Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 14 15

Original poster

To not want to be repaid in food and drinks?

362 replies

ButterbeerPancakes · 10/01/2019 16:18

About 5 months ago, a friend of mine borrowed £1,100 from me due to some financial issues she was experiencing. The initial plan was that she would repay me £100 every month for 11 months. Thus far, I've received a grand total of £150.

I know it's not my place to judge her lifestyle, but I've seen her spending frivolously (imo at least), so it's not as if she can't cough up the money she'd previously promised to pay me.

Asked her about it earlier today, and apparently she has "nothing left" after paying off her bills and that maybe instead of cash she could "buy me food and drinks here and there" since we've been "friends for such a long time anyway".

AIBU to think that this is bloody ridiculous? I don't really need the money but at the same time I can't help feeling like she's taking the piss out of me, years of friendship be damned.

OP posts:

Original poster

ButterbeerPancakes · 10/01/2019 17:03

And how did you respond to this ridiculous idea?

I thought it was a joke for about 2 seconds before I was promptly informed that she was dead serious! Unfortunately was running late for a meeting so I remember saying something like, "I'd rather stick with the original plan," before rushing off.

OP posts:

Rudgie47 · 10/01/2019 17:05

You should never lend friends money unless is a tiny amount like a fiver or something.
This happens all the time.
OP just tell her straight, no and you want £100 per month repaid.

delboysskinandblister · 10/01/2019 17:06

if she sets up a standing order she can cancel a standing order. If you get her to sign a direct debit agreement she can't

eddielizzard · 10/01/2019 17:08

Wow unacceptable.

sollyfromsurrey · 10/01/2019 17:10

Tell her that as you are such good friends, it's really important that she sets up a regular payment schedule as money issues can damage even the closest friendships and you wouldn't want that.

TrickyKid · 10/01/2019 17:12

£1000 worth of food and drinks, she's having a laugh. I'd insist she sets up a direct debit asap.

HollowTalk · 10/01/2019 17:15

Send her a text, "Thanks for offering to pay the remaining £950 in food and drinks but I'd rather have the money! Can you please set up a standing order to repay £100 every pay day, as agreed? Thanks x."

BrendasUmbrella · 10/01/2019 17:16

Food and drink "here and there" - how long will it take for that to add up to £950?!

Remain calm and civil until you get your money back, then drop her. What a CF.

HollowTalk · 10/01/2019 17:17

Don't offer to reduce it to £50 per month!!

Trudstrundr2 · 10/01/2019 17:18

Lol

You can't pay your mortgage, or a train ticket, or a gas bill in food or drinks

What planet is she on?!

She needs to pay back her debt to you asap and stop pissing about as if it does not matter.

She obviously thinks very little of your friendship!

Tbh quickest way to break a friend ship is one loan of money; I don't ask, and I don't lend, for that reason

delboysskinandblister · 10/01/2019 17:22

@butterbeerpancakes

in other words she has no ready cash but she has enough credit to pay your food and drink on her credit card.

I have a horrible feeling she has no means of paying it in cash. If this is the scenario, you could get her to pay £1350 to pay off one of your utility bills with her credit card. That way you can pay yourself back from what you would have paid out on the bill.

Never ever do this again for anyone. I have loaned money. I got the money back from the friend but will never be doing it again.

delboysskinandblister · 10/01/2019 17:24

sorry £950

Although in this scenario I'd be tempted to ask £1350

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 10/01/2019 17:24

Text her:

"As mentioned earlier, I do need the money repaid £100 per month as agreed. I have my own bills to pay and I can't do that with food and drink. Thanks, see you soon."

cstaff · 10/01/2019 17:25

Let her know that food and drink also costs money so you will take the cash thanks. CFery...

Threewheeler1 · 10/01/2019 17:25

YANBU.
She needs to pay you back in the same currency she borrowed from you in, and that isn't potatoes.
What a cheek!

frompampastobroadway · 10/01/2019 17:26

Good luck OP

silkpyjamasallday · 10/01/2019 17:27

This is why you never lend money to friends, DP learnt the hard way with this, lent two friends £500 each about two years ago, neither have paid him back, despite the fact one has bought a house and the other has been on an American road trip holiday and several European mini breaks. You will have to be blunt in asking her to repay the money, but I would consider the friendship over once the money has been repaid, what sort of friend offers occasional food and drink as payment for a four figure loan? Cheeky fucker of the highest order.

ladygaga01 · 10/01/2019 17:27

To be 100% honest I would ask for the entire sum back. She sounds super shady and the whole repayment idea will be a total headache. Say you had something you need to pay for straight away and need the 950 immediately. If she starts dithering tell her to ask her parents/ partner/ employer.

mummymeister · 10/01/2019 17:29

I hope that you had some sort of written agreement with her before handing over such a large sum? She is secretly hoping that you are going to be too embarrassed to pursue this but honestly you have to. You need to text her straight away and be blunt.
"Hi XXX I lent you the money because you said you would pay it back at £100 a month. This was our agreement. I do not want to be paid in food or drink. When/how do you plan to make the next payment?"

Hopefully you wont ever lend her or anyone else money again. Awful, thing to do to someone you are supposed to be friends with.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 10/01/2019 17:29

So over the past 5 months or so, this friend hasn't rated your loan to her sufficiently to even put £50 each pay day to pay some of it back?

Definitely go with the text that @returnofthesmileybar has put together. As others have suggested, the food/drink she is considering repaying you with also cost money, so you could just say I'll take the cold hard cash instead.

CF of the highest order!

Original poster

ButterbeerPancakes · 10/01/2019 17:30

This is perfect, thanks! Just texted her this so I guess now it's a wait to see what she says. Also, lesson learnt - I'm never going to loan money to friends (or anyone for that matter) ever agin.

OP posts:

Original poster

ButterbeerPancakes · 10/01/2019 17:31

Absolutely not!!! "Mary it's because we have been friends for such a long time that I loaned you the money in the first place, it's because we are such good friends that you should be paying me back as we agreed. Our friendship is not a reason for you take the piss or wriggle out of paying me back and that's what it feels like you are doing. I should never have had to ask and I am annoyed that I did. It's £100 a month and no more excuses"

Will definitely be using some of this if she replies with excuses!

OP posts:

HollowTalk · 10/01/2019 17:33

You know what's particularly cheeky? She would be having some food and drink with you so she would literally be eating and drinking money she could repay you. You need to be tough with this one.

Thewarrenerswife · 10/01/2019 17:33

I think you need to have a serious conversation with her. If she’s brazen enough to not repay you, you need to be brazen enough to ask out right for her to set up a standing order. Offer to reduce the repayments by half to £50, and make it clear you lent her money in good faith on the basis that she’s one of your oldest friends. You didn’t lend her food and drink, you lent her money, so that’s what has to be repaid. If she won’t, then she might be an old friend but she’s no a good one.

Original poster

ButterbeerPancakes · 10/01/2019 17:34

I hope that you had some sort of written agreement with her before handing over such a large sum?

Unfortunately I didn't think that something like this was necessary at the time. What a mistake considering how things are turning out.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 14 15