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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to be repaid in food and drinks?

362 replies

ButterbeerPancakes · 10/01/2019 16:18

About 5 months ago, a friend of mine borrowed £1,100 from me due to some financial issues she was experiencing. The initial plan was that she would repay me £100 every month for 11 months. Thus far, I've received a grand total of £150.

I know it's not my place to judge her lifestyle, but I've seen her spending frivolously (imo at least), so it's not as if she can't cough up the money she'd previously promised to pay me.

Asked her about it earlier today, and apparently she has "nothing left" after paying off her bills and that maybe instead of cash she could "buy me food and drinks here and there" since we've been "friends for such a long time anyway".

AIBU to think that this is bloody ridiculous? I don't really need the money but at the same time I can't help feeling like she's taking the piss out of me, years of friendship be damned.

OP posts:
Returnofthesmileybar · 10/01/2019 16:36

Absolutely not!!! "Mary it's because we have been friends for such a long time that I loaned you the money in the first place, it's because we are such good friends that you should be paying me back as we agreed. Our friendship is not a reason for you take the piss or wriggle out of paying me back and that's what it feels like you are doing. I should never have had to ask and I am annoyed that I did. It's £100 a month and no more excuses"

Cheeky bitch

AnneLovesGilbert · 10/01/2019 16:39

What Returnofthesmileybar said. With bells on.

bigbluebus · 10/01/2019 16:41

Definitely get her to sign a standing order mandate to pay you the agreed amount on her pay day each month.
If by buying you food and drink from time to time she means when you are out for lunch/ dinner with her, then she needs to knock her socialising on the head for a while - she clearly can't afford it - she's in debt!

AllTakenSoRubbishUsername · 10/01/2019 16:41

Just say no to her kind offer. You might not want to spend £100 a month on the food and drink of her choice! Set up a Standing Order for £50 a month - then it looks like you're being generous but at the same time you do get (albeit eventually) paid.

LL83 · 10/01/2019 16:41

Perfect response @returnofthesmileybar

CokeAndCrispsAndDip · 10/01/2019 16:42

Say you want your money back thanks, and mention that buying her food and drinks wouldn't have helper her with her debts it was cash that did that, and you want it back. CF

AcrossthePond55 · 10/01/2019 16:43

So she's saying she wants to pay you back by 'treating' you to meals when you both go out? Nope.

I'd tell her that I need repayment in cash, and that she needs to stick to the agreed amount of £100.00 per month. Or (if you want) you can tell her you're willing to lower her payment amount to £50 pm but only if she does a standing order.

TBH, I think no matter what you do, if you 'enforce' repayment you're going to lose this friendship. She feels her friendship is more valuable than your money.

poorbuthappy · 10/01/2019 16:47

I would have to say....lovely let's meet at Aldi on Sunday morning and I'll do a month's shop which you can pay for...
Just to see her face. Grin

arranbubonicplague · 10/01/2019 16:47

friend of mine borrowed £1,100 from me

There is a crying need for an app. that records a loan between friends & family and defaults to a repayment plan.

DarlingNikita · 10/01/2019 16:48

She must think your head buttons up at the back.

'No, I need it back in cash just as I gave it to you. Standing order of £100 a month, as we agreed.'

Jaxhog · 10/01/2019 16:48

this is bloody ridiculous

Absolutely! You had an agreement for her to repay you in regular money payments - this is a contract. Tell her to stick to this or you'll take her to small claims. Don't worry about losing a friend. No friend would do this to you.

WhereYouLeftIt · 10/01/2019 16:49

"Asked her about it earlier today, and apparently she has "nothing left" after paying off her bills and that maybe instead of cash she could "buy me food and drinks here and there" since we've been "friends for such a long time anyway". "

And how did you respond to this ridiculous idea?

Neolara · 10/01/2019 16:49

I like returnofthesmileybar's reply. Its perfect.

DPotter · 10/01/2019 16:49

I agree with everyone else - she sets up a standing order monthly for £100 for 11 months. No if's no but's.
Just in case I would also look into the Small Claims Court process - because I think you may need it sadly

Make a note to yourself - never to loan people money, ever again

mobyduck · 10/01/2019 16:51

You know you won't get the money back, don't you?
If you pester her too much she will break off the friendship.
Seen it happen all the time on Judge Judy!
If you value her friendship, just accept the odd sandwich and coffee.

Original poster
ButterbeerPancakes · 10/01/2019 16:53

Yes, seems like a standing order is the way to go. I normally wouldn't lend anyone that amount of money either, but at the time, said friend had quit her job to move to another, and needed "emergency money" for the month in between. After 7+ years of friendship, I thought it'd all work out in the end. Apparently not!

OP posts:
SausageSimon · 10/01/2019 16:53

She could be the cheekiest cheeky fucker I've read about! Tell her no thank you, £100 every pay day.

She blatantly expects you to just gift her that money, I'd get the money back and never see her again!

Dinosforall · 10/01/2019 16:54

I would no longer value a friendship with someone who thought the odd sandwich and coffee cancelled out a £1100 debt!

Holidayshopping · 10/01/2019 16:54

No, I need it back in cash just as I gave it to you. Standing order of £100 a month, as we agreed

That is perfect.

It doesn’t sound like she is viewing it as a loan and thinks you’ve written it off already.

nauticant · 10/01/2019 16:57

Putting aside that your "friend" is trying to stiff you, those meals won't be much fun. You'll be looking at the menu weighing up each item in terms of the repay value it gives you knowing that your friend is sat there as an obligation feeling resentful that she's having to pay for "her food with my money". And years of having to keep a tally of it all in a way that she agrees with.

What's she's after doing is paying for a handful of meals this year and next, maybe £100 tops, until you become so embarrassed about the situation you say "tell you what, why don't we forget this money business?"

delboysskinandblister · 10/01/2019 16:57

since you and I have been friends such a long time you should know that you don't treat friends this way, especially the one friend who was kind and compassionate to help you out of a hole when you really needed it. As you have 'nothing' left currently you can sign a weekly direct debit so that you can factor in the repayment to help manage her debts. I'm sure you understand.

nicoala1 · 10/01/2019 16:58

I feel so sorry for generous kind people who help people out like this and do not get repaid.

The old adage "No good deed goes unpunished" applies.

You either have to demand it, and have a showdown, or write it off. It is rarely repaid unfortunately.

A few years ago I loaned a dear friend 1k to help her with her only relative left (sister's) funeral. Agreed a payback plan, never saw a penny of it. But said friend six months after sis death was able to go to the Canaries for a fortnight, WTF? I just wrote it off in the end and never mentioned it again.

Then last year, same CF friend text me to look for a loan of 500 as she was stuck for large bills. I girded my loins, and said, hi there, if you give me the bills outstanding I will pay them for you, and a list of what you need shopping wise, no problem. No answer! Ha Ha bluff called, and no contact since.

FrancisCrawford · 10/01/2019 17:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MuddlingMackem · 10/01/2019 17:01

YANBU.

The only way you should be taking repayment in food and drink is if she goes with you to the supermarket and pays for your weekly / monthly shops until the loan is repaid!

BaconMaker · 10/01/2019 17:02

Well she's letting you know that she's a massive CF who has every intention of not paying you back ever. Say that you have budgeted for the money she was going to pay you back every month and you need it. Ask her to set up a standing order.