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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to be repaid in food and drinks?

362 replies

ButterbeerPancakes · 10/01/2019 16:18

About 5 months ago, a friend of mine borrowed £1,100 from me due to some financial issues she was experiencing. The initial plan was that she would repay me £100 every month for 11 months. Thus far, I've received a grand total of £150.

I know it's not my place to judge her lifestyle, but I've seen her spending frivolously (imo at least), so it's not as if she can't cough up the money she'd previously promised to pay me.

Asked her about it earlier today, and apparently she has "nothing left" after paying off her bills and that maybe instead of cash she could "buy me food and drinks here and there" since we've been "friends for such a long time anyway".

AIBU to think that this is bloody ridiculous? I don't really need the money but at the same time I can't help feeling like she's taking the piss out of me, years of friendship be damned.

OP posts:
OutwiththeOutCrowd · 11/01/2019 12:13

Even if she were to take you out for truffles, lobster thermidor and champagne on a regular basis, the bond of trust between you has been broken.

It's hurtful when you do something kind for someone and end up being taken advantage of. I'm sorry it's happened to you and hope you will be able to get your money back in due course - or at least find friends who are more respectful of your generous spirit.

Anniegetyourgun · 11/01/2019 12:13

When DSis was in dire straits a few years ago she borrowed some money from me and some more from a friend. As soon as she was back on her feet she made paying us back her absolute priority, although we both pressed her to pay off the more problematic debts first. To her, owing friends and family is the most problematic debt there is. She couldn't stand the idea of her nearest and dearest being out of pocket on her account.

Your friend has this "families don't do that to each other" thing back to front. She's the one doing the thing families shouldn't do. Mutual support is a beautiful thing, but when it isn't mutual it isn't beautiful.

Lordamighty · 11/01/2019 13:17

I think a pp had a good suggestion. Reply to her her text & ask her how much she can afford to pay back per month.

stambirk · 11/01/2019 14:22

Have you got round to replying yet OP?

ContessaIsOnADietDammit · 11/01/2019 14:39

I think your friend thinks families just give each other money willy-nilly and never ask for it back. I bet she'd be horrified if her relatives tried it on her!

Puzzledandpissedoff · 11/01/2019 14:42

"Extreme measures"? What. simply for suggesting a standing order so you get your money back? Hmm

I'm afraid you've got yourself a manipulating user there, OP; she's already trying to make this your fault and will probably continue, laying on more and more sob stories and treating any further request as an insult in order to avoid paying

I honestly hope you get this back, but somehow I doubt it unless you're prepared to involve small claims ... and even then it's not guaranteed

poppiesallykatie · 11/01/2019 14:49

what @cakewench has written is good, but I would throw in a line about needing money back for something pressing, a concern for a parent, a tax payment, something unequivocal. Try and get your money whatever way you can, lie, then get rid of her.

starsorwater · 11/01/2019 14:49

Ask for the £350 she owes you already plus the £100 standing order and if necessary negotiate down. Say other wise you will have to press for the whole amount up front.

BarbaraRoyale · 11/01/2019 14:56

I couldn't afford to lose that amount of money however close I was to them

abcdema · 11/01/2019 15:11

She is a CF!

riceuten · 11/01/2019 17:36

"Food and drink, here and there" ? I assume this effectively means "hope you feel sorry for me, forget it and don't actually enforce the debt". I am not sure I could actually face someone who did this to me again.

£950 is a LOT of lunches, even at the Ivy

Kathygnome · 11/01/2019 17:38

Never ever loan a friend money. Give them money and assume it's gone.

BitOutOfPractice · 11/01/2019 17:38

Who wants to go out to eat or drink with someone that owes them £950 and is trying to avoid repaying anyway?

TigerTooth · 11/01/2019 17:40

My friend did this to me - begged me to lend her it and I put £1500 on my credit card and I only got 900 back. I just gave up asking in the end - and distanced myself from her. About 4 years later she had the cheek to ask again!

NameChangeOhNameChange1 · 11/01/2019 17:50

By saying she wants to reimburse you in food she means she wants to pay you back less?
Because else just give the money....
CF

ToftyAC · 11/01/2019 17:54

CF alert. Sounds to me she never had any intention of repayment.

Sleepyhead11 · 11/01/2019 17:54

Is she very young? It sounds like something a grownup would never suggest.

MikeUniformMike · 11/01/2019 18:02

Grown-ups do suggest things like that.
If you lend someone something, you generally won't get it back.

icannotremember · 11/01/2019 18:02

She has no intention of repaying you.

You have it in writing that she owes you the money and that she acknowledges there is a debt- OK, no formal contract but the messages you are exchanging make it clear. I'd definitely tell her I was going the court route (there's a lovely simple online service you could use too: www.gov.uk/make-court-claim-for-money).

LikeYouSaid · 11/01/2019 18:12

I agree with PP, I don’t think she ever intended to repay you OP Shock

FreshlyWashed · 11/01/2019 18:13

some excellent suggestions. Did you reply to her cheeky text?

FetchezLaVache · 11/01/2019 18:15

TigerTooth what is it they say? If you help out a friend in need, they will remember you... next time they need money.

I think nauticant's advice to draw her into a text conversation that can be used as proof of the loan situation is spot on. Court doesn't require OP and CF to have drawn up a loan agreement, because that's not what friends do. All that's needed is evidence that money changed hands and that the intention was for it to be repaid.

With that in mind, did you draw out cash for your friend, OP, or make a bank transfer?

Drum2018 · 11/01/2019 18:15

Wow she has some neck - tell her you have been patient for the past few months, but your patience is running out fast and you need your money paid as initially agreed. Definitely don't let this go.

SnorkFavour · 11/01/2019 18:19

@DarlingNikita
She must think your head buttons up at the back I cant stop laughing at your comment but what does it actually mean? I mean, I think I completely understand what you're saying ...something like she must think you were born yesterday, but I'm too thick to know why lol. It's a brilliant comment though and I want to use it myself - thank you!! Grin Grin

To the OP though, I thought the suggestion some make of her using a credit card is brilliant. Did you know she can pay you through Paypal using a credit card? It's so easy to do, just log in and make a payment and that way the debt is to the credit card and she'll be forced to pay it off. I definitely think you should go this route. Or if not Paypal, she could pay some of your council tax bill or something like that that with her card to the value of £950.

Please don't let her guilt you into not reclaiming full payment, it's absolutely outrageous behaviour!! If she refuses you should take her to the small claims court - I wouldn't even want to be friends any more after this, she clearly doesn't respect or value you at all and you sound absolutely lovely fwiw.

treaclesoda · 11/01/2019 18:21

I think I'd respond with a confused 'I don't understand. What extreme measures are you referring to?' and if she says the standing order then the response would be an equally confused 'but that suggestion was to help you. If you make the payment around payday every month then it's easier to budget'. Maybe an offer, from a concerned friend of course, to help her with her budget might be in order.

She's as cheeky as hell. If you ever get the money back from her I'd run a mile from the friendship anyway.