to think life would have been easier if we had had girls instead

[beclev24]

We have 3 DS's ages 8, 5 and 1. They are all lovely boys individually, - funny, kind, curious and well behaved and doing well at school etc, but parentting/ family life is a constant struggle. The older two fight constantly about everything and nothing. It sometimes turns physical. When thety play together it is always some very boisterous play fighting type game that ends with someone getting hurt or somethting getting broken very quickly. Family life seems to be a constant round of explosive tantrums or arguments, refereeing between them, dealing with 'big feelings' and rivalry or saying "no stop!" as they get into ever more boisterous play.

I think we are pretty good parents- or at least we do all the stuff you are meant to do. We spend time with them individually and together. WE play, read, do crafts, baking etc with them. We set boundaries, give consequences, listen to their feelings, praise their good behavior etc etc. But we can almost never relax in our own home even for a few minutes when they are around and seem to lurch from one crisis to another.. Our friends wtih girls seem to have a much easier time with kids who play nicely/ together/ can be calm etc. IS this an illusion? Is there a big gender difference in your experience? Do you have girls and have a life like ours? I am struggling to cope tbh.

Definitely an illusion! My sister and didn’t often physically fight but she would goad me until I lashed out at her, we argued loads and are NC as adults

I’m a Brownie leader and it’s quite common for parents to ask us to keep their daughters apart to keep the peace (we always put sisters in different groups anyway).

I agree with everyone here. All the kids are different. I have 2 girls and 1 boy. Very similar age. 7, 4.5, 2 approx. The older 2 are constantly on each other's case. And the little boy is a daredevil always getting in trouble or hurting himself. Thankfully my older 2 love watching movies so we put a good movie on for everyone at the week-end for some peace and quiet. Unfortunately the little boy doesn't have much interest for it yet but he will watch some of it. At least they are (mostly) quiet!

I have 2 dc, ds is almost 16 and dd is almost 8.
Ds has Aspergers and dd is NT.

She is by far the hardest to parent out of the two of them.
Girls are bloody hard work.

When I found out that I was having a girl the first thing my dad said to me was "payback"

I would loved to have had mine closer in age or even more dc but it wasn't meant to be. I fully embrace what I've got and wouldn't swop them for all the money in the world though it would be tempting!

I have 3 boys and a girl and they're a nightmare when they're all together. The older 2 vie for the support of the younger 2 and then they make teams, then the older 2 will make up and turn on the younger 2. I am found found in the kitchen just desperately trying to ignore the lot of them and I've lost track of the time I've gone full Sargent Major on them and bellowed that they need to all find a separate part of the house to exist in away from each other because I won't listen to another second of the chaos.

I have several children of both genders and they are all as bad as each other. My eldest daughter is by far the most rowdy and biggest handful.

Isthisit01

There's is a malcom in the middle episode where the mum imagines she had had girls and not boys.

By the end of the episode shes decided that although girls don't misbehave in the same way, they are more trouble then boys.

I came on to say exactly this!

OP, I have 3 boys, they are bloody hard work but a lot of fun. They fight horribly but also play for hours together. They like nothing more than a good bicker but they also have a real pack mentality and stick up for each other. They’re very loyal. I treat them like puppies - looooong walks (I should be skinny), plenty of running around, lots of good healthy food, regular toileting and loads of love and discipline.

Don’t get me wrong: I’d have been happy with either girls or boys but I do (mostly) really enjoy my pack of boys.

4 girls here. Some occasional squabbling but never anything physical. Mostly they get on fine. Oldest 2 are very close and still choose to sleep together if given the chance. Think it's just personality that determines it as in every respect they differ wildly from one another.

agree it is very much down to personalities (and parenting). My eldest is very calm and very gentle. My youngest does his own thing and doesn't pay much attention to what is going on around, which means the middle one, who is pretty rough and fighty, doesn't get the chance to be his natural boisterous self often I sometimes feel a bit sorry for him but like the calm house!

My best friend was 1 of 5 sisters.
She always tells childhood tales and they always involve some serious fighting!

Girls are the same!

Haven’t read the full thread but OP - I really do object to some heavy gender stereotyping in your original post. Your kids are individuals with personalities not predominantly determined by their sex unless you raise them that way.

