to think life would have been easier if we had had girls instead

[beclev24]

We have 3 DS's ages 8, 5 and 1. They are all lovely boys individually, - funny, kind, curious and well behaved and doing well at school etc, but parentting/ family life is a constant struggle. The older two fight constantly about everything and nothing. It sometimes turns physical. When thety play together it is always some very boisterous play fighting type game that ends with someone getting hurt or somethting getting broken very quickly. Family life seems to be a constant round of explosive tantrums or arguments, refereeing between them, dealing with 'big feelings' and rivalry or saying "no stop!" as they get into ever more boisterous play.

I think we are pretty good parents- or at least we do all the stuff you are meant to do. We spend time with them individually and together. WE play, read, do crafts, baking etc with them. We set boundaries, give consequences, listen to their feelings, praise their good behavior etc etc. But we can almost never relax in our own home even for a few minutes when they are around and seem to lurch from one crisis to another.. Our friends wtih girls seem to have a much easier time with kids who play nicely/ together/ can be calm etc. IS this an illusion? Is there a big gender difference in your experience? Do you have girls and have a life like ours? I am struggling to cope tbh.

It’s an illusion. Siblings of both sexes fight and bicker with each other. My daughters can really wind each other up, although they can also be very affectionate and loving to each other.

Illusion. my 2 boys are very active but nice to each other. a friends 3 girls are lovely 1 to 1 and stuff for nightmares when together (scratching, biting, being mean, you name it.

Nope. I have 3 girls. My house sounds like your house.

Yura may be a friend of mine!

Absolute illusion. You can have my 2 DDS for the afternoon as proof

One of each and they’re very physical with each other. Yours sound completely normal

Not true, My sister use to
constantly
attack me growing up. We dont speak
now shes very unpleasant.

The illusion is partly becayse girls are socialised to behave in a certain way in public. I can confirm behind closed doors it’s all “stop copying me! Stop copying me! Mum she hit my arm! I did not!” Etc

I have 2 boys and they are exactly the same, can't even look at each other without an argument. Yet my friend who has 2 girls say they get on great and rarely argue. I do think mine is because I have a small age gap (20 months) as my friends with bigger gaps don't seem to argue as much

thanks v much- its actually good to know that it's normal and not a gender thing in a way- at least ehtre's hope then that it could change with ttime. THose with girls- are they very boisterous when togehter- eg rough and tumble/ constant wrestling and play fighting?

My sister and I hated each other as kids. Any time we were alone we would nip and goad at each other until it got physical and we would grab the nearest weapon (fire poker was her favourite) and battle it out until the screams drew mum’s attention.

I don't think it makes any difference tbh.

I have 4 girls the two teenagers fight like cat and dog and always have and the two youngest are very close and play together but believe me they have their moments 

Another one to say illusion. I have DSs aged 5 and 7 and they generally play for hours with the occasional argument but never the kind of boisterous play or fighting to the point of breaking things that you describe. We have over the years been very hot on kindness, gentle play, never an acceptance of "boys will be boys" (not saying you do this but many people I know seem to excuse bad behaviour in boys by seeming to expect it from them as they are "just being boys"). But I think we got lucky that our boys like each other and get on well. Whereas friends' daughters hate each other for no apparent reason and can't be left alone without hair pulling and scratching.

But pride goeth before a fall...Now I have boasted about my sons I bet I will be on here lamenting about them fighting before the year is out!!

The grass is always greener OP

Btw I have two boys. They used to torture each other. They get along very well now. It was a slog to get here but life is much more peaceful.

I had 6 ds's in 9 years , never much bother.
Had 2 dd's a year apart..
Oh my fucking days....

Illusion. Me and my brother used to argue at literally everything and be so physical towards each other.. How we didn't end with broken bones I never know.

My ds and my sister are very close in age. And they are awful.. Just like siblings. But aparantly at school they're brilliant. I'm glad I have a 13 Yr gap between mine with a teen and an under 1yr old lol

@ilovemaxbondi what changed?? Did anything you do help?? what age did change start to happen? any hope or details you can give to a drowning woman? Thankyou!!

No I don't think so. I grew up in an all girl household - it wasn't all colouring in and painting each others nails. At one point we weren't allowed on the same floor of the house at the same time. My poor parents.

eg rough and tumble/ constant wrestling and play fighting

No wrestling but they pull hair, pinch, bite, snatch toys etc and will hit out at each other.

My children also have small age gaps. It hasn’t made things better here. In fact those with bigger age gaps seem to have it easier (undoubtedly another illusion).

@xiaoxiong I think we are also very hot on gentle play etc, but it doesn't seem to stick att all. I am constantly surprised and alarmed at their physicality! But maybe I am encouraging it in ways i don't see. How do you enforce/ discourage thtis kind of behavior?

There's is a malcom in the middle episode where the mum imagines she had had girls and not boys.

By the end of the episode shes decided that although girls don't misbehave in the same way, they are more trouble then boys.

I think it's luck of the draw. I have two male cousins who are and have always been best friends. Shared a room by choice as kids, rarely argued. Shared a flat for a bit as adults. Now they're grown up with their own partners but still see each other lots and are close.

My brother and I fought like cats and dogs all through our childhood and our relationship is still difficult.

I have 3 children DS 1 -13 DD2 -10 DS 3-5

They fight , argue , shout non stop! Except now actually . They drive me mad , DS 1 and DS 3 physically fight with DS 5 being a right monkey for scratching! I also feel I'm a good parent but I can not stop them! I figure it's all part of sibling life! Hated mine till my 20's!

I have 4 girls ranging from 4 - 14. They don't fight physically (much), but they constantly bicker, screech at each other and usually scream. They have to be separated regularly. It is exhausting and miserable at times. Feel for you OP.