to think life would have been easier if we had had girls instead

[beclev24]

We have 3 DS's ages 8, 5 and 1. They are all lovely boys individually, - funny, kind, curious and well behaved and doing well at school etc, but parentting/ family life is a constant struggle. The older two fight constantly about everything and nothing. It sometimes turns physical. When thety play together it is always some very boisterous play fighting type game that ends with someone getting hurt or somethting getting broken very quickly. Family life seems to be a constant round of explosive tantrums or arguments, refereeing between them, dealing with 'big feelings' and rivalry or saying "no stop!" as they get into ever more boisterous play.

I think we are pretty good parents- or at least we do all the stuff you are meant to do. We spend time with them individually and together. WE play, read, do crafts, baking etc with them. We set boundaries, give consequences, listen to their feelings, praise their good behavior etc etc. But we can almost never relax in our own home even for a few minutes when they are around and seem to lurch from one crisis to another.. Our friends wtih girls seem to have a much easier time with kids who play nicely/ together/ can be calm etc. IS this an illusion? Is there a big gender difference in your experience? Do you have girls and have a life like ours? I am struggling to cope tbh.

I have three girls, 9, 7 and 4. You’re describing our household

I have one of each and the girl is the one who gives us the most trouble, she is such a stroppy little diva, very highly strung! Her brother certainly has his moments but is generally far more easy going and much more easily distracted! They have been driving me insane over the Christmas holidays with their constant arguing over literally everything and anything.

I have a boy and girl and they spend almost every waking hour fighting and arguing with each other. I rest my case.

Hahaha, I’ve got girls and when younger sometimes their fights would turn physical too.

I’m really really strict about physical fighting so they both knew that they’d both be in massive trouble for physically fighting so that stopped.

Sometimes it feels they are constantly bickering. And when one is being nice the other is being horrible and trying to wind her sister up.

IMO sex doesn’t matter, kids are incredibly irritating at times.

I just tell them when I’ve had enough to go to their rooms and give me some peace.
As they’re now older they do as asked.

I’m looking forward to them going off to university (explore the world) whatevah.

I have 3 boys. Our theory is that we can have a peaceful time with 2 children - any 2. Once the third returns, that's when the problems start!! We do have some nice times. We have some very noisy times too. They have a lot of energy to burn off and a desire to usurp the alpha. Just means they're all leaders 🤷‍♀️. A trampoline in the garden helps!

4 years between my boys (10 & 6) they fight, rolling around the floor or fall asleep cuddled up in one bed. My DD didnt join in but now she is 5 she instigates fights/arguments mainly with the eldest. Today she hit him with a stick!

@NoShelfElf same here with my three (2DS and 1DD)

Ha I have 2 dd’s and they are the most vicious individuals I’ve ever seen. They are constantly fighting, can’t leave them alone for more than 30 Seconds before ww3 breaks out. My dh only has brothers and he said they were never as bad as our dds.

I'm one of five girls and we used to kick the shit out of each other as children. Constant rows!!

I have 10yo twin DDs, and believe me, they try and kill each other on a daily basis.

I have a DD (14) & DS (9) - siblings rivalry is rife. DD is far more physical than DS ... always has been! DS makes up for it with his unfortunate choice of words...
But they can also be sweet and loving to each other or working together against us parents. .
So nope it IS NOT just a boy thing.
I think it's normal behaviour... but what works for me if things get to rough is to give warning and punish both equally if they don't stop! (... gives them someone else -me- to blame for their misfortune!)

Ime boys tend to get physical quicker than girls, dont know if thats a pack "alpha male" thing as it was much worse for my friend who had 5 boys than it was for me with 2. There always seemed to be a fight for top dog, king of the castle.

With my 4 dd's they are just as mean to each other but generally with words and spiteful behaviour (nicking/hiding each other's stuff, deliberately ruining or breaking things) rather than physically. And they tend to hurt from that longer than the boys who tend to have a bash at each other then move on.

Sticks and stones break bones but words hurt far more, and the girls can be bloody awful in that respect.

But they all care fiercely for each other "Dont have a go at my brother/sister" etc while at the same time kicking off at each other at home!

