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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to be repaid in food and drinks?

362 replies

ButterbeerPancakes · 10/01/2019 16:18

About 5 months ago, a friend of mine borrowed £1,100 from me due to some financial issues she was experiencing. The initial plan was that she would repay me £100 every month for 11 months. Thus far, I've received a grand total of £150.

I know it's not my place to judge her lifestyle, but I've seen her spending frivolously (imo at least), so it's not as if she can't cough up the money she'd previously promised to pay me.

Asked her about it earlier today, and apparently she has "nothing left" after paying off her bills and that maybe instead of cash she could "buy me food and drinks here and there" since we've been "friends for such a long time anyway".

AIBU to think that this is bloody ridiculous? I don't really need the money but at the same time I can't help feeling like she's taking the piss out of me, years of friendship be damned.

OP posts:
DarlingNikita · 11/01/2019 18:22

Snork, you're welcome. I love it Grin I only know it because I had a colleague years ago who used to use it (she was from small-town east-ish Scotland, so I assume it's from that neck of the woods).

I'm not sure of the actual meaning either but always imagine a stuffed toy with buttons running up its head, and that the implication is that your head is stuffed with stuffing rather than brains.

Storminateacup1 · 11/01/2019 18:33

Some great suggestions for a reply by PPs, a SO isn’t extreme, what a strange thing to say. Hmm

I’m pretty certain you won’t get this money back, and if you do your friendship will never be the same. I’m sorry OP, it’s shit when this happens.

SparkofJoy · 11/01/2019 18:40

She shouldn't modify the arrangement made.

I wouldn't mention Starbucks but would send a summary of what was agreed and when payments need to be made by. Alternatively a credit card payment would be acceptable. I'd query extreme measures. You have not sent Judge Rinder/Judy around, you've asked for repayment for a loan as agreed. Any risk to the friendship was not instigated by you. Being forced into chasing a loan isn't on.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 11/01/2019 18:42

Thinking further about this, I suspect her comments are a case of getting her retaliation in first

She's got no intention of repaying the debt, and if pushed she'll blame you for failing to "value the friendship" and "tearing us apart"

I only hope you can afford to lose it because I'm sorry, but I don't think you'll be seeing that money again

joystir59 · 11/01/2019 18:56

this is why i only give money to people rather than lending it. when you give it without strings, you can forget about it and it doesn't come between friends.

Foslady · 11/01/2019 19:00

So by her paying you back in food and drinks, does this mean ‘We’ll go to the pub and I’ll pay the tab using your money so in effect you’re paying for my nights out’

Orangecake123 · 11/01/2019 19:01

CF!!

No way would I accept that. I've leant £50 which I've never seen again.
Call her up on it and demand a proper repayment plan.

SparklyMagpie · 11/01/2019 19:03

What an absolute CF

I don't know how some people have the nerve ?!

PlumpSyrianHamster · 11/01/2019 19:14

Wouldn't bother trying to negotiate a lower payment. She will never pay you unless compelled. She has the typical mentality of these people, she thinks she's owed this money because her life is hard and yours isn't as much so.

kateandme · 11/01/2019 19:20

oh no im sorry op

Katherine2626 · 11/01/2019 19:26

This is not on. She owes you this money, and you need to have it back under the terms you agreed. Whether you can afford to wave goodbye to the money is neither here nor there .

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 11/01/2019 19:41

Just awful - how long have you known this person/in what context

My advice is - forget about her Starbucks habit, it will just enrage you but mentioning it will make you feel petty.

But reply, saying how you think of her like family too, which is why you haven't mentioned it before, but you simply cannot afford not to be repaid, and you are sure she wouldn't want to see you struggle either. What does she propose?

CandleWithHair · 11/01/2019 19:55

I think she’s going to use your text as an excuse to start disengaging so if I were you I’d focus on trying to get the details of what was originally agreed clearly laid out and confirmed by her via text so you have something to lean on should you need to take this to small claims.

greenelephantscarf · 11/01/2019 19:58

cf I would look into small claims tbh

Deerstalker · 11/01/2019 20:23

Write it off and write her off too, for good

Deerstalker · 11/01/2019 20:26

Or....set out what you Originally agreed with her and State that her not keeping to what you agreed is leaving you struggling. Say you feel awkward about it and you shouldn’t as you loaned her the money to help her out on the basis that you’d get it back!

stambirk · 11/01/2019 21:28

OP, please return and tell us you put her in her place. The lack of update makes it seem you folded to her unreasonable request that you stay patient.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 11/01/2019 21:29

Actually the idea of her paying a one off large bill like coucul tax with a credit card is a good one... You can include it in the options...1. £100 a month standing order

  1. Paying council tax so you have the money back, she can be free of debt to you.. And then she can pay interest to barclaycard...
  1. Small claims.

Give her the choice....they will most likely be found in your favour and may well be awarded costs... So it will be cheaper for her to do 1 or 2

MadameButterface · 11/01/2019 21:37

Don’t suggest credit cards or that she pays your council tax, that’s just complicating it

Just tell her you also feel shit and are struggling, and that you need your money back as agreed, £100 a month.

Teacher22 · 11/01/2019 21:59

You have lost that money but some people lose far more than than that to learn sense and scepticism so count the money as fees for a lesson which will pay far more than that in the long run.

frompampastobroadway · 11/01/2019 23:15

Really hope you have been firm with her op. Awful situation.

Pashal2 · 11/01/2019 23:15

Zoflorabore, can you please tell me what it means in British slang "someone is taking the piss from me". I'm a little slow and can't gleen the context from it's use in the sentence. Pissed means something else where I'm from. Thanks for your help in bringing me up to speed.

frompampastobroadway · 11/01/2019 23:16

pashal someone is taking advantage of you is what it means.

Rockhopper10 · 11/01/2019 23:21

Sorry that this is such a pain for you OP. What a nightmare.

I had a different experience with lending a friend money. She who had just bought a rundown house. With much consideration (due to the complications that can arise due to loans between mates) I loaned her money to tide her over so that she could do rennovations before getting a lodger. She was great. She paid me back as soon as she could and I'm glad I could help her out. I'm sorry that your experience hadn't been like this.

Pashal2 · 11/01/2019 23:30

👍