to think life would have been easier if we had had girls instead

[beclev24]

We have 3 DS's ages 8, 5 and 1. They are all lovely boys individually, - funny, kind, curious and well behaved and doing well at school etc, but parentting/ family life is a constant struggle. The older two fight constantly about everything and nothing. It sometimes turns physical. When thety play together it is always some very boisterous play fighting type game that ends with someone getting hurt or somethting getting broken very quickly. Family life seems to be a constant round of explosive tantrums or arguments, refereeing between them, dealing with 'big feelings' and rivalry or saying "no stop!" as they get into ever more boisterous play.

I think we are pretty good parents- or at least we do all the stuff you are meant to do. We spend time with them individually and together. WE play, read, do crafts, baking etc with them. We set boundaries, give consequences, listen to their feelings, praise their good behavior etc etc. But we can almost never relax in our own home even for a few minutes when they are around and seem to lurch from one crisis to another.. Our friends wtih girls seem to have a much easier time with kids who play nicely/ together/ can be calm etc. IS this an illusion? Is there a big gender difference in your experience? Do you have girls and have a life like ours? I am struggling to cope tbh.

So fascinating and such a range of experiences . Def think that most of the differences between boys and girls are to do with socialization. Then again- one group is socialized to value fighting/violence/battles and competition (see virtually all boys tv/ books/toys etc) and the other is socialized to people please. It stands to reason that the second group might be ‘easier’ in some ways (although from this thread it sounds like thats not necessarily true. But just because it is socialization rather than hard wired doesn’t mean it isn’t real.

To those who say their girls are not as physical but the emotional drama makes up for it- I feel as though we have CONSTANT emotional drama here too with strops/ tantrums/ mood swings/friendship drama etc. cant imagine it being worse with girls but maybe im deluded!

Sorry but I have a boy and a girl and although there were a few skirmishes - not to the extent you are describing OP and many parents have also testified to here. My two were interested in different things and didn't fight and bicker that much - and now as late teens they very much lead parallel lives. I just don't think they impinged on each other's space or had that much of a rivalry. Maybe because they are different sexes, played differently and saw each other as very different to themselves. The girl came first so I think she also civilised the bit to some degree - he was never a bull in a china shop type boy. My DD was protective of her little brother.

Sorry that's not helpful - but this house was never much of a war zone.

I'd definitely concur that in my and my friend's experience that an older girl/younger boy household seems easier to manage than an older boy/younger girl.

Unless all my friends of course just have easier kids than me!