To not want to be repaid in food and drinks?

[ButterbeerPancakes]

About 5 months ago, a friend of mine borrowed £1,100 from me due to some financial issues she was experiencing. The initial plan was that she would repay me £100 every month for 11 months. Thus far, I've received a grand total of £150.

I know it's not my place to judge her lifestyle, but I've seen her spending frivolously (imo at least), so it's not as if she can't cough up the money she'd previously promised to pay me.

Asked her about it earlier today, and apparently she has "nothing left" after paying off her bills and that maybe instead of cash she could "buy me food and drinks here and there" since we've been "friends for such a long time anyway".

AIBU to think that this is bloody ridiculous? I don't really need the money but at the same time I can't help feeling like she's taking the piss out of me, years of friendship be damned.

Someone who needs to borrow money from friends is most likely financially incontinent to begin with. If your friend does not pay up, consider whether you can carry on with the friendship if she continues to string you along. If your view of her has changed fundamentally, then I'd be tempted to go to the small claims court and show how serious you are.

*so you have more written evidence

What is the point of taking her to a small claims court? They can't MAKE her repay the money even if there is a judgement against her - which isn't a certainty as you can't produce a contract, it would be just her word against yours.

No, they cannot, but with a judgement against her there are things you can do. And apparently, you just need proof that the money was a loan she agreed to repay, which the OP has.

The mistake was the loan her that amount of money in the first place, though.

It's bad money managment for her to buy you a £3.50 Starbucks coffee when if she gave , sorry REPAID you £3.50 you could buy enough ground coffee to make over a week's worth of coffee at home.
With that sort of attitude, it's not surprising she is skint.

Sadly we see this time after time on Mumsnet, I think it is unlikely she will pay you back. Twice we have lent sums of money, over £1k to a friend and to a family member, both were desperate at the time for deposits for renting property. We were never paid back, no idea what happened to the original deposits. We no longer see the ‘friend’ but do see the family member, very occasionally, no apology is ever given he we see him ‘wasting’ large sums of money. We have just written off the money, we are not ‘desperate’ for it but it is horrible to be treated this way, a lesson learned.

I don’t know what goes through cf’s minds when someone has had the decency to help them out in a time of need to turn round and shaft them like this.
I’m raging on your behalf and hope she gets her act in gear

Noooooooo! Unless she's planning on doing the weekly shop! You need to be really firm and say that you just can't afford to lose that money and you can accept £50 a month for the time being but back to £100 as soon as possible

if £100 a month is too much, how about £25 a week :) Because obviously you can't pay for your electricity bill in pints at the pub.

The lesson to be learnt here is,

 Never lend money unless you are willing to loose it.

She is obviously poor with money, that was why she needed to borrow in the first place.

If op wins at small claims court, then I agree that the friend may still not pay. However, you can elevate the claim and send the sheriffs in (ie bailiffs).

I don’t know what goes through cf’s minds when someone has had the decency to help them out in a time of need to turn round and shaft them like this.

IME they feel hard done by and like the world owes them because they're not getting what they want in life. They usually feel justified in shafting the other person because they think, 'Well, he/she can afford it!' and are usually jealous of the lender, thinks he/she doesn't have it so hard.

Don't let her off with the past few months' non - payment either. Remind her that she currently owes you 5(6?) x £100 and has actually paid £150. Say that you still expect the full amount to be repaid on time, 11 months on from the agreement, so this summer? Don't agree to anything longer as it'll just make it worse. The only way you should agree to reduce the payments is if she asks very nicely, and you believe that she's truly saving as much as possible to repay you.

County court cannot force her to pay but they can enforce judgement against her - which would affect her credit record. There is also the option to apply back to the court to ask for bailiffs to attend her residence to collect the debt.

In this case, it's the principle of the matter; she's lent this woman money that she needed in return for a promise to repay - and is now being messed around by someone who thinks that a longstanding friendship entitles her to borrow a 4-figure sum of money and not return it.

"If op wins at small claims court, then I agree that the friend may still not pay. However, you can elevate the claim and send the sheriffs in (ie bailiffs)."

If she needed to borrow 5 months ago , I doubt there would be anything to seize.Bailiffs cost money as well.
(How do I bold my writing?)

@Aridane because businesses and companies set up direct debits. Private individuals set up standing orders.

@ChrisjenAvasarala OP can’t set up a direct debit. She’s an private individual, not a company.

@livs1987 do you mean you need to recognise you might not pay them back?

@moreteaplease0

I think the point of my comment was that direct debits can be cancelled by the payer, so it isn’t any better than a standing order since OP has no contract to go after her if she were to cancel a direct debit, as all the posters before were going on about how direct debits cannot be cancelled.

Someone above had said individuals can set them up, I had no knowledge on that so just assumed they were right. But thanks for picking up on me despite the numerous other people going on about it.

You need asterisks rather than quote marks mobyduck

@Tippexy I mean if you give someone money you should be prepared for the possibility of them taking the piss Andy not seeing your money again - ie don’t give anyone money that you can’t afford to lose

Did she respond? Some people are unbelievable

F

Thanks plump, I really start to get my head around how someone can be as much of a dick to someone who has helped them.

She's finally replied! Bracketed comments are my own.

"Hi. I've always seen you as family and I'm sry you feel like you need to resort to such extreme measures (she's referring to me asking her to set up a standing order). It's not easy for me. I'm already having trouble towards month's end wrt food (maybe stop going to Starbucks twice a fucking day then) so pls just be patient. I value our friendship and hope you won't let this tear us apart x."

Haven't replied yet but fucking hell guess it's all my fault then!

I think that CF reply from her should make you not feel bad about insisting on getting your money back.