I have 3 sons with the same gaps as you. Now 13.5 10.5 and 6. The older two have never fought physically in their lives and have overwhelmingly got on better than I could ever have hoped chatting incessantly until eldest reached puberty and started seeming older and more detached. Youngest threw a bomb into the peaceful household once he could walk and talk. They are 3 boys but the only obvious things they share are dark hair, being reasonably academic and having male genitalia. Only the last would be related to their Y chromosome.

I can tell you my experience of girls (13 and 17)...

Yes they fight
Door slamming
Filthy bedrooms
Showers and mirrors monopolised from 7-8:40 in the morning as am trying to get ready for work
Drama queen behaviour
They go through hair conditioner like there's no tomorrow

They can also be lovely to each other
One thing I come down hard on is any kind if bitchiness. I just won't tolerate that and thankfully, for whatever reason, they don't do it
They are very tactile (though I know of friends' sons who are too)
They're complex and that's interesting, albeit hard work - though I think boys are equally complex but less 'out there' about it
Girls have been conditioned to show emotions so at least I known what mine are feeling- more with dd2 than dd1 to be fair

I don't know if there's less physicality. Even if this is the case, they may be more verbal in their aggression and am not sure refereeing this is any easier tbh.

To be honest, I think it's hard no matter what you have. Perhaps just hard in a different way ...

I have two DDs. Three years apart in age. I have to say that I'm really lucky and they don't fight much at all, the odd argument, but nothing physical.

I do believe that for the most part it's boys who bring the physical element of fighting into the mix. My brother and I used to fight like cat and dog when we were small. My friend has three boys, similar ages to my girls and they are definitely more boisterous and more likely to have a full blown punch up. Although I think it's the younger one who is mainly in instigator. On their own the older two probably wouldn't be nearly as bad.

On the whole I think boys are more physical, but it's down to personality as much as anything.

Oh yes 3dds are easy... (sarcasm)

Op, my dtds are 7. One week dd1 (10) and dtd1 (7) both had a tooth come out and a tooth fairy visit. Dtd2 pulled out a molar that is due to come out age 11! Dds are competitive and competitive nuts!

Discussion on GMB about play fighting this morning. MN thread mentioned.

My DDs favourite thing to play is wrestling. Girls can be just as physical and then you’ve got the drama too. All kids are bloody hard work

My two DDs are currently playing Lego very nicely together. Within 10 mins I can almost guarantee that they'll be screaming because the littlest is bouncing on the biggest or the biggest will be wrestling the littlest to the ground to snatch something from her.

My two girls (9 &5) always 'play' fight and wrestle. Which always leads to the eldest being hurt and youngest running to us crying even though she is fine just trying get her sister in to trouble. I am sick of being a referee. Your not alone x

I once read a pop psychology book that said children who don't fight can trigger alarm bells as it can mean they don't feel safe at home eg feel they have to protect each other as nobody is protecting them. Could be bollocks but I try and remind myself of this when mine have been screeching at each other relentlessly for a day! It's just because you're a good parent 😂

I've an older boy and younger girl and it's fucking hard

They don't like any of the same things - activities, friends, films, food - you name it, they're polar opposites

I have a photo of 3 yo DS wrestling 6 month old DD and her looking utterly terrified

Pretty much the same 12 years on

Constantly protecting her and stopping him from lashing out at her goading

Mixed siblings is tough too!!!!

My friend has 3 girls. He said it's an absolute nightmare. They fight all the time. He and his wife take it in turns to walk out of the house for a break because they get so stressed by it.

.... should say before anyone calls SS that DS never hurts her

Grit your teeth and get through it as you will never experience the sheer hell of a teenage girl. Game changer.

Really Beclav???

You probably aren't serious, If you are be around a teenage girl (or two) for the day.

Anyway, I had noticed quite a number of times that many people comment that having boys is easier (what they actually mean is boys don't get pregnant!!!)

This thread makes me feel better that dd is an only!

I have friends with 3 girls. We went on holiday with them and I was worried because I thought theirs would be good as gold and just colour. We have one DS. In fact it was a revelation- no boisterous physical play but girls have more strops and lots of negotiation of fairness/ arguements etc.
We had a lovely time but it just goes to show girls aren’t easy either. Having one is quite nice