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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to be repaid in food and drinks?

362 replies

ButterbeerPancakes · 10/01/2019 16:18

About 5 months ago, a friend of mine borrowed £1,100 from me due to some financial issues she was experiencing. The initial plan was that she would repay me £100 every month for 11 months. Thus far, I've received a grand total of £150.

I know it's not my place to judge her lifestyle, but I've seen her spending frivolously (imo at least), so it's not as if she can't cough up the money she'd previously promised to pay me.

Asked her about it earlier today, and apparently she has "nothing left" after paying off her bills and that maybe instead of cash she could "buy me food and drinks here and there" since we've been "friends for such a long time anyway".

AIBU to think that this is bloody ridiculous? I don't really need the money but at the same time I can't help feeling like she's taking the piss out of me, years of friendship be damned.

OP posts:
Trudstrundr2 · 10/01/2019 17:35

Tbh I'd consider the friendship burned after this anyway - this friend would quite literally have taken cash that should have been spent on food and clothing for my family - I couldn't tally that with her blowing off the agreement about payback plan.

I'd keep any texts she replied with in case it turns really sour and you need to take her to the small claims court (in case she tries telling people it was a gift). Cynical but someone who pulls this isn't worth keeping around.

Member869894 · 10/01/2019 17:35

I would say that as she has broken the original agreement you just ask for all of it back even is she has to take it out of a credit card

Buddytheelf85 · 10/01/2019 17:36

She’s going to need to take you for about 6 dinners at the Ritz to come close to paying that back, cheeky fucker.

Floralhousecoat · 10/01/2019 17:36

No no no. Don't agree to reduce it to 50 a month. You need to get her to repay asap not to let it drag on for longer!!! Just stick to the original agreement and she will understand that you mean business.

colditz · 10/01/2019 17:37

"Food and drinks here and there" is for when you own someone £3.50 because you didn't have any change for parking and they pay it for you. It's not for repaying £950.

Even if she bought you coffee and cake every week (which I bet she wouldn't), she'd only be repaying you at £260 a year, and it would take her nearly 4 years to pay back what she owes.

The "Such good friends" shite is a manipulative appeal to your emotional attachment to her. It implies that should you demands she repay the loan on its' original terms, you cannot be "such good friends"

She's a chancer. Not your friend. At this point in your friend/financial loss ratio, it would have been cheaper to hire a prostitute to be your friend by the hour.

tiggerkid · 10/01/2019 17:37

Just tell her you don't want to be repaid in food and drinks and set the deadline by which you want to be paid.

Mummadeeze · 10/01/2019 17:40

I would really struggle to be friends with her going forward if I were you. Complete lack of respect or gratitude for the loan. Definitely make it clear she needs to stick to the plan and cut right back to afford it.

sackrifice · 10/01/2019 17:43

'Hi I spoke to my bank manager who reminded me that they don't take bananas as currency [I know, right] so no, you need to set up a standing order for the remaining £950.'

moreteaplease0 · 10/01/2019 17:44

Everyone is aware a standing order can be cancelled, right?

PlumpSyrianHamster · 10/01/2019 17:46

Where you were unreasonable was to lend her the money in the first place. This is always a bad move between friends even with a loan agreement in place. Why? Because the fact that they're asking to borrow such a huge sum of money from a friend means you can already be sure they are utterly shit with money. This friendship is dead in the water. SAVE all the texts and emails because you may wind up taking her to small claims court where you only might have a chance of seeing a penny again as there's no written agreement.

It's an expensive lesson to learn, but never loan money to a friend.

I did once and thankfully it was only 50 quid but it was £50 I really needed at the time.

I'd say I cannot believe she offered to buy you stuff here and there, but she is a CF so I'm not surprised.

'I can't afford it' will be her response with a guilt trip. So I'd look at small claims court.

ChrisjenAvasarala · 10/01/2019 17:47

Loaning money to friends only ruins a friendship if the friend turns out to be an ass, and in that circumstance the friend is probably worth losing because you've learned that money means more to them that your friendship.

I've lent money many times, always had it back and they havnt taken the piss with it. When they do, it's because they don't consider your kindness or help worthy of a decent response.

