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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to be repaid in food and drinks?

362 replies

ButterbeerPancakes · 10/01/2019 16:18

About 5 months ago, a friend of mine borrowed £1,100 from me due to some financial issues she was experiencing. The initial plan was that she would repay me £100 every month for 11 months. Thus far, I've received a grand total of £150.

I know it's not my place to judge her lifestyle, but I've seen her spending frivolously (imo at least), so it's not as if she can't cough up the money she'd previously promised to pay me.

Asked her about it earlier today, and apparently she has "nothing left" after paying off her bills and that maybe instead of cash she could "buy me food and drinks here and there" since we've been "friends for such a long time anyway".

AIBU to think that this is bloody ridiculous? I don't really need the money but at the same time I can't help feeling like she's taking the piss out of me, years of friendship be damned.

OP posts:
adultchildalcoholicparents · 13/01/2019 16:44

I've just received a call from her mum (we've met a fair few times over the course of the years). She apologised on behalf of her daughter,

That's an ethical move from her mother and it would be graceful of you to accept it.

The mother-daughter relationship and any fall out is for them to manage. However, it's indicating that the mother brought your friend up with ethics and it's your friend who is choosing to ignore them. Plus, it indicates that your friend's mother sniffed out any Poor me and my dreadful friend nonsense very quickly.

SeaGreenSeaGlass · 13/01/2019 16:45

I hope you do get the full amount repaid. It must feel horrible to be in this situation, but I suppose if this hadn't happened, the "friend" would have eventually done something else to show her true values. At least you know you're above reproach in all this.

BarbaraofSevillle · 13/01/2019 16:45

Well that sort of sounds like a positive outcome in the circumstances. At least you should get your money back.

Sounds like your ex friend went whining to her DM about her mean friend who valued money over their friendship, to which the DM responded like a reasonable person would as in you can't go round borrowing off friends and not pay it back while still pissing money away on luxuries and pleading poverty at the same time.

Paddy1234 · 13/01/2019 16:50

The older generation know the meaning and responsibility of a loan. I am sure she is mortified over her daughters actions.

calmsealife · 13/01/2019 16:55

Yeah she has blocked you now. I would suggest you do the same in case she reaches out in the future. Least you are getting your money back, I hope the woman is thoroughly embarrassed about being bailed out by a parent!

pootleposeyperkin · 13/01/2019 16:58

Sounds like she got a bollocking from her mum and is now sulking

PlumpSyrianHamster · 13/01/2019 16:58

And if I did not get that money back I would definitely take her to small claims court.

XXcstatic · 13/01/2019 16:59

Well done, her mum, but I bet the mum's intervention indicates that this isn't the first time. If the mum trusted the CF to repay, she wouldn't be getting involved.

PlumpSyrianHamster · 13/01/2019 17:00

I hope the woman is thoroughly embarrassed about being bailed out by a parent!

I highly doubt that.

delboysskinandblister · 13/01/2019 17:00

Well done! Very pleased for you. A fate worse than small claims court: Mother.

BumbleBeee69 · 13/01/2019 17:07

Sounds like her Mum is used to her daughters behaviour, what a shame for the Mum and how kind of her to sort this out OP.

Your well shot of the 'friend', who is actually just a using witch. Flowers

FrancisCrawford · 13/01/2019 17:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DeRigueurMortis · 13/01/2019 17:22

Well well done that mother.

I'd be mortified if I'd found out a child of mine had behaved in that way and would have done the same thing - and taken responsibility for claiming that money back from my child, certainly no getting away with it, but making it a family matter rather than letting a friend continue to be out of pocket.

I agree with PP's I'll bet she's gone to her mother with a sob story whose quickly cottoned on to what's happened as is probably hugely embarrassed and cross.

Mummyoflittledragon · 13/01/2019 17:25

Sounds like she bollocking off her mum and is now sulking.
That’s what I thought. Great result though.

Lifeofsmiley · 13/01/2019 17:32

Wtf are you trying to call her? Take your money and don’t look back

Ethel36 · 13/01/2019 17:35

Your friends mum sounds nice. I'm glad you're getting your money back OP. I'm sorry about your broken friendship, it's a real shame.

Claudia1980 · 13/01/2019 18:25

She may not have blocked you. Sometimes the delivered tag doesn’t pop up at all. I’m glad you got it resolved and hope you get your money back in full.

kateandme · 13/01/2019 19:26

do we think the mum is on mn and saw the thread!

Pinkyyy · 13/01/2019 23:06

I'm pleased you're getting your money back OP. I can't help but feel sorry for the DM as I doubt this is the first time she has had to bail the CF out of situations like this.

AcrossthePond55 · 13/01/2019 23:08

So very kind of the mum. I think you are right to accept the repayment, but I feel sorry for the mum all the same. She's enabling her DD.

AcrossthePond55 · 13/01/2019 23:10

Although, on second thought. I wonder if the ex-friend even knows her mother has done this!

If the ex-friend has bad-mouthed OP to her mother ending with 'I have blocked her and I will never repay that money!!!', it could be that the mum feels bad for OP and has chosen to repay it on the sly.

Honeyroar · 13/01/2019 23:16

I'm glad you're getting your money. I wouldn't be trying to call/text her. It's her that has badly treated you and her that should be trying to apologise/salvage the friendship.

justilou1 · 14/01/2019 02:17

Definitely tell her mother that she's blocked you as well. Let her know what an immature, entitled cow she's been. What a user she is, and how she thought you'd be okay with being paid of with the occasional coffee and macdonald's. Her mother will be VERY underwhelmed. What an absolute cow!

nauticant · 14/01/2019 09:32

I think picking a fight with the mother would be about the worst way to respond to her kind offer.

Be civil to the mother. Hopefully that will get you more of your money back. If you see an opportunity to ask, you might want to find out whether the daughter knows what the mother is doing so you'll know how to deal with the daughter if you happen to bump into each other.

GiGi18 · 14/01/2019 09:39

This happened to me. I owed my friend a (much smaller) amount of money while I was a student by paying for accommodation on a holiday. Think it was about £100. She paid me back in tickets to see some shows SHE wanted to see at The Edinburgh Festival instead of giving me the money. This was a toxic friend who I have since cut out my life for various reasons. It's exactly the sort of thing she would do all the time. You need to put your foot down and ask for the money and be careful of her in future. It doesn't matter if you have the money, that's besides the point and food/drink wasn't the deal!