to think life would have been easier if we had had girls instead

[beclev24]

We have 3 DS's ages 8, 5 and 1. They are all lovely boys individually, - funny, kind, curious and well behaved and doing well at school etc, but parentting/ family life is a constant struggle. The older two fight constantly about everything and nothing. It sometimes turns physical. When thety play together it is always some very boisterous play fighting type game that ends with someone getting hurt or somethting getting broken very quickly. Family life seems to be a constant round of explosive tantrums or arguments, refereeing between them, dealing with 'big feelings' and rivalry or saying "no stop!" as they get into ever more boisterous play.

I think we are pretty good parents- or at least we do all the stuff you are meant to do. We spend time with them individually and together. WE play, read, do crafts, baking etc with them. We set boundaries, give consequences, listen to their feelings, praise their good behavior etc etc. But we can almost never relax in our own home even for a few minutes when they are around and seem to lurch from one crisis to another.. Our friends wtih girls seem to have a much easier time with kids who play nicely/ together/ can be calm etc. IS this an illusion? Is there a big gender difference in your experience? Do you have girls and have a life like ours? I am struggling to cope tbh.

Yeah sorry OP another to say it's an illusion I have a Dsis and it was just us and we were vile to each other (granted we don't have a good relationship now either but that's adult stuff)

I have two ds and they do rough play and get told for it but they so far are definately less nasty to each other than my sister and I were

Yes, I agree it's all socialisation.

I have one of each. My son is 20. He has never been any bother; into performance arts; very creative; doesn't fight; not really ever argued back.

Daughter is a teenager. She's not really ever any bother either but she's very full of energy and has to be exercised daily to keep her energy levels under control.

She is definitely the sort of child who would have run around restaurants if she'd been allowed.

And that's the difference. Behaviours are often permitted/accepted/tolerated in boys that wouldn't be in girls.

I wouldn't bank on it, my daughter is harder work than my two sons

If you raise your girls properly without shoving gender expectations down their throats there’s no difference

My H is an actual wrestler in his spare time so you can imagine what my house is like with two boys even with a seven year age gap!
We have a massive bed which is basically a wrestling ring. I’m so glad our neighbours have had three kids themselves so they understand. If they haven’t wrestled for a while it gets to the point where they are bickering. It seems to help them work it out.

My nephew rarely sees his dad and he’s always desperate for rough and tumble with my H when he sees him. I just sit quietly downstairs 😊

Teenage girls are harder work in my experience. They can use their psychological astuteness against you! ☺️

I have 3 boys. Our theory is that we can have a peaceful time with 2 children - any 2. Once the third returns, that's when the problems start!!

My mum always said the same about us (3 girls). She was right, three was definitely a crowd! That’s why I’ve stopped at two, in the hope they’ll be more civilized than we were (we were like rabid dogs at times!) I have two DDs and one is quiet and well behaved, DD2 is a live wire and although she’s too young to judge just yet, I imagine she’ll be just as boisterous as any boy. It’s nothing to do with sex IMO. Hang in There OP!

OP can you find them some activities which might focus their energy and physicality?
Perhaps a martial arts club, or a clip-&-climb activity or something?
Even a trampoline - when my DCs get too hyper we separate them and send them each to do 100 bounces on the trampoline.

Oh and myself and my two sisters’ favourite Saturday morning activity was watching WWF wrestling and practicing the moves on each other until someone ended up screaming/bleeding! Girls can be JUST as physical if not socially conditioned.

We have two girls and our life is exactly as you describe yours. This might not be the case for all or even most girls, but given that it sounds like all your boys are towards that end of the "active" spectrum, may be more likely that any girls you had would be too.

I remember bashing my sister's head of the radiator during a fight when I was around 9 (she was 8 years older)
don't fool yourself girls are less violent.

NoFucksImAQueen
My sister stabbed me with a fork.

