioluxe · 11/01/2019 16:58

Twins are nearly three (next month) for those asking

OP posts:

SaturdayNext · 11/01/2019 17:00

The mother put the packaging in the garage and when I asked my friend had they checked it for a note she said no!

Didn't you ask her why? I would.

Original poster

Fusioluxe · 11/01/2019 17:03

The rockers were from Jojo Maman. I’ve always had a note in with anything I’ve bought but yes, they could have forgotten.

It hadn’t occurred to me that the story about the mother opening them might not be true. It seemed honest to me because she said it so easily without any hesitation.

OP posts:

Original poster

Fusioluxe · 11/01/2019 17:04

SaturdayNext, I should have done! Bit late now I think!

OP posts:

greedygorb · 11/01/2019 17:06

I smell a load of old fishy bollocks. I expect she just forgot to thank you and instead of owning up and saying- 'Shit, sorry I meant to text you. . Been rushed off my feet. Really sorry and thanks a million' she's come up with this elaborate tale. Some people just cannot accept responsibility for anything no matter how minor.

OutPinked · 11/01/2019 17:09

Weird that her mum opened her post. I know it’s unlikely in such a large box but it could have been something you definitely wouldn’t want your Mother seeing!

Not weird that she had no idea it was from you if gift slip was thrown away with packaging by the Mother (easily done). Also if her DC have lots of similar toys, your friend might not have even noticed.

She was rude not to say thank you but I wouldn’t take it to heart too much. She showed a certain level of gratitude telling you her DC love them.

Original poster

Fusioluxe · 11/01/2019 17:10

adaline “Why did you not text her or chase it up once they'd shown as delivered?”

Because it was Christmas! I assumed she hadn’t opened them or certainly hadn’t shown the children (until the 25th). Then I thought it was the aftermath of Christmas etc and then it got to January and then I asked today just in case it had t really been delivered.

OP posts:

MLMsuperfan · 11/01/2019 17:13

If you want to be thanked in a particular way, don't bother giving the gift. That's my view.

RLABC · 11/01/2019 17:14

Were they like this OP?

www.jojomamanbebe.co.uk/d9097.html

If so, I think you were very generous (especially as you bought two!) and I don't think they're too big to store at all. She's incredibly rude for not thanking you and I would definitely think twice before spending out on her children again.

Oh, and now it's been mentioned, I'm disinclined to believe that her mother opened them up and just put them out to play on. Too close to Christmas for any normal person to do that without asking first.

Jaxhog · 11/01/2019 17:23

Some people are like that! I once bought a 'donate towards a goat' present for a friend of mine. It was only when I asked her if she'd liked it, that she looked and realised it wasn't just another christmas card. She was apologetic though!

Original poster

Fusioluxe · 11/01/2019 17:25

MLMsuperfan, fucksake! I didn’t want to be thanked “in a particular way “. But I wasn’t told they’d even arrived or had any thanks at all lol!

OP posts:

Bloomini · 11/01/2019 17:25

Our life is mental right now. I honestly think that some people have no idea how little time some mums have.

What a load of rubbish. You've just got no manners if you cannot be arsed to thank someone for their kindness in giving your children a gift. Entitled, rude, lazy, ill-mannered and ungrateful which is no doubt what the kids of such parents will end up like too.

I know people with several sets of twins and more in their family who would be mortified if they'd not even thanked the sender of a gift or found out who it was from. All this bollocks about having little time, being on Mumsnet doesn't count of course.

I wouldn't be buying any gifts for them again OP. YANBU.

NewNameNewGame19 · 11/01/2019 17:27

Why would she open her daughters parcel?

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