to think life would have been easier if we had had girls instead

[beclev24]

We have 3 DS's ages 8, 5 and 1. They are all lovely boys individually, - funny, kind, curious and well behaved and doing well at school etc, but parentting/ family life is a constant struggle. The older two fight constantly about everything and nothing. It sometimes turns physical. When thety play together it is always some very boisterous play fighting type game that ends with someone getting hurt or somethting getting broken very quickly. Family life seems to be a constant round of explosive tantrums or arguments, refereeing between them, dealing with 'big feelings' and rivalry or saying "no stop!" as they get into ever more boisterous play.

I think we are pretty good parents- or at least we do all the stuff you are meant to do. We spend time with them individually and together. WE play, read, do crafts, baking etc with them. We set boundaries, give consequences, listen to their feelings, praise their good behavior etc etc. But we can almost never relax in our own home even for a few minutes when they are around and seem to lurch from one crisis to another.. Our friends wtih girls seem to have a much easier time with kids who play nicely/ together/ can be calm etc. IS this an illusion? Is there a big gender difference in your experience? Do you have girls and have a life like ours? I am struggling to cope tbh.

algor would life have been easier if we had had children instead?? Instead of what?

Err no girls fight more if anything. Me and my sister constantly were tearing chunks out of each other verbally and physically (mostly instigated by her) and even now in our mid 30s we only tolerate each other because we live at opposite ends of the country. When my Mum has gone one day I imagine we'll have very little if anything to do with one another.

Sorry, should have read "no children"!!

algor ha! That’s definitely true!

I have three boys 5,7,10. What helped us was zero tolerance to playfighting or wrestling as mine have mild additional needs and always took it too far. If it started then they all went on time out.

I too recommend zero tolerance of “rough housing”.

Or physical violence.

I do find girls have a slightly more desire at a young age to sit still and do stuff, I am yet to experience above age of 6 though.

Dislike it when people attribute differences between DC to sex.

I find boys and girls argue and fight just as much but boys are way more boisterous/high octane. In my experience girls are more likely to concentrate on something like colouring or reading or craft whereas boys are more likely to crash around and want to climb, play fight, jump off furniture, run around. This is just my experience as a parent of both genders. I used to have a friend who said "boys wreck your house and girls wreck your head".

We were 4 girls. We had a buddy each then it was a gangland against the others.
We used to argue. Before I was born one of my sisters was always out of the buddy system. Then when I was born it was even.
I honestly don't think is gender. Some kids are nuts.
We used to run around like wild animals.

I think this is to do with so much than gender - personality and gap between siblings for a start. I have two boys 20 months apart, now 14 and 12. It has been a battle since day one, as the older DS likes to wind his much quieter brother up (used to antagonise him even in the double buggy!). DS2, who is much quieter and calmer will eventually retaliate physically because he hasn’t got a quick goady tongue like DS1.

DH often says it would have been easier with girls but I don’t think this is necessarily the case, it’s just a clash of two very different people.

@beclev24 they need to beat each other to a point. They'll stop when it hurts.
They have plenty of energy. Maybe they need to be more active to spend the energy in a more positive way.

to think life would have been easier if we had had girls instead

Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha. No.

Two girls here. Constant rolling nightmare. Everything you describe.

Children are varied- we should stop stereotyping the sexes.

I had a sister.
We were both biting hair pullers.

If you think for one minute girls are easier than boys please be reassured they are not. A feisty opinionated girl is ten times harder work than any boy I think (I have one of each)

I have 3 girls (no boys) and they are emotionally exhausting! and don't even start me on the moaning and friendship issues

Oh and my 40 year old sister STILL has crescent moon shaped scars on her hands from my nails, from nearly 30 years ago

I have two DSs, 6 and 10. They fight A LOT and very intolerant of each other. Esp older DS, who can never say anything nice to/about his brother and it's hard work. If left to him he would give DS2 for adoption and has actually expressed this aswell! I think he is a little SN though about noise and DS2 plays VERY noisily. I keep reminding them about kindness and respect, and the importance of family bond which is a big thing in my culture.

Friends who had DDs after DSs seem to say girls are way easier in comparison, can sit and play for hours and they never had that with the boys.

I had a love/hate relationship with my younger Dsis during teen years, she knew all my secrets yet plenty of hair pulling and slapping went on so nothing too serious. But I was an abusive cunt to her verbally, reminding her she had no friends, threats like throwing her out of the window at night.. But as soon as I hit 18/19 our relationship changed and we are so close now.

I've minded many many children and there is a definite difference in behaviour between the sexes.
As a pp says, girls are far more likely to sit and concentrate on something at a much younger age than boys and boys are far far more likely to be careering around.
Obviously it's not black and white but I don't understand the reluctance to acknowledge there is a difference in behaviour between boys and girls

I had boys and they used to argue but rarely physically fight. I also run a mixed youth group and there are a number of boys who do a lot of wrestling on the floor which often looks awful even if they maintain they are enjoying it. Some of them look really surprised when I ask them to stop mostly as I find it bloody irritating. I realised I never let mine do it but that was partly because one is like me and always hated playfighting so it would always lead immediately to tears. I have never seen girls do the wrestling thing but maybe they do at home. Both for my kids and youth group I find dragging them outside helps as even if they don,t stop it is easier to cope with outside a confined space

There’s an old saying, boys will break your house, girls will break your heart.

Prolly a load of bollocks based on socialisation though!

I also have girls two any my house is exactly like yours

really interesting responses- thatnks. One thing I have noticed re the bloody socialization thing is that almost tall hte TV that is aimed at boys (they watch netflix as we live abroad so no BBC) is almost all about battles/ fighting/ weapons/ winning and losing etc, whereas when I see the programmes aimed at girls it all seems to be about friendship/ getting on with ohetr people etc. Similarly with the books they read/ activities they are encouraged to do after school etc. Itt'ts probably a bit chicken and egg but it is a constant stretch to find tv for them that has no violent content at all.

Is it a bad thing though?
My four boys fought and fought in different combinations and the wrestling etc only stopped in their mid teens when they got huge. It did get wearing at times. But the positives are - they would fight each other but always stand up for each other, and were never alarmed by physical stuff/insults at school because it was no different to life at home!