@gamer I can well believe it. I used to just see red with my sister. because she was older she was more manipulative in her revenge 😁
I try and remind myself that you have kids and they are all people in their own right but apart from (usually) shared dna they might have nothing in common. me and DH argue and we CHOSE to live together so of course people that didn't chose that but still see each other all the time will argue. it's fair enough really.

My two girls, fucking vicious fighters. My son is the eldest (5) so maybe that’s why beaut he rarely goes for the jugular these days. At 5 and 8 (I’m not there yet so not judging) I would think you need to come down pretty hard on any physical attacks. They’re getting too big for that to be any way acceptable anymore. Can you sit them down and give them a talk on violence and self control. Teach them some techniques and put some rules in place for things that trigger fights. Then come down like a ton of bricks when either uses violence.

Illusion, I think. We've had broken bones from play fighting in this house, and I have one of each!

I think it's a "grass looks greener" situation.

Whenever me and my sister were acting up, my dad always said he "should have had boys".

Yabu. When I was a teenage girl I was a horrendous nightmare and an only child and caused my mum no end of grief.. Enjoy your boys. I have two myself.

Complete illusion... My Bil and Sil are going through this at the moment with their 2 girls (6 &7) they used to play beautifully when they were younger but the last year constant fighting and arguing, when they moved house a couple of years back they gave the girls the option of continuing to share a room or to have their own room and they chose to share, now they are having to have separate rooms due to the constant fights.
Bil and Sil are pretty on it with telling them off etc, but it’s constant.

I've minded many many children and there is a definite difference in behaviour between the sexes.
As a pp says, girls are far more likely to sit and concentrate on something at a much younger age than boys and boys are far far more likely to be careering around.
Obviously it's not black and white but I don't understand the reluctance to acknowledge there is a difference in behaviour between boys and girls

I do agree with this ^ but I'd also say that siblings 'getting along' just because they are girls, is rubbish.
I have b,g,g and they have always fought. they actually tend to wrestle more when they are getting on. The 22 yr old will still greet the 17 yr old by getting her in a headlock and trying to wrestle her to the ground.

I think ok, maybe not when you are 20 but many (most?) dc benefit from physical play. Chuck them out in the garden with a rugby ball whatever their sex, is my thinking. I think people saying they won't tolerate any sort of wrestling are doing their dc a disservice. I agree with CantfindAnotherUserName or previous page. I also think that the overwhelming majority of dc fight (not necessarily physically) - you just don't see it when they are out. People have always actually said my dc are lovely, when they are out and about, whilst I questioned if they were thinking of the right children. Ask any teacher how many times it is said to them in a parents evening (er, have you got the right child ?)

The 22 yr old will still greet the 17 yr old by getting her in a headlock and trying to wrestle her to the ground.

Fucks sake mine are 15 & 12 and I thought it might be coming to an end

2 girls, both active and wrestling fans. Always being told off for running, climbing etc. I have friends with boys are are much less active. I think it's personality. I do think girls are socialised differently. I hate the phrase 'boys will be boys'

Sorry Taffeta!

(Mine might be the exception though - I don't think 'normal' adults do this )

My DD is much more like the boys you describe and much less like the girls
DS on the other hand is very easy going and plays gently
I don't think gender has anything to do with it, but before I had my kids I used to think that it did

I have two boys aged 13 and 9. They get on so well they share a room even though they don’t have to and even sleep in the same bed. They adore each other. I don’t think it is a boy/girl thing; more just that my two have very different but complementary personalities.

I have four boys , the eldest is 10 the youngest 4. They fight, as in argue but it's very rare they properly fight although they argue. Our house is crazy but I'd never ever change it. We play family games of football most nights, there's a trampoline and we go on a lot of long walks. We'd go on sale otherwise. I think it all depends on what type of person you are to be honest- if you want silence and you have kids that are spirited its not faesable to do crafts bake etc and then expect them to sit quietly, you need to let them use up their energy too. Saying that some of the pointers given on stopping the actual fighting (As opposed to just playing/messing) are good. You have boys OP, I'm sure you enjoy every second, just let them show you how they have a good time too!!