We have one boy and two girls. The fights, oh the fights. I am so fed up with the fighting. I might as well sit the exam to become an official referee, at least then something positive would come out of it. I could tour the world reffing boxing matches etc.
I have sisters, no brothers. Our fights were very vicious. We didn’t smash up the house though, that would be wasting energy. All anger was directed solely on the sister/s

@ilovemaxbondi this is so helpful thank you! Any more specific details you can give and/or examples will be so welcome. I am generally pretty calm (at least outwardly- inwardly I’m losing it often) but still don’t seem to have a handle on it. It seems that they take turns being the ‘difficult one’- we just had a bad year with DS1 who now has calmed down a lot, just as DS2 is ramping up. And throw a baby into the mix plus sleep deprivation - it’s insane.

Glad to know that not alone at least

We do exactly what Angelic describes - zero tolerance, any hitting or shoulder barging or other negative behaviour gets immediate physical removal from the situation, absolutely shut down, and play is over - one warning and then it's under the armpits and removed to safe distance and the same phrases used like "we don't ever hit, ever" or "you do not bite your brother" or "if you can't share Lego then it's going away for the rest of the week". (But not too much talking, when they're cross and yelling only about 5 words will actually be heard!)

And you have to follow through with warnings and threats or they quickly learn to ignore you as you don't mean it. I only had to hide the Lego twice - once for a week and once for a month - and they usually share it very nicely now. When they are playing nicely I try and make a point of sticking my head round the door and commenting positively on how nicely they're playing and asking how they feel about that. If I can get them to say something kind to each other that's helpful as well as I think if they hear something nice about themselves from the other it cements a generally benevolent attitude and that they shouldn't be competing for my praise but for each other's kind words. That's the theory, anyway!! I think I lucked out with generally laid back boys who are close enough in age to enjoy the same stuff so I have a head start.

I hate those ‘you know you’re a mother of boys when’ posts on fb. Girls do everything on those lists, including peeing on the floor.

I have 1 boy and 3 girls the boy is quiet and well behaved , the 2 older girls fight like cat and dog so definitely nothing to do with the sex .

You'll have almost gone through the hard bit with the boys, they'll become obsessive recluses as they approach 10 wheras with girls you'll be just ramping up for a decade of roller-coaster mood swings and drama.

Absolutely no idea why some siblings fight and some don't but I don't think it's having all boys.

I had a brother growing up and we used to have physical fights until he was 15 and I was 12. We spent a lot of time together so I suppose we just wound each other up. He was quite immature and very, very competitive, loved to put me down and beat me in races, games etc. If I won he'd go mad. I think my parents let him get away with a lot. It just stopped one day, no idea why, I think he finally grew up.

I also have a boy and a girl and they get on well but don't spend a huge amount of time together, I think that helps. 😂 There's 5 years between them so they always knew that the age difference meant physical fighting was not an option, they have never had a physical fight. Our youngest is 9 and has always been very, very sensible so maybe personality as well. They are both competitive, especially our son but, strangely not really with each other.

My aunt had 3 daughter and when they were kids they had really really bad physical fights, they would make each other bleed and just not care.

I don't know if parenting comes into it. We definitely encourage our to have a good relationship but it sounds like you are doing everything 'right' so I think it's probably just their ages and too much time together.

Parenting is exhausting at times.

Me and my sister used to beat the shit out of each other constantly.

I adore her now but honestly until the Age of 16 we used to smack each other for sport!

It’s an illusion I know girls that are far worse behaved and more boisterous than my 2 sons put together are. My sons fight far less than me and my sister did (both girls). It’s about the children, how you parent them and what nature they have. My kids fight but not constantly.

I have 7 year old twin girls. They're either best friends or worst enemies.
They're playing nicely now but I know that any minute soon someone will be screaming that the other has hit or kicked or nipped her. It's relentless.

I hate those ‘you know you’re a mother of boys when’ posts on fb

Yes but most of those are shared by parents who only have one or the other. Most 2 child families I know have the same sex children, I only know a couple who have one of each. I seem to remember reading that if you have one of one sex you are X times more likely to have another of the same sex with the same partner. So most people wont actually know that girls can be physical or boys can be sneaky and spiteful.

Change the word "girls" to "children" in your original question and then you might be right.

Reading this thread reminds me of why I am so happy to have an only child .