to think life would have been easier if we had had girls instead

[beclev24]

We have 3 DS's ages 8, 5 and 1. They are all lovely boys individually, - funny, kind, curious and well behaved and doing well at school etc, but parentting/ family life is a constant struggle. The older two fight constantly about everything and nothing. It sometimes turns physical. When thety play together it is always some very boisterous play fighting type game that ends with someone getting hurt or somethting getting broken very quickly. Family life seems to be a constant round of explosive tantrums or arguments, refereeing between them, dealing with 'big feelings' and rivalry or saying "no stop!" as they get into ever more boisterous play.

I think we are pretty good parents- or at least we do all the stuff you are meant to do. We spend time with them individually and together. WE play, read, do crafts, baking etc with them. We set boundaries, give consequences, listen to their feelings, praise their good behavior etc etc. But we can almost never relax in our own home even for a few minutes when they are around and seem to lurch from one crisis to another.. Our friends wtih girls seem to have a much easier time with kids who play nicely/ together/ can be calm etc. IS this an illusion? Is there a big gender difference in your experience? Do you have girls and have a life like ours? I am struggling to cope tbh.

Children are individuals. It doesn't matter what sex they are, some fight some don't. We've got 2 (now adult) boys who have always been the best of friends. I count myself very lucky on that.

My little brother and I used to fight like cat and dog, but we were and still are (at 30 and 33) very close. We used to have foot fights that would basically involve lying at either end of he bed and kick three barrels out of each other - all fun and games until someone kicked too hard!

I think (as a general rule and OBVIOUSLY there are millions of exceptions to this) young boys can be more boisterous and demanding of attention than girls. That was certainly my experience as a mum of girls only but a childminder of both genders. However it often changes as they age and teenage boys can be (and again there are OBVIOUSLY many, many exceptions to this) less troublesome than teenage girls. So cheer up OP, your time will come.

Depends a lot on the kids too. My ds1 and DS3 are easy going. Ds2 could start an argument with a rock - though he's lovely in other ways!
Ds4 still to be seen...

I do think though that boys often do play rougher hands, whether that's innate or socialised, so it's easier for fights to kick off. Name calling can happen regardless of gender.

I have a boy and a girl but a big age gap.

My friends with two (or more) girls seem to get an easier time of it than those with just boys if I’m honest. They just aren’t as loud and physical and have better concentration spans.

I have twins girls who are 6. They never stop. Full of energy, rough play and my god they tease each other constantly. They're in different classes at school so it's a crescendo when they're reunited after school.

My sister has 3 boys age 5, 4 and 2. When the 5 of them are together it is quite hellish. My girls are no different to her boys.

what changed?? Did anything you do help?

Yes, it was driven by me tbh. I didnt want to say that incase it came across as saying you weren’t parenting well. the biggest change was in how I was dealing with them myself. I’ve completely changed from a stressy shouty reactive mum to something that resembles a calm, in control parent (if that’s possible) my tone is different, my language, I started to pre-empt what might become a clash situation and do distraction, I started talking very honestly with the pair of them about the effect their fighting was having on me and that they had to realise they each shared a home with two other people and had a responsibility to try and make that place a peaceful place for everyone in it. ( I may also have suggested the pets were stressed out by their fighting too ) I have to run out for a bit now but will come back with more.

I have 2 girls (nearly 4 and not long turned 5), it's a complete illusion that girls are easier/play nicely.

There's biting, scratching, lying on each other, pushing, shoving, snatching, name calling etc etc.

They do play nicely and get on, but they also fight like cat and dog.

I have 3 dd's, individually all lovely, together they're moaning, bickering, often fighting, always screaming!!!
can be stressful whatever sex you have sometimes.

I have 2 girls and to be fair they are pretty easy and rarely argue. They enjoy reading and crafts. I appreciate we are lucky!

I have one of each - boy (8) and girl (5) and my DD is far harder work and more challenging than my DS.

They fight and bicker continuously and 99.9% of it is started by DD.

I have two girls and they are always falling out. When they've made friends again they gang up and I'm the enemy. They don't physically fight much but there is some of that.

Although this stuff is a pain in the arse try to remember the shall comfort that every interaction is teaching them about how to be a civilised human being. Eventually.

Illusion. I have a DD and DS who bicker and fight all the time

You think girls are any better?! My sister broke my nose when I was 12 and she was 13! I believe her exact words when she did it was “not so fucking pretty now are ya, ya slag!” We’ve had some massive blow ups before and since but that was the worst. Over a boy 🙄 my friends sister tried to slash her face with a razor blade. After she cut one of her 2 plaits off for a joke.

I don’t think it comes down to the gender of the siblings. Most fight to some degree one way or another. I have one of each who fall out sometimes but nothing major- they’re usually very close. My relative’s boy and girl fight about everything and anything.

I've one of each with 11 years between them and they still fight like cat and dog. 😳

It didnt stop into adulthood with my sister, we went on holiday and she beat me up on holiday when we were 19/20. Girls really arent any better.

Me and my sister used to fight constantly. Same as previous poster said, our parent wouldn't let us in the same room at one point.
We got better when she turned about 17 then we started going out together with friends, at one point we had same friends and she went out with dh round town while I was ill.
So it does get better.
My 2dd are 5 and 1 and already we have screams she's doing this, she's touching that.

beclev24 - wait another year or two. The older one will make a leap of independence at around 10 years where he will have other playdates etc. I know it's bad, but I do not have a great tip other than: tire them out with outdoorsy stuff, long walks, swimming classes etc.

Physical exhaustion is the only thing that really helps with boys in my opinion :)

I would say my two DDs don’t fight much physically or break stuff in the house, but they certainly wind each other up and argue all the time too!

I think it's a personality thing. I know sisters who get on like a dream and sisters who fight. Also the same with brothers.

With 3, I think they are vying for attention amongst each other and also there's a pack mentality with outdoing each other which you don't get individually or even so much as a pair, as in a pair there is usually one more dominant personality. Sometimes both are though which is when sparks fly!

I would recommend a lot of spacing out. They can't fight if they are physically not together. When they start getting ratty, encourage (or make) one (usually the most antagonistic one) move somewhere else and find an activity for them to do.

Also have a zero tolerance approach to the physical stuff. You won't achieve 100% but it will be less than otherwise. You have to make a big deal out of every little poke, slap etc as that leads to the bigger stuff. Use phrases like "We don't do that in this house" "That's not allowed in our family" "Say sorry IMMEDIATELY! You are ABSOLUTELY NOT ALLOWED to kick/punch/pinch" (whatever). Sound shocked that they could do such a thing (even though you've seen it before hundreds of times). Make sure you get an apology from the offending DC and then move them away and only allow them to come back when they can state they will not fight.

It's a drag but it's better than dealing with a bigger fight. Over time, the drip-drip of "not allowed" will seep in a bit more. Not saying you can achieve perfection though

I have three boys, all very close in age. They are in their 20s now. As children they could be boisterous all right, but not to the extent that they would ever hurt each other. I didn't mind the play fighting tbh, they really enjoyed it and I wasn't averse to joining in myself sometimes They've turned out to be lovely, kind, gentle young men who wouldn't dream of fighting anyone so it worked out OK.

Funnily enough, we were chatting about this today. My friend has three daughters, I have one of each and we were discussing them when they were younger. Apparently, siblings just like to fight.

I can't believe people still think this bullshit.

You must be mad op.
Both my boys put together are easier than my 1 daughter.

Maybe when they are little but teenage sisters have some of the worst fights!