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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to be repaid in food and drinks?

362 replies

ButterbeerPancakes · 10/01/2019 16:18

About 5 months ago, a friend of mine borrowed £1,100 from me due to some financial issues she was experiencing. The initial plan was that she would repay me £100 every month for 11 months. Thus far, I've received a grand total of £150.

I know it's not my place to judge her lifestyle, but I've seen her spending frivolously (imo at least), so it's not as if she can't cough up the money she'd previously promised to pay me.

Asked her about it earlier today, and apparently she has "nothing left" after paying off her bills and that maybe instead of cash she could "buy me food and drinks here and there" since we've been "friends for such a long time anyway".

AIBU to think that this is bloody ridiculous? I don't really need the money but at the same time I can't help feeling like she's taking the piss out of me, years of friendship be damned.

OP posts:
BrylcreamBeret · 11/01/2019 05:57

Tell her you'd be glad to sit down and go through her finances with her to see where she could make cutbacks so she can manage her money better? (failing that tell her to stop with the hazelnut syrup lattes and get a grip).
I must be a low sort of wanker because I made my feckless uncle sign a contract to repay a loan when he spent his and my aunts monthly budget on costume shoes Angry

BarbaraofSevillle · 11/01/2019 06:05

If you keep it all in writing, you have evidence if you do take her to the small claims court, even if it's just screen shots of a text conversation.

Maybe tell her that the money she owes you is making you struggle for money yourself (whether it is or it isn't is not important, invent a washing machine/car repair emergency if necessary) and if she valued your friendship as much as she says, she wouldn't want a friend to struggle when she could do something about it.

If that doesn't guilt her then fuck it, I'd stop being nice and start ranting about wasting money in Starbucks being more important than not fucking you over and take her to court.

If you take her to court and she doesn't pay you back, you'll have the satisfaction of her having an unsatisfied CCJ, which will ruin her credit rating and have possible serious consequences such as prevent her from getting a mortgage/rental contract/credit in general.

Sorry if that sounds over the top, just can't stand CFs like that who rinse through their own money and then seem hell bent on spending everyone elses for them too.

PersonaNonGarter · 11/01/2019 06:06

I think it is time for the second text you were planning. I would add a date by which the standing order needs to be set up. E.g Please make the first payment by the end of this week and then set up the standing order for February’

You must start to get this in writing. If/when she doesn’t pay you this week, you need to email her setting out the circumstances of the loan including dates and transfer details. If she accepts that in correspondence, then a court is unlikely not to accept it as evidence.

What is the rest of your friendship like? Is she this CF with everything?

Purplecatshopaholic · 11/01/2019 06:10

Theres a quote about not being a lender or a borrower - this! My fuckwit of an ex would borrow money then not want to pay it back as 'you will only waste it on shoes...' - one of the many reasons he is now an ex....

MaggieFS · 11/01/2019 06:19

Definitely time for the second text!

Mummyoflittledragon · 11/01/2019 06:25

Starbucks twice a day? That’s your £100 right there. I’d be tempted to respond to that with “You are right. I lent you money because we are so close and because we are so close I trusted you to return the money at £100 a month as agreed starting in x month last year. I’m really sad this hasn’t happened.”

Then when she comes back angry or with a sob story, “Perhaps I could suggest that instead of spending £5? a day in Starbucks, which comes out at about £100 a month, you could buy a flask and reimburse me? That would be great, thanks.”

QueenofmyPrinces · 11/01/2019 06:37

What a manipulative cow! She’s taking you for a mug and she thinks your too soft to stand up to her.

Good on you for sending that first text and now it’s time to get tough and show her you are not going to be walked over.

£1’100 is a lot of money and I’m aghast that she isn’t bothered about you being out of pocket that amount each month.

This is not true friendship.

LadyB49 · 11/01/2019 06:44

I do hope you had her sign an acknowledgement that she owed you this money. If not get it done now...immediately. Just in case she doesn't pay up you would need proof that it was not a gift.
I speak from experience.

TheFatberg · 11/01/2019 06:50

Can't see you getting the money back after her last message.

happymum12345 · 11/01/2019 07:14

Decline her offer and say you need her to pay you back with money.

LittleMe03 · 11/01/2019 07:15

CF. Def time for the second text you planned OP

Petalflowers · 11/01/2019 07:16

I think you should stand firm, and if she does get arsey mention Starbucks etc.

sueelleker · 11/01/2019 07:20

What is the point of taking her to a small claims court? They can't MAKE her repay the money even if there is a judgement against her - which isn't a certainty as you can't produce a contract, it would be just her word against yours
We lent my (now ex BIL some money, and he also only made one repyment. Took him to the Small Claims Court. and although we had nothing in writing (he said he was sure he repaid us, but had no proof) we won and got our money back.

Pinot4me · 11/01/2019 07:22

I like mummyoflittledragon’s reply. What a CF!

Aridane · 11/01/2019 07:27

I think you'll probably be writing it off - ie both the money and the friendship...

username7000 · 11/01/2019 07:29

Just seen your update , I think. You need to speak to her face to face not text . She needs to understand she must attempt to pay the money back . It's very cheeky for her to try and wriggle out of it even if she said I can pay you £100 at the end of this month but she's not even saying that . Do not
feel like your being unreasonable she is very manipulative.

LagunaBubbles · 11/01/2019 07:33

It doesn't really bode well at her paying you back does it?

TulipsInbloom1 · 11/01/2019 07:38

Gosh as if waiting 5 months isn't patient enough. She's a proper cheekyfucker.

firstbrightday · 11/01/2019 07:39

I would be getting arsey now. Some people just really believe their own bullshit, it baffles me

sollyfromsurrey · 11/01/2019 07:39

The CF suggesting that your insistence at being repaid is what will tear you apart when it is her not paying that will do so. Turn it around and tell her you agree it would be an awful shame to be torn apart by unpaid debts so please for the friendship's sakes please set up a payment plan.

Raindancer411 · 11/01/2019 07:45

I would still write up an agreement now to say what she owes and get her to sign it. If she says she cannot afford it, take it down to £50 a month. The agreement must have the amount due, payment amount and an end date. Then get her to pay it direct into your account. Keep any texts too they show she admits to owing.

A smaller amount a month is better than nothing.

Btw, watch Judge Rinder Wink

Monny1 · 11/01/2019 07:45

I really hope that you get your money back. You have been a really goood friend to her.I hope that she feels ashamed of her behaviour towards you.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 11/01/2019 07:46

She is indeed a CF! There are some very good responses above

UnderMajorDomoMinor · 11/01/2019 07:49

“I have always thought of you as family too, but my family would never treat me like this. I have waited 5 months. I don’t know why you think it’s ok to exploit me.”

Returnofthesmileybar · 11/01/2019 07:52

Wow she's a piece of work! I would reply something like
"Do not turn this around on me,I suggested a standing order after you missed agreed payments and suggested paying me in food & drink, which was frankly insulting. I want my money, I want it regularly by standing order and I want that so i don't end up begging for money that I gave you in good faith. You are being unfair and putting me in a terrible position. To be honest if you saved your Starbucks money daily you'd have more than £100 a month and me and our friendship would not be below coffee on your list of priorities"

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