I hope your friend realises she's teetering on the edge of treating you like crap, and fixes it.

Aridane · 10/01/2019 17:48

Food and drinks would be fine for a tenner (not for something x10 that amount)

ResistanceIsNecessary · 10/01/2019 17:49

Re: written agreement, as long as you have some evidence - emails, texts - making it clear you were lending it, then you'l be fine. If you ever had to take her to the small claims court then you simply need to be able to prove that it was a loan and that repayment had been agreed and that she's not stuck to it. Hopefully it won't come to that!

Aridane · 10/01/2019 17:49

Why are people saying standing order over direct debit?

Floralhousecoat · 10/01/2019 17:49

I won't be surprised if she made up excuses each month why she can't pay you back. I think you need to invent a financial crisis and ask for the money back as a lump sum even if she needs to use a bank loan credit card etc to pay it back. I'm so annoyed on your behalf op, that's a lot of money you stand to lose!! I hope you get it back.

Aridane · 10/01/2019 17:50

Hmm

Nationwide say this:

"What’s the difference between a Direct Debit and a standing order?
The main differences at a glance

A Direct Debit
Is set up by a company, with your permission.
Can only be changed or cancelled with consent of the company collecting the Direct Debit.
A standing order
Is set up by you.
Can be changed or cancelled by you at any time."

Aridane · 10/01/2019 17:51

So wouldn't direct debit be better?

StarrySky7 · 10/01/2019 17:51

That is ridiculous OP. Demand that she pay you what she owes.

This isn't much help now, but I would always think very carefully about lending a friend money (especially that amount). I've known countless people to disappear or be awkward like this when they owe a 'friend' money.

PlumpSyrianHamster · 10/01/2019 17:52

That's good to know, Resistance. My guess is that she'll have all sorts of excuses. She already has.

Bluetrews25 · 10/01/2019 17:54

Direct debit cannot be taken (received) by an individual - has to be a company, so standing order is the only option for an individual.

username7000 · 10/01/2019 17:54

The fact that after 11 months and she's not paid back and that she said will pay you back with food and drink means she is gibbing you off and has no intention to pay you back the cf . You are going to have to speak to her or message her and say you owe me this money , we will need to set up a standing order every month no excuses that she hasn't any left . If she does say that to you again say well I'm sorry I leant you this money in good faith that it would be paid back , 11 months and not paid back is unacceptable.

mobyduck · 10/01/2019 17:55

What is the point of taking her to a small claims court? They can't MAKE her repay the money even if there is a judgement against her - which isn't a certainty as you can't produce a contract, it would be just her word against yours.

ChrisjenAvasarala · 10/01/2019 17:56

A direct debit can be cancelled by you. Just log onto your banking, go to standing order and direct debits and there is a cancel option.

The difference is if you're paying a direct debit to a company then you will have a contract, so cancelling the direct debit doesn't void the contract and the company will come after you for the money.

But OP isn't a company. She can arrange a direct debit, but friend can still cancel and there is no contract in place to take any action against the friend. OP can still go to small claims, but she can do that now.

livs1987 · 10/01/2019 17:57

Unfortunately I do think that if you want to borrow someone money, you have to do so with the realisation that they might not pay you back - no matter close the relationship or how reliable they seem. Otherwise, you always have the option to take her to court but you may not see your money anytime soon if she genuinely has fuck all! As in the court could rule in your favour, she defaults again, you hire bailiffs - bailiffs visit her and can’t recover any money/goods etc

As far as court is concerned, you just have to prove on the balance of probabilities that this was a loan not a gift. So keep EVERY text that references the loan, including you asking for repayment and her offering food etc. Make sure you keep bank statements, the fact that she paid £150 to begin with suggests that repayments were always agreed. Also you can try and catch her out by gathering evidence - so only email or text when discussing the loan in the future so you written evidence of the loan’s existence.

delboysskinandblister · 10/01/2019 17:58

or get her to pay £950 of your electricity/ gas bill with her credit card.

Don't let her pay your mortgage else the CF will be claiming part of your